'."X 


I   am    nere  to   arrest  y^ 


arrest  vou   for  a  series  of  robberies. 


Raffles 

Further  Adventures  of  the 
Amateur  Cracksman 


Xofb 


CONTENTS 


No  Sinecure / 

W  Jubilee  Present  .•..•*..    ^/ 
The  Fate  of  Faustina     .»•,,,    6p 

The  Last  Laugh lo'^ 

To  Catch  a  Thief  .••,.,..  /^2 
An  Old  Flame  ...•.,.,,  j88 

The  Wrong  House ,    .  2^^ 

The  Knees  of  the  Gods    ......  261 


248992 


RAFFLES 

NO  SINECURE 


1AM  still  uncertain  which  surprised  me 
more,  the  telegram  calling  my  attention 
to  the  advertisement,  or  the  advertisement 
itself.  The  telegram  is  before  me  as  I 
write.  It  would  appear  to  have  been  hand- 
ed in  at  Vere  Street  at  eight  o'clock  in  the 
morning  of  May  ii,  1897,  ^"^  received  be- 
fore half-past  at  Holloway  B.O.  And  in 
that  drab  region  it  duly  found  me,  unwashen 
but  at  work  before  the  day  grew  hot  and 
my  attic  insupportable. 

"  See  Mr.  Maturin's  advertisement  Daily  Mail 
might  suit  you  earnestly  beg  try  will  speak  if 
necessary " 

I  transcribe  the  thing  as  I  see  it  before 
me,  all  in  one  breath  that  took  away  mine ; 

I 


Raffles 

but  I  leave  out  the  initials  at  the  end,  which 
completed  the  surprise.  They  stood  very 
obviously  for  the  knighted  specialist  whose 
consulting-room  is  within  a  cab-whistle  of 
Vere  Street,  and  who  once  called  me  kins- 
man for  his  sins.  More  recently  he  had 
called  me  other  names.  I  was  a  disgrace, 
qualified  by  an  adjective  which  seemed  to 
me  another.  I  had  made  my  bed,  and  I 
could  go  and  lie  and  die  in  it.  If  I  ever 
again  had  the  insolence  to  show  my  nose 
in  that  house,  I  should  go  out  quicker  than 
I  came  in.  All  this,  and  more,  my  least 
distant  relative  could  tell  a  poor  devil  to 
his  face;  could  ring  for  his  man,  and  give 
him  his  brutal  instructions  on  the  spot ;  and 
then  relent  to  the  tune  of  this  telegram!  I 
have  no  phrase  for  my  amazement.  I  lit- 
erally could  not  believe  my  eyes.  Yet  their 
evidence  was  more  and  more  conclusive: 
a  very  .epistle  could  not  have  been  more 
characteristic  of  its  sender.  Meanly  ellip- 
tical, ludicrously  precise,  saving  half-pence 
at  the  expense  of  sense,  yet  paying  like  a 
man  for  "  Mr."  Maturin,  that  was  my  dis- 
tinguished relative  from  his  bald  patch  to 


No  Sinecure 

his  corns.  Nor  was  all  the  rest  unlike  him, 
upon  second  thoughts.  He  had  a  reputa- 
tion for  charity;  he  was  going  to  live  up 
to  it  after  all.  Either  that,  or  it  was  the 
sudden  impulse  of  which  the  most  calculat- 
ing are  capable  at  times ;  the  morning  pa- 
pers with  the  early  cup  of  tea,  this  adver- 
tisement seen  by  chance,  and  the  rest  upon 
the  spur  of  a  guilty  conscience. 

Well,  I  must  see  it  for  myself,  and  the 
sooner  the  better,  though  work  pressed.  I 
was  writing  a  series  of  articles  upon  prison 
life,  and  had  my  nib  into  the  whole  System ; 
a  Hterary  and  philanthropical  daily  was  pa- 
rading my  "  charges,"  the  graver  ones  with 
the  more  gusto ;  and  the  terms,  if  unhand- 
some for  creative  work,  were  temporary 
wealth  to  me.  It  so  happened  that  my  first 
cheque  had  just  arrived  by  the  eight  o'clock 
post;  and  my  position  should  be  appreci- 
ated when  I  say  that  I  had  to  cash  it  to 
obtain  a  Daily  Mail. 

Of  the  advertisement  itself,  what  is  to  be 

said?    It  should  speak  for  itself  if  I  could 

find  it,  but  I  cannot,  and  only  remember 

that  it  was  a  "  male  nurse  and  constant  at- 

3 


Raffles 

tendant "  that  was  "  wanted  for  an  elderly 
gentleman  in  feeble  health."  A  male  nurse ! 
An  absurd  tag  was  appended,  offering  ''  lib- 
eral salary  to  University  or  public-school 
man  " ;  and  of  a  sudden  I  saw  that  I  should 
get  this  thing  if  I  applied  for  it.  What 
other  "  University  or  public-school  man  " 
would  dream  of  doing  so?  Was  any  other 
in  such  straits  as  I?  And  then  my  relent- 
ing relative ;  he  not  only  promised  to  speak 
for  me,  but  was  the  very  man  to  do  so. 
Could  any  recommendation  compete  with 
his  in  the  matter  of  a  male  nurse?  And 
need  the  duties  of  such  be  necessarily  loath- 
some and  repellent?  Certainly  the  sur- 
roundings would  be  better  than  those  of  my 
common  lodging-house  and  own  particular 
garret ;  and  the  food ;  and  every  other  con- 
dition of  life  that  I  could  think  of  on  my 
way  back  to  that  unsavoury  asylum.  So  I 
dived  into  a  pawnbroker's  shop,  where  I  was 
a  stranger  only  upon  my  present  errand, 
and  within  the  hour  was  airing  a  decent  if 
antiquated  suit,  but  little  corrupted  by  the 
pawnbroker's  moth,  and  a  new  straw  hat, 
on  the  top  of  a  tram. 
4 


No  Sinecure 

The  address  given  in  the  advertisement 
was  that  of  a  flat  at  Earl's  Court,  which 
cost  me  a  cross-country  journey,  finishing 
with  the  District  Railway  and  a  seven  min- 
utes' walk.  It  was  now  past  mid-day,  and 
the  tarry  wood-pavement  was  good  to  smell 
as  I  strode  up  the  Earl's  Court  Road.  It 
was  great  to  walk  the  civilised  world  again. 
Here  were  men  with  coats  on  their  backs, 
and  ladies  in  gloves.  My  only  fear  was  lest 
I  might  run  up  against  one  or  other  whom 
I  had  known  of  old.  But  it  was  my  lucky 
day.  I  felt  it  in  my  bones.  I  was  going  to 
get  this  berth ;  and  sometimes  I  should  be 
able  to  smell  the  wood-pavement  on  the  old 
boy's  errands;  perhaps  he  would  insist  on 
skimming  over  it  in  his  bath-chair,  with  me 
behind. 

I  felt  quite  nervous  when  I  reached  the 
flats.  They  were  a  small  pile  in  a  side 
street,  and  I  pitied  the  doctor  whose  plate 
I  saw  upon  the  palings  before  the  ground- 
floor  windows ;  he  must  be  in  a  very  small 
way,  I  thought.  I  rather  pitied  myself  as 
well.  I  had  indulged  in  visions  of  better 
flats  than  these.  There  were  no  balconies. 
5 


Raffles 

The  porter  was  out  of  livery.  There  was 
no  lift,  and  my  invalid  on  the  third  floor! 
I  trudged  up,  wishing  I  had  never  lived  in 
Mount  Street,  and  brushed  against  a  de- 
jected individual  coming  down.  A  full- 
blooded  young  fellow  in  a  frock-coat  flung 
the  right  door  open  at  my  summons. 

"  Does  Mr.  Maturin  live  here  ?  "  I  in- 
quired. 

"That's  right,"  said  the  full-blooded 
young  man,  grinning  all  over  a  convivial 
countenance. 

**  I — Fve  come  about  his  advertisement 
in  the  Daily  Mail." 

"You're  the  thirty  -  ninth,"  cried  the 
blood ;  "  that  was  the  thirty-eighth  you 
met  upon  the  stairs,  and  the  day's  still 
young.  Excuse  my  staring  at  you.  Yes, 
you  pass  your  prelim.,  and  can  come  inside ; 
you're  one  of  the  few.  We  had  most  just 
after  breakfast,  but  now  the  porter's  head- 
ing off  the  worst  cases,  and  that  last  chap 
was  the  first  for  twenty  minutes.  Come  in 
here." 

And  I  was  ushered  into  an  empty  room 
iwith  a  good  bay-window,  which  enabled  my 
6 


No  Sinecure 

full-blooded  friend  to  inspect  me  yet  more 
critically  in  a  good  light ;  this  he  did  with- 
out the  least  false  delicacy;  then  his  ques- 
tions began. 

'' 'Varsity  man?" 

"  No." 

"Public  school?" 

"  Yes." 

"Which  one?" 

I  told  him,  and  he  sighed  relief. 

"  At  last !  You're  the  very  first  I've  not 
had  to  argue  with  as  to  what  is  and  what 
is  not  a  public  school.    Expelled?  " 

"  No,"  I  said,  after  a  moment's  hesita- 
tion ;  "  no,  I  was  not  expelled.  And  I  hope 
you  won't  expel  me  if  I  ask  a  question  in 
my  turn  ?  " 

"  Certainly  not." 

"  Are  you  Mr.  Maturin's  son?  " 

"No,  my  name's  Theobald.  You  may 
have  seen  it  down  below." 

"The  doctor?"  I  said. 

"  His  doctor,"  said  Theobald,  with  a  sat- 
isfied eye.  "  Mr.  Maturin's  doctor.  He  is 
having  a  male  nurse  and  attendant  by  my 
advice,  and  he  wants  a  gentleman  if  he  can 
7 


Raffles 

get  one.  I  rather  think  he'll  see  you, 
though  he's  only  seen  two  or  three  all  day. 
There  are  certain  questions  which  he  pre- 
fers to  ask  himself,  and  it's  no  good  going 
over  the  same  ground  twice.  So  perhaps  I 
had  better  tell  him  about  you  before  we  get 
any  further." 

And  he  withdrew  to  a  room  still  nearer 
the  entrance,  as  I  could  hear,  for  it  was  a 
very  small  flat  indeed.  But  now  two 
doors  were  shut  between  us,  and  I  had  to 
rest  content  with  murmurs  through  the 
wall  until  the  doctor  returned  to  summon 
me. 

''  I  have  persuaded  my  patient  to  see 
you,"  he  whispered,  "  but  I  confess  I  am 
not  sanguine  of  the  result.  He  is  very  dif- 
ficult to  please.  You  must  prepare  yourself 
for  a  querulous  invalid,  and  for  no  sinecure 
if  you  get  the  billet." 

"  May  I  ask  what's  the  matter  with 
him?" 

*'  By  all  means  —  when  you've  got  the 
billet." 

Dr.  Theobald  then  led  the  way,  his  pro- 
fessional dignity  so  thoroughly  intact  that 
8 


No  Sinecure 

I  could  not  but  smile  as  I  followed  his 
swinging  coat-tails  to  the  sick-room.  I  car- 
ried no  smile  across  the  threshold  of  a  dark- 
ened chamber  which  reeked  of  drugs  and 
twinkled  with  medicine  bottles,  and  in  the 
middle  of  which  a  gaunt  figure  lay  abed  in 
the  half-light. 

''Take  him  to  the  window,  take  him  to 
the  window,"  a  thin  voice  snapped,  "  and 
let's  have  a  look  at  him.  Open  the  blind 
a  bit.  Not  as  much  as  that,  damn  you,  not 
as  much  as  that !  " 

The  doctor  took  the  oath  as  though  it 
had  been  a  fee.  I  no  longer  pitied  him. 
It  was  now  very  clear  to  me  that  he  had 
one  patient  who  was  a  little  practice  in  him- 
self. I  determined  there  and  then  that  he 
should  prove  a  little  profession  to  me,  if 
we  could  but  keep  him  alive  between  us. 
Mr.  Maturin,  however,  had  the  whitest  face 
that  I  have  ever  seen,  and  his  teeth  gleamed 
out  through  the  dusk  as  though  the  with- 
ered lips  no  longer  met  about  them;  nor 
did  they  except  in  speech;  and  anything 
ghastlier  than  the  perpetual  grin  of  his  re- 
pose I  defy  you  to  imagine.  It  was  with 
9 


Raffles 

this  grin  that  he  lay  regarding  me  while 
the  doctor  held  the  blind. 

"  So  you  think  you  could  look  after  me, 
do  you  ?  " 

"  I'm  certain  I  could,  sir." 

"  Single-handed,  mind !  I  don't  keep  an- 
other soul.  You  would  have  to  cook  your 
own  grub  and  my  slops.  Do  you  think  you 
could  do  all  that?" 

"  Yes,  sir,  I  think  so." 

"  Why  do  you  ?  Have  you  any  experi- 
ence of  the  kind  ?  " 

"  No,  sir,  none." 

"  Then  why  do  you  pretend  you  have  ?  " 

"  I  only  meant  that  I  would  do  my  best." 

"  Only  meant,  only  meant !  Have  you 
done  your  best  at  everything  else,  then  ?  " 

I  hung  my  head.  This  was  a  facer.  And 
there  was  something  in  my  invalid  which 
thrust  the  unspoken  lie  down  my  throat. 

"  No,  sir,  I  have  not,"  I  told  him  plainly. 

"  He,  he,  he !  "  the  old  wretch  tittered ; 
"  and  you  do  well  to  own  it ;  you  do  well, 
sir,  very  well  indeed.  If  you  hadn't  owned 
up,  out  you  would  have  gone,  out  neck-and- 
crop !    You've  saved  your  bacon.    You  may 

lO 


No  Sinecure 

do  more.  So  you  are  a  public-school  boy, 
and  a  very  good  school  yours  is,  but  you 
weren't  at  either  University.  Is  that  cor- 
rect?" 

"  Absolutely." 

"  What  did  you  do  when  you  left 
school ? " 

"  I  came  in  for  money." 

"And  then?" 

"  I  spent  my  money." 

"And  since  then?" 

I  stood  like  a  mule. 

"  And  since  then,  I  say !  " 

"A  relative  of  mine  will  tell  you  if  you 
ask  him.  He  is  an  eminent  man,  and  he 
has  promised  to  speak  for  me.  I  would 
rather  say  no  more  myself." 

"  But  you  shall,  sir,  but  you  shall !  Do 
you  suppose  that  I  suppose  a  public-school 
boy  would  apply  for  a  berth  like  this  if 
something  or  other  hadn't  happened  ?  What 
I  want  is  a  gentleman  of  sorts,  and  I  don't 
much  care  what  sort ;  but  you've  got  to  tell 
me  what  did  happen,  if  you  don't  tell  any- 
body else.  Dr.  Theobald,  sir,  you  can  go 
to  the  devil  if  you  won't  take  a  hint.  This 
II 


Raffles 

man  may  do  or  he  may  not.  You  have  no 
more  to  say  to  it  till  I  send  him  down  to 
tell  you  one  thing  or  the  other.  Clear  out, 
sir,  clear  out ;  and  if  you  think  you've  any- 
thing to  complain  of,  you  stick  it  down  in 
the  bill !  " 

In  the  mild  excitement  of  our  interview 
the  thin  voice  had  gathered  strength,  and 
the  last  shrill  insult  was  screamed  after  the 
devoted  medico,  as  he  retired  in  such  order 
that  I  felt  certain  he  was  going  to  take  this 
trying  patient  at  his  word.  The  bedroom 
door  closed,  then  the  outer  one,  and  the 
doctor's  heels  went  drumming  down  the 
common  stair.  I  was  alone  in  the  flat  with 
this  highly  singular  and  rather  terrible  old 
man. 

"  And  a  damned  good  riddance !  "  croaked 
the  invalid,  raising  himself  on  one  elbow 
without  delay.  "  I  may  not  have  much  body 
left  to  boast  about,  but  at  least  I've  got  a 
lost  old  soul  to  call  my  own.  That's  why  I 
want  a  gentleman  of  sorts  about  me.  I've 
been  too  dependent  on  that  chap.  He  won't 
even  let  me  smoke,  and  he's  been  in  the 
flat  all  day  to  see  I  didn't.    You'll  find  the 

12 


No  Sinecure 

cigarettes  behind  the  Madonna  of  the 
Chair." 

It  was  a  steel  engraving  of  the  great 
Raffaelle,  and  the  frame  was  tilted  from 
the  wall ;  at  a  touch  a  packet  of  cigarettes 
tumbled  down  from  behind. 

"  Thanks  ;   and  now  a  light.'* 

I  struck  the  match  and  held  it,  while  the 
invalid  inhaled  with  normal  lips ;  and  sud- 
denly I  sighed.  I  was  irresistibly  reminded 
of  my  poor  dear  old  Raffles.  A  smoke-ring 
worthy  of  the  great  A.  J.  was  floating  up- 
ward from  the  sick  man's  lips. 

"  And  now  take  one  yourself.  I  have 
smoked  more  poisonous  cigarettes.  But 
even  these  are  not  SuUivans !  " 

I  cannot  repeat  what  I  said.  I  have  no 
iHea  what  I  did.  I  only  know — I  only  knew 
—that  it  was  A.  J.  Raffles  in  the  flesh ! 


13 


Raffles 

II 

"  Yes,  Bunny,  it  was  the  very  devil  of 
a  swim;  but  I  defy  you  to  sink  in  the 
Mediterranean.  That  sunset  saved  me. 
The  sea  was  on  fire.  I  hardly  swam  under 
water  at  all,  but  went  all  I  knew  for  the 
sun  itself;  when  it  set  I  must  have  been  a 
mile  away;  until  it  did  I  was  the  invisible 
man.  I  figured  on  that,  and  only  hope  it 
wasn't  set  down  as  a  case  of  suicide.  I  shall 
get  outed  quite  soon  enough.  Bunny,  but 
I'd  rather  be  dropped  by  the  hangman  than 
throw  my  own  wicket  away." 

"  Oh,  my  dear  old  chap,  to  think  of  hav- 
ing you  by  the  hand  again !  I  feel  as  though 
we  were  both  aboard  that  German  liner, 
and  all  that's  happened  since  a  nightmare. 
I  thought  that  time  was  the  last !  " 

"  It  looked  rather  like  it,  Bunny.  It  was 
taking  all  the  risks,  and  hitting  at  every- 
thing. But  the  game  came  off,  and  some 
day  I'll  tell  you  how." 

''  Oh,  I'm  in  no  hurry  to  hear.  It's 
enough  for  me  to  see  you  lying  there.  I 
don't  want  to  know  how  you  came  there, 
14 


No  Sinecure 

or  why,  though  I  fear  you  must  be  pretty 
bad.  I  must  have  a  good  look  at  you  be- 
fore I  let  you  speak  another  word !  " 

I  raised  one  of  the  blinds,  I  sat  upon  the 
bed,  and  I  had  that  look.  It  left  me  all 
unable  to  conjecture  his  true  state  of  health, 
but  quite  certain  in  my  own  mind  that  my 
dear  Raffles  was.  not  and  never  would  be 
the  man  that  he  had  been.  He  had  aged 
twenty  years;  he  looked  fifty  at  the  very 
least.  His  hair  was  white;  there  was  no 
trick  about  that ;  and  his  face  was  another 
white.  The  lines  about  the  corners  of  the 
eyes  and  mouth  were  both  many  and  deep. 
On  the  other  hand,  the  eyes  themselves 
were  alight  and  alert  as  ever;  they  were 
still  keen  and  gray  and  gleaming,  like  finely 
tempered  steel.  Even  the  mouth,  with  a 
cigarette  to  close  it,  was  the  mouth  of 
Raffles  and  no  other :  strong  and  unscrupu- 
lous as  the  man  himself.  It  was  only  the 
physical  strength  which  appeared  to  have 
departed;  but  that  was  quite  sufficient  to 
make  my  heart  bleed  for  the  dear  rascal 
who  had  cost  me  every  tie  I  valued  but  the 
tie  between  us  two. 

15 


Raffles 

"  Think  I  look  much  older  ?  "  he  asked 
at  length. 

"  A  bit,"  I  admitted.  "  But  it  is  chiefly 
your  hair." 

"  Whereby  hangs  a  tale  for  when  we've 
talked  ourselves  out,  though  I  have  often 
thought  it  was  that  long  swim  that  started 
it.  Still,  the  Island  of  Elba  is  a  rummy 
show,  I  can  assure  you.  And  Naples  is  a 
rummier." 

"  You  went  there  after  all  ?  " 

"  Rather !  It's  the  European  paradise  for 
such  as  our  noble  selves.  But  there's  no 
place  that's  a  patch  on  little  London  as  a 
non-conductor  of  heat;  it  never  need  get 
too  hot  for  a  fellow  here;  if  it  does  it's 
his  own  fault.  It's  the  kind  of  wicket  you 
don't  get  out  on,  unless  you  get  yourself 
out.  So  here  I  am  again,  and  have  been 
for  the  last  six  weeks.  And  I  mean  to  have 
another  knock." 

"  But  surely,  old  fellow,  you're  not  aw- 
fully fit,  are  you  ?  " 

"  Fit  ?     My  dear  Bunny,  I'm  dead — I'm 
at  the  bottom  of  the  sea — and  don't  you 
forget  it  for  a  minute." 
i6 


No  Sinecure 

"  But  are  you  all  right,  or  are  you  not  ?  " 
"  No,   Tm   half-poisoned  by   Theobald's 
prescriptions  and  putrid  cigarettes,  and  as 
weak  as  a  cat  from  lying  in  bed." 

"  Then  why  on  earth  lie  in  bed,  Raffles  ?  " 
''  Because  it's  better  than  lying  in  gaol, 
as  I  am  afraid  you  know,  my  poor  dear 
fellow.  I  tell  you  I  am  dead;  and  my  one 
terror  is  of  coming  to  life  again  by  acci- 
dent. Can't  you  see?  I  simply  dare  not 
show  my  nose  out  of  doors — by  day.  You 
have  no  idea  of  the  number  of  perfectly 
innocent  things  a  dead  man  daren't  do.  I 
can't  even  smoke  Sullivans,  because  no  one 
man  was  ever  so  partial  to  them  as  I  was 
in  my  lifetime,  and  you  never  know  when 
you  may  start  a  clue." 

"  What  brought  you  to  these  mansions  ?  " 
"  I  fancied  a  flat,  and  a  man  recom- 
mended these  on  the  boat;  such  a  good 
chap,  Bunny;  he  was  my  reference  when 
it  came  to  signing  the  lease.  You  see  I 
landed  on  a  stretcher — most  pathetic  case 
— old  Australian  without  a  friend  in  old 
country — ordered  Engadine  as  last  chance 
• — no  go — not  an  earthly — sentimental  wish 
17 


Raffles 

to  die  in  London — that's  the  history  of 
Mr.  Maturin.  If  it  doesn't  hit  you  hard, 
Bunny,  you're  the  first.  But  it  hit  friend 
Theobald  hardest  of  all.  I'm  an  income 
to  him.  I  believe  he's  going  to  marry  on 
me. 

"  Does  he  guess  there's  nothing  wrong  ?  " 
"  Knows,  bless  you !  But  he  doesn't 
know  I  know  he  knows,  and  there  isn't  a 
disease  in  the  dictionary  that  he  hasn't 
treated  me  for  since  he's  had  me  in  hand. 
To  do  him  justice,  I  believe  he  thinks  me 
a  hypochondriac  of  the  first  water ;  but  that 
young  man  will  go  far  if  he  keeps  on  the 
wicket.  He  has  spent  half  his  nights  up 
here,  at  guineas  apiece." 

"  Guineas  must  be  plentiful,  old  chap !  '* 
"  They  have  been,  Bunny.     I  can't  say 
more.    But  I  don't  see  why  they  shouldn't 
be  again." 

I  was  not  going  to  inquire  where  the 
guineas  came  from.  As  if  I  cared!  But 
I  did  ask  old  Raffles  how  in  the  world  he 
had  got  upon  my  tracks ;  and  thereby  drew 
the  sort  of  smile  with  which  old  gentlemen 
rub  their  hands,  and  old  ladies  nod  their 
i8 


No  Sinecure 

noses.  Raffles  merely  produced  a  perfect 
oval  of  blue  smoke  before  replying. 

"  I  was  waiting  for  you  to  ask  that. 
Bunny;  it's  a  long  time  since  I  did  any- 
thing upon  which  I  plume  myself  more.  Of 
course,  in  the  first  place,  I  spotted  you  at 
once  by  these  prison  articles;  they  were 
not  signed,  but  the  fist  was  the  fist  of  my 
sitting  rabbit !  " 

"  But  who  gave  you  my  address  ?  '' 

"  I  wheedled  it  out  of  your  excellent  edi- 
tor; called  on  him  at  dead  of  night,  when 
I  occasionally  go  afield  like  other  ghosts, 
and  wept  it  out  of  him  in  five  minutes.  I 
was  your  only  relative ;  your  name  was  not 
your  own  name ;  if  he  insisted  I  would  give 
him  mine.  He  didn't  insist,  Bunny,  and  I 
danced  down  his  stairs  with  your  address 
in  my  pocket." 

"Last  night?" 

"No,  last  week." 

"  And  so  the  advertisement  was  yours,  as 
well  as  the  telegram !  " 

I  had,  of  course,  forgotten  both  in  the 
high  excitement  of  the  hour,  or  I  should 
scarcely  have  announced  my  belated  discov- 


Raffles 

ery  with  such  an  air.  As  it  was  I  made 
Raffles  look  at  me  as  I  had  known  him 
look  before,  and  the  droop  of  his  eyeUds 
began  to  sting. 

"  Why  all  this  subtlety  ?  "  I  petulantly 
exclaimed.  ''  Why  couldn't  you  come 
straight  away  to  me  in  a  cab  ?  " 

He  did  not  inform  me  that  I  was  hope- 
less as  ever.  He  did  not  address  me  as  his 
good  rabbit.  He  was  silent  for  a  time, 
and  then  spoke  in  a  tone  which  made  me 
ashamed  of  mine. 

"  You  see,  there  are  two  or  three  of  me 
now.  Bunny:  one's  at  the  bottom  of  the 
Mediterranean,  and  one's  an  old  Australian 
desirous  of  dying  in  the  old  country,  but  in 
no  immediate  danger  of  dying  anywhere. 
The  old  Australian  doesn't  know  a  soul  in 
town;  he's  got  to  be  consistent,  or  he's 
done.  This  sitter  Theobald  is  his  only 
friend,  and  has  seen  rather  too  much  of 
him;  ordinary  dust  won't  do  for  his  eyes. 
Begin  to  see  ?  To  pick  you  out  of  a  crowd, 
that  was  the  game  ;  to  let  old  Theobald  help 
to  pick  you,  better  still !  To  start  with  he 
was  dead  against  my  having  anybody  at  all ; 
20 


No  Sinecure 

wanted  me  all  to  himself,  naturally;  but 
anything  rather  than  kill  the  goose !  So  he 
is  to  have  a  fiver  a  week  while  he  keeps  me 
alive,  and  he's  going  to  be  married  next 
month.  That's  a  pity  in  some  ways,  but  a 
good  thing  in  others;  he  will  want  more 
money  than  he  foresees,  and  he  may  always 
be  of  use  to  us  at  a  pinch.  Meanwhile  he 
eats  out  of  my  hand." 

I  complimented  Raffles  on  the  mere  com- 
position of  his  telegram,  with  half  the 
characteristics  of  my  distinguished  kinsman 
squeezed  into  a  dozen  odd  words;  and  let 
him  know  how  the  old  ruffian  had  really 
treated  me.  Raffles  was  not  surprised ;  we 
had  dined  together  at  my  relative's  in  the 
old  days,  and  filed  for  reference  a  profes- 
sional valuation  of  his  household  gods.  I 
now  learnt  that  the  telegram  had  been 
posted,  with  the  hour  marked  for  its  de- 
spatch, at  the  pillar  nearest  Vere  Street,  on 
the  night  before  the  advertisement  was  due 
to  appear  in  the  Daily  Mail.  This  also  had 
been  carefully  prearranged;  and  Raffles's 
only  fear  had  been  lest  it  might  be  held 
over  despite  his  explicit  instructions,  and  so 

21 


Raffles 

drive  me  to  the  doctor  for  an  explanation  of 
his  telegram.  But  the  adverse  chances  had 
been  weeded  out  and  weeded  out  to  the  ir- 
reducible minimum  of  risk. 

His  greatest  risk,  according  to  Raffles, 
lay  nearest  home :  bedridden  invalid  that  he 
was  supposed  to  be,  his  nightly  terror  was 
of  running  into  Theobald's  arms  in  the  im- 
mediate neighbourhood  of  the  flat.  But 
Raffles  had  characteristic  methods  of  mini- 
mising even  that  danger,  of  which  some- 
thing anon;  meanwhile  he  recounted  more 
than  one  of  his  nocturnal  adventures,  all, 
however,  of  a  singularly  innocent  type ;  and 
one  thing  I  noticed  while  he  talked.  His 
room  was  the  first  as  you  entered  the  flat. 
The  long  inner  wall  divided  the  room  not 
merely  from  the  passage  but  from  the  outer 
landing  as  well.  Thus  every  step  upon  the 
bare  stone  stairs  could  be  heard  by  Raffles 
where  he  lay;  and  he  would  never  speak 
while  one  was  ascending,  until  it  had  passed 
his  door.  The  afternoon  brought  more  than 
one  applicant  for  the  post  which  it  was  my 
duty  to  tell  them  that  I  had  already  ob- 
tained.   Between  three  and  four,  however, 

23 


No  Sinecure 

Raffles,  suddenly  looking  at  his  watch, 
packed  me  off  in  a  hurry  to  the  other  end 
of  London  for  my  things. 

"  I'm  afraid  you  must  be  famishing, 
Bunny.  It's  a  fact  that  I  cat  very  little, 
and  that  at  odd  hours,  but  I  ought  not  to 
have  forgotten  you.  Get  yourself  a  snack 
outside,  but  not  a  square  meal  if  you  can 
resist  one.  We've  got  to  celebrate  this  day 
this  night !  " 

'^To-night?"  I  cried. 

"  To-night  at  eleven,  and  Kellner's  the 
place.  You  may  well  open  your  eyes,  but 
we  didn't  go  there  much,  if  you  remember, 
and  the  staff  seems  changed.  Anyway  we'll 
risk  it  for  once.  I  was  in  last  night,  talking 
like  a  stage  American,  and  supper's  ordered 
for  eleven  sharp." 

"  You  made  as  sure  of  me  as  all  that !  " 

"  There  was  no  harm  in  ordering  supper. 
We  shall  have  it  in  a  private  room,  but  you 
may  as  well  dress  if  you've  got  the  duds." 

"  They're  at  my  only  forgiving  relative's." 

"  How    much    will    get    them    out,    and 
square  you  up,  and  bring  you  back  bag  and 
baggage  in  good  time  ?  " 
«3 


Raffles 

I  had  to  calculate.    . 

"  A  tenner,  easily.'* 

"  I  had  one  ready  for  you.  Here  it  is, 
and  I  wouldn't  lose  any  time  if  I  were  you. 
On  the  way  you  might  look  up  Theobald, 
tell  him  you've  got  it  and  how  long  you'll 
be  gone,  and  that  I  can't  be  left  alone  all 
the  time.  And,  by  Jove,  yes !  You  get  me 
a  stall  for  the  Lyceum  at  the  nearest  agent's ; 
there  are  two  or  three  in  High  Street ;  and 
say  it  was  given  you  when  you  come  in. 
That  young  man  shall  be  out  of  the  way 
to-night." 

I  found  our  doctor  in  a  minute  consulting- 
room  and  his  shirt-sleeves,  a  tall  tumbler  at 
his  elbow ;  at  least  I  caught  sight  of  the 
tumbler  on  entering ;  thereafter  he  stood  in 
front  of  it,  with  a  futility  which  had  my 
sympathy. 

"  So  you've  got  the  billet,"  said  Dr. 
Theobald.  "Well,  as  I  told  you  before, 
and  as  you  have  since  probably  discovered 
for  yourself,  you  won't  find  it  exactly  a 
sinecure.  My  own  part  of  the  business  is 
by  no  means  that;  indeed,  there  are  those 
who  would  throw  up  the  case,  after  the 
24 


No  Sinecure 

kind  of  treatment  that  you  have  seen  for 
yourself.  But  professional  considerations 
are  not  the  only  ones,  and  one  cannot  make 
too  many  allowances  in  such  a  case." 

"  But  what  is  the  case  ?  "  I  asked  him. 
"  You  said  you  would  tell  me  if  I  was  suc- 
cessful." 

Dr.  Theobald's  shrug  was  worthy  of  the 
profession  he  seemed  destined  to  adorn;  it 
was  not  incompatible  with  any  construction 
which  one  chose  to  put  upon  it.  Next  mo- 
ment he  had  stiffened.  I  suppose  I  still 
spoke  more  or  less  like  a  gentleman.  Yet, 
after  all,  I  was  only  the  male  nurse.  He 
seemed  to  remember  this  suddenly,  and  he 
took  occasion  to  remind  me  of  the  fact. 

"  Ah,"  said  he,  "  that  was  before  I  knew 
you  were  altogether  without  experience; 
and  I  must  say  that  I  was  surprised  even 
at  Mr.  Maturin's  engaging  you  after  that; 
but  it  will  depend  upon  yourself  how  long 
I  allow  him  to  persist  in  so  curious  an  ex- 
periment. As  for  what  is  the  matter  with 
him,  my  good  fellow,  it  is  no  use  my  giv- 
ing you  an  answer  which  would  be  double 
Dutch  to  you ;  moreover,  I  have  still  to  test 
25 


Raffles 

your  discretionary  powers.  I  may  say, 
however,  that  that  poor  gentleman  presents 
at  once  the  most  complex  and  most  trouble- 
some case,  which  is  responsibility  enough 
without  certain  features  which  make  it  all 
but  insupportable.  Beyond  this  I  must  re- 
fuse to  discuss  my  patient  for  the  present; 
but  I  shall  certainly  go  up  if  I  can  find  time." 

He  went  up  within  five  minutes.  I  found 
him  there  on  my  return  at  dusk.  But  he 
did  not  refuse  my  stall  for  the  Lyceum, 
which  Raffles  would  not  allow  me  to  use 
myself,  and  presented  to  him  off-hand  with- 
out my  leave. 

"  And  don't  you  bother  any  more  about 
me  till  to-morrow,"  snapped  the. high  thin 
voice  as  he  was  off.  "  I  can  send  for  you 
now  when  I  want  you,  and  I'm  hoping  to 
have  a  decent  night  for  once." 


s6 


No  Sinecure 


III 


It  was  half-past  ten  when  we  left  the 
flat,  in  an  interval  of  silence  on  the  noisy 
stairs.  The  silence  was  unbroken  by  our 
wary  feet.  Yet  for  me  a  surprise  was  in 
store  upon  the  very  landing.  Instead  of 
going  downstairs,  Raffles  led  me  up  two 
flights,  and  so  out  upon  a  perfectly  flat  roof. 

"  There  are  two  entrances  to  these  man- 
sions," he  explained  between  stars  and 
chimney-stacks :  "  one  to  our  staircase,  and 
another  round  the  corner.  But  there's  only 
one  porter,  and  he  lives  on  the  basement 
underneath  us,  and  affects  the  door  nearest 
home.  We  miss  him  by  using  the  wrong 
stairs,  and  we  run  less  risk  of  old  Theobald. 
I  got  the  tip  from  the  postmen,  who  come 
up  one  way  and  down  the  other.  Now, 
follow  me,  and  look  out !  " 

There  was  indeed  some  necessity  for  cau- 
tion, for  each  half  of  the  building  had  its 
L-shaped  well  dropping  sheer  to  the  base, 
the  parapets  so  low  that  one  might  easily 
have  tripped  over  them  into  eternity.  How- 
ever, we  were  soon  upon  the  second  stair- 
27 


Raffles 

case,  which  opened  on  the  roof  like  the  first. 
And  twenty  minutes  of  the  next  twenty- 
five  we  spent  in  an  admirable  hansom,  skim- 
ming east. 

"  Not  much  change  in  the  old  hole, 
Bunny.  More  of  these  magic-lantern  ad- 
vertisements .  .  .  and  absolutely  the 
worst  bit  of  taste  in  town,  though  it's  say- 
ing something,  in  that  equestrian  statue 
with  the  gilt  stirrups  and  fixings;  why 
don't  they  black  the  buffer's  boots  and  his 
horse's  hoofs  while  they  are  about  it  ?  .  .  . 
More  bicyclists,  of  course.  That  was  just 
beginning,  if  you  remember.  It  might  have 
been  useful  to  us.  .  .  .  And  there's  the 
old  club,  getting  put  into  a  crate  for  the 
Jubilee;  by  Jove,  Bunny,  we  ought  to  be 
there.  I  wouldn't  lean  forward  in  Picca- 
dilly, old  chap.  If  you're  seen  I'm  thought 
of,  and  we  shall  have  to  be  jolly  careful  at 
Kellner's.  .  .  .  Ah,  there  it  is!  Did  I 
tell  you  I  was  a  low-down  stage  Yankee  at 
Kellner's?  You'd  better  be  another,  while 
the  waiter's  in  the  room." 

We  had  the  little  room  upstairs ;  and  on 
the  very  threshold  I,  even  I,  who  knew  my 
28 


No  Sinecure 

Raffles  of  old,  was  taken  horribly  aback. 
The  table  was  laid  for  three.  I  called  his 
attention  to  it  in  a  whisper. 

**  Why,  yep !  "  came  through  his  nose. 
"  Say,  boy,  the  lady,  she's  not  comin',  but 
you  leave  that  tackle  where  'tis.  If  I'm 
liable  to  pay,  I  guess  I'll  have  all  there  is 
to  it." 

I  have  never  been  in  America,  and  the 
American  public  is  the  last  on  earth  that 
I  desire  to  insult ;  but  idiom  and  intonation 
alike  would  have  imposed  upon  my  inex- 
perience. I  had  to  look  at  Raffles  to  make 
sure  that  it  was  he  who  spoke,  and  I  had 
my  own  reasons  for  looking  hard. 

"  Who  on  earth  was  the  lady  ? "  I  in- 
quired aghast  at  the  first  opportunity. 

"  She  isn't  on  earth.  They  don't  like 
wasting  this  room  on  two,  that's  all.  Bunny 
— my  Bunny — here's  to  us  both !  " 

And  we  clinked  glasses  swimming  with 
the  liquid  gold  of  Steinberg,  1868;  but  of 
the  rare  delights  of  that  supper  I  can 
scarcely  trust  myself  to  write.  It  was  no 
mere  meal,  it  was  no  coarse  orgy,  but  a  lit- 
tle feast  for  the  fastidious  gods,  not  un« 
29 


Raffles 

worthy  of  LucuUus  at  his  worst.  And  I 
who  had  bolted  my  skilly  at  Wormwood 
Scrubbs,  and  tightened  my  belt  in  a  Hollo- 
way  attic,  it  was  I  who  sat  down  to  this 
ineffable  repast!  Where  the  courses  were 
few,  but  each  a  triumph  of  its  kind,  it  would 
be  invidious  to  single  out  any  one  dish ;  but 
the  Jambon  de  Westphalie  au  Champagne 
tempts  me  sorely.  And  then  the  champagne 
that  we  drank,  not  the  quantity  but  the 
quality!  Well,  it  was  Pol  Roger,  '84,  and 
quite  good  enough  for  me;  but  even  so  it 
was  not  more  dry,  nor  did  it  sparkle  more, 
than  the  merry  rascal  who  had  dragged 
me  thus  far  to  the  devil,  but  should  lead  me 
dancing  the  rest  of  the  way.  I  was  begin- 
ning to  tell  him  so.  I  had  done  my  honest 
best  since  my  reappearance  in  the  world; 
but  the  world  had  done  its  worst  by  me.  A 
further  antithesis  and  my  final  intention 
were  both  upon  my  tongue  when  the  waiter 
with  the  Chateau  Margaux  cut  me  short; 
for  he  was  the  bearer  of  more  than  that 
great  wine;  bringing  also  a  card  upon  a 
silver  tray. 
"  Show  him  up,"  said  Raffles,  laconically. 
30 


No  Sinecure 

"  And  who  is  this  ?  "  I  cried  when  the 
man  was  gone.  Raffles  reached  across  the 
table  and  gripped  my  arm  in  his  vice.  His 
eyes  were  steel  points  fixed  on  mine. 

"  Bunny,  stand  by  me,"  said  he  in  the  old 
irresistible  voice,  a  voice  both  stern  and 
winning.  "  Stand  by  me,  Bunny — if  there's 
a  row !  " 

And  there  was  time  for  nothing  more,  the 
door  flying  open,  and  a  dapper  person  en- 
tering with  a  bow ;  a  frock-coat  on  his  back, 
gold  pince-nez  on  his  nose ;  a  shiny  hat  in 
one  hand,  and  a  black  bag  in  the  other. 

"  Good-evening,  gentlemen,"  said  he,  at 
home  and  smiling. 

"  Sit  down,"  drawled  Raffles  in  casual 
response.  "  Say,  let  me  introduce  you  to 
Mr.  Ezra  B.  Martin,  of  Shicawgo.  Mr. 
Martin  is  my  future  brother-in-law.  This 
is  Mr.  Robinson,  Ezra,  manager  to  Sparks 
&  Company,  the  cellerbrated  joolers  on  Re- 
gent Street." 

I  pricked  up  my  ears,  but  contented  my- 
self with  a  nod.  I  altogether  distrusted  my 
ability  to  live  up  to  my  new  name  and  ad- 
dress. 

3« 


Raffles 

"  I  figured  on  Miss  Martin  bein'  right 
here,  too,"  continued  Raffles,  "  but  I  regret 
to  say  she's  not  feelin'  so  good.  We  light 
out  for  Parrus  on  the  9  a.m.  train  to-morrer 
mornin',  and  she  guessed  she'd  be  too  dead. 
Sorry  to  disappoint  you,  Mr.  Robinson; 
but  you'll  see  I'm  advertisin'  your  wares." 

Raffles  held  his  right  hand  under  the 
electric  light,  and  a  diamond  ring  flashed 
upon  his  little  finger.  I  could  have  sworn 
it  was  not  there  five  minutes  before. 

The  tradesman  had  a  disappointed  face, 
but  for  a  moment  it  brightened  as  he  ex- 
patiated on  the  value  of  that  ring  and  on 
the  price  his  people  had  accepted  for  it.  I 
was  invited  to  guess  the  figure,  but  I  shook 
a  discreet  head.  I  have  seldom  been  more 
taciturn  in  my  life. 

"Forty-five  pounds,"  cried  the  jeweller; 
"  and  it  would  be  cheap  at  fifty  guineas." 

"  That's  right,"  assented  Raffles.  "  That'd 
be  dead  cheap,  I  allow.  But  then,  my  boy, 
you  gotten  ready  cash,  and  don't  you  for- 
get it." 

I  do  not  dwell  upon  my  own  mystification 
in  all  this.  I  merely  pause  to  state  that  I 
32 


No  Sinecure 

was  keenly  enjoying  that  very  element. 
Nothing  could  have  been  more  typical  of 
Raffles  and  the  past.  It  was  only  my  own 
attitude  that  was  changed. 

It  appeared  that  the  mythical  lady,  my 
sister,  had  just  become  engaged  to  Raffles, 
who  seemed  all  anxiety  to  pin  her  down 
with  gifts  of  price.  I  could  not  quite  gather 
whose  gift  to  whom  was  the  diamond  ring; 
but  it  had  evidently  been  paid  for;  and  I 
voyaged  to  the  moon,  wondering  when  and 
how.  I  was  recalled  to  this  planet  by  a 
deluge  of  gems  from  the  jeweller's  bag. 
They  lay  alight  in  their  cases  like  the  elec- 
tric lamps  above.  We  all  three  put  our 
heads  together  over  them,  myself  without 
the  slightest  clue  as  to  what  was  coming, 
but  not  unprepared  for  violent  crime.  One 
does  not  do  eighteen  months  for  nothing. 

"  Right  away,"  Raffles  was  saying. 
"  We'll  choose  for  her,  and  you'll  change 
anything  she  don't  like.    Is  that  the  idea?  " 

"  That  was  my  suggestion,  sir." 

"  Then  come  on,  Ezra.  I  guess  you  know 
Sadie's  taste.    You  help  me  choose." 

And  we  chose — lord !  What  did  we  not 
33 


Raffles 

choose?  There  was  her  ring,  a  diamond 
half-hoop.  It  cost  £95,  and  there  was  no 
attempt  to  get  it  for  £90.  Then  there  was 
a  diamond  necklet — two  hundred  guineas 
but  pounds  accepted.  That  was  to  be  the 
gift  of  the  bridegroom.  The  wedding  was 
evidently  imminent.  It  behoved  me  to 
play  a  brotherly  part.  I  therefore  rose  to 
the  occasion;  calculated  she  would  like  a 
diamond  star  (iii6),  but  reckoned  it  was 
more  than  I  could  afford;  and  sustained  a 
vicious  kick  under  the  table  for  either  verb. 
I  was  afraid  to  open  my  mouth  on  finally 
obtaining  the  star  for  the  round  hundred. 
And  then  the  fat  fell  in  the  fire;  for 
pay  we  could  not;  though  a  remittance 
(said  Raffles)  was  "  overdo  from  Noo 
York." 

"  But  I  don't  know  you,  gentlemen,"  the 
jeweller  exclaimed.  "  I  haven't  even  the 
name  of  your  hotel !  " 

"  I  told  you  we  was  stoppin'  with 
friends,"  said  Raffles,  who  was  not  angry, 
though  thwarted  and  crushed.  "  But  that's 
right,  sir!  Oh,  that's  dead  right,  and  I'm 
the  last  man  to  ask  you  to  take  Quixotic 
34 


No  Sinecure 

risks.  Vm  tryin'  to  figure  a  way  out.  Yes, 
sir,  that's  what  Vm  try  in'  to  do." 

"  I  wish  you  could,  sir,"  the  jeweller  said, 
with  feeling,  "  It  isn't  as  if  we  hadn't  seen 
the  colour  of  your  money.  But  certain  rules 
I  am  sworn  to  observe ;  it  isn't  as  if  I  was 
in  business  for  myself;  and — you  say  you 
start  for  Paris  in  the  morning !  " 

"On  the  9  a.m.  train,"  mused  Raffles; 
"and  I've  heard  no-end  yarns  about  the 
joolers'  stores  in  Parrus.  But  that  ain't 
fair ;  don't  you  take  no  notice  o'  that.  I'm 
tryin'  to  figure  a  way  out.    Yes,  sir! " 

He  was  smoking  cigarettes  out  of  a 
twenty-five  box ;  the  tradesman  and  I  had 
cigars.  Raffles  sat  frowning  with  a  preg- 
nant eye,  and  it  was  only  too  clear  to  me 
that  his  plans  had  miscarried.  I  could  not 
help  thinking,  however,  that  they  deserved 
to  do  so,  if  he  had  counted  upon  buying 
credit  for  all  but  £400  by  a  single  payment 
of  some  ten  per  cent.  That  again  seemed 
unworthy  of  Raffles,  and  I,  for  my  part, 
still  sat  prepared  to  spring  any  moment  at 
our  visitor's  throat. 

"We  could  mail  you  the  money  from 
35 


Raffles 

Parrus,"  drawled  Raffles  at  length.  "  But 
how  should  we  know  you'd  hold  up  your 
end  o±  the  string,  and  mail  us  the  same  ar- 
ticles we've  selected  to-night  ?  " 

The  visitor  stiffened  in  his  chair.  The 
name  of  his  firm  should  be  sufficient  guar- 
antee for  that. 

"  I  guess  I'm  no  better  acquainted  with 
their  name  than  they  are  with  mine,"  re- 
marked Raffles,  laughing.  "  See  here, 
though!  I  got  a  scheme.  You  pack  'em 
in  this !  " 

He  turned  the  cigarettes  out  of  the  tin 
box,  while  the  jeweller  and  I  joined  won- 
dering eyes. 

"  Pack  'em  in  this,"  repeated  Raffles,  ''  the 
three  things  we  want,  and  never  mind  the 
boxes;  you  can  pack  'em  in  cotton-wool. 
Then  we'll  ring  for  string  and  sealing  wax, 
seal  up  the  lot  right  here,  and  you  can  take 
'em  away  in  your  grip.  Within  three  days 
we'll  have  our  remittance,  and  mail  you  the 
money,  and  you'll  mail  us  this  darned  box 
with  my  seal  unbroken!  It's  no  use  you 
lookin'  so  sick,  Mr.  Jooler ;  you  won't  trust 
US  any,  and  yet  we're  goin'  to  trust  you 
36 


No  Sinecure 

some.  Ring  the  bell,  Ezra,  and  we'll  see 
if  theyVe  gotten  any  sealing-wax  and 
string." 

They  had ;  and  the  thing  was  done.  The 
tradesman  did  not  like  it;  the  precaution 
was  absolutely  unnecessary;  but  since  he 
was  taking  all  his  goods  away  with  him, 
the  sold  with  the  unsold,  his  sentimental 
objections  soon  fell  to  the  ground.  He 
packed  necklet,  ring,  and  star,  with  his  own 
hands,  in  cotton-wool;  and  the  cigarette- 
box  held  them  so  easily  that  at  the  last  mo- 
ment, when  the  box  was  closed,  and  the 
string  ready,  Raffles  very  nearly  added  a 
diamond  bee-brooch  at  £51  los.  This  temp- 
tation, however,  he  ultimately  overcame,  to 
the  other's  chagrin.  The  cigarette-box  was 
tied  up,  and  the  string  sealed,  oddly  enough, 
with  the  diamond  of  the  ring  that  had  been 
bought  and  paid  for. 

"  I'll  chance  you  having  another  ring  in 
the  store  the  dead  spit  of  mine,"  laughed 
Raffles,  as  he  relinquished  the  box,  and  it  dis- 
appeared into  the  tradesman's  bag.  "  And 
now,  Mr.  Robinson,  I  hope  you'll  appreciate 
my  true  hospitality  in  not  offering  you  a^- 
37 


Raffles 

thing  to  drink  while  business  was  in  prog- 
ress. That's  Chateau  Margaux,  sir,  and  I 
should  judge  it's  what  you'd  call  an  eigh- 
teen-carat  article/' 

In  the  cab  which  we  took  to  the  vicinity 
of  the  flat,  I  was  instantly  snubbed  for 
asking  questions  which  the  driver  might 
easily  overhear,  and  I  took  the  repulse  just 
a  little  to  heart.  I  could  make  neither  head 
nor  tail  of  Raffles's  dealings  with  the  man 
from  Regent  Street,  and  was  naturally  in- 
quisitive as  to  the  meaning  of  it  all.  But 
I  held  my  tongue  until  we  had  regained  the 
flat  in  the  cautious  manner  of  our  exit,  and 
even  there  until  Raffles  rallied  me  with  a 
hand  on  either  shoulder  and  an  old  smile 
upon  his  face. 

"  You  rabbit !  "  said  he.  "  Why  couldn't 
you  wait  till  we  got  home  ?  '* 

"Why  couldn't  you  tell  me  what  you 
were  going  to  do?'*    I  retorted  as  of  yore. 

"  Because  your  dear  old  phiz  is  still  worth 
its  weight  in  innocence,  and  because  you 
never  could  act  for  nuts!  You  looked  as 
puzzled  as  the  other  poor  devil;  but  you 
wouldn't  if  you  had  known  what  my  game 
really  was." 

38 


No  Sinecure 

**  And  pray  what  was  it  ?  " 

"  That,"  said  Raffles,  and  he  smacked  the 
cigarette-box  down  upon  the  mantelpiece. 
It  was  not  tied.  It  was  not  sealed.  It  flew 
open  from  the  force  of  the  impact.  And 
the  diamond  ring  that  cost  £95,  the  necklet 
for  i200,  and  my  flaming  star  at  another 
£100,  all  three  lay  safe  and  snug  in  the 
jeweller's  own  cotton-wool ! 

"  Duplicate  boxes  1  "  I  cried. 

"Duplicate  boxes,  my  brainy  Bunny. 
One  was  already  packed,  and  weighted,  and 
in  my  pocket.  I  don't  know  whether  you 
noticed  me  weighing  the  three  things  to- 
gether in  my  hand?  I  know  that  neither 
of  you  saw  me  change  the  boxes,  for  I  did 
it  when  I  was  nearest  buying  the  bee- 
brooch  at  the  end,  and  you  were  too  puz- 
zled, and  the  other  Johnny  too  keen.  It 
was  the  cheapest  shot  in  the  game ;  the  dear 
ones  were  sending  old  Theobald  to  South- 
ampton on  a  fool's  errand  yesterday  after- 
noon, and  showing  one's  own  nose  down 
Regent  Street  in  broad  daylight  while  he 
was  gone ;  but  some  things  are  worth  pay- 
ing for,  and  certain  risks  one  must  always 
39 


Raffles 

take.  Nice  boxes,  aren't  they?  I  only 
wished  they  contained  a  better  cigarette; 
but  a  notorious  brand  was  essential ;  a  box 
of  Sullivans  would  have  brought  me  to  life 
to-morrow." 

"  But  they  oughtn't  to  open  it  to-mor- 
row." 

"  Nor  will  they,  as  a  matter  of  fact. 
Meanwhile,  Bunny,  I  may  call  upon  you  to 
dispose  of  the  boodle." 

"  I'm  on  for  any  mortal  thing!  " 

My  voice  rang  true,  I  swear,  but  it  was 
the  way  of  Raffles  to  take  the  evidence  of 
as  many  senses  as  possible.  I  felt  the  cold 
steel  of  his  eye  through  mine  and  through 
my  brain.  But  what  he  saw  seemed  to 
satisfy  him  no  less  than  what  he  heard,  for 
his  hand  found  my  hand,  and  pressed  it 
with  a  fervour  foreign  to  the  man. 

"  I  know  you  are,  and  I  knew  you  would 
be.  Only  remember,  Bunny,  it's  my  turn 
next  to  pay  the  shot  I  " 

You  shall  hear  how  he  paid  it  when  the 
time  came. 


40 


A  JUBILEE   PRESENT 

THE  Room  of  Gold,  in  the  British  Mu- 
seum, is  probably  well  enough  known 
to  the  inquiring  alien  and  the  travelled 
American.  A  true  Londoner,  however,  I 
myself  had  never  heard  of  it  until  Raffles 
casually  proposed  a  raid. 

"  The  older  I  grow.  Bunny,  the  less  I 
think  of  your  so-called  precious  stones. 
When  did  they  ever  bring  in  half  their 
market  value  in  £  s.  d.  ?  There  was  the 
first  little  crib  we  ever  cracked  together 
< — you  with  your  innocent  eyes  shut.  A 
thousand  pounds  that  stuff  was  worth ;  but 
how  many  hundreds  did  it  actually  fetch? 
The  Ardagh  emeralds  weren't  much  better ; 
old  Lady  Melrose's  necklace  was  far  worse ; 
but  that  little  lot  the  other  night  has  about 
finished  me.  A  cool  hundred  for  goods 
priced  well  over  four ;  and  £35  to  come  off 
for  bait,  since  we  only  got  a  tenner  for  the 
41 


Raffles 

ring  I  bought  and  paid  for  like  an  ass.  I'll 
be  shot  if  I  ever  touch  a  diamond  again! 
Not  if  it  was  the  Koh-i-noor;  those  few 
whacking  stones  are  too  well  known,  and 
to  cut  them  up  is  to  decrease  their  value 
by  arithmetical  retrogression.  Besides,  that 
brings  you  up  against  the  Fence  once  more, 
and  Fm  done  with  the  beggars  for  good 
and  all.  You  talk  about  your  editors  and 
publishers,  you  literary  swine.  Barabbas 
was  neither  a  robber  nor  a  publisher,  but 
a  six-barred,  barbed,  wired,  spike-topped 
Fence.  What  we  really  want  is  an  Incor- 
porated Society  of  Thieves,  with  some  pub- 
lic-spirited old  forger  to  run  it  for  us  on 
business  lines." 

Raffles  uttered  these  blasphemies  under 
his  breath,  not,  I  am  afraid,  out  of  any 
respect  for  my  one  redeeming  profession, 
but  because  we  were  taking  a  midnight  air- 
ing on  the  roof,  after  a  whole  day  of  June 
in  the  little  flat  below.  The  stars  shone 
overhead,  the  lights  of  London  underneath, 
and  between  the  lips  of  Raffles  a  cigarette 
of  the  old  and  only  brand.  I  had  sent  in 
secret  for  a  box  of  the  best ;  the  boon  had 
4» 


A  Jubilee  Present 

arrived  that  night;  and  the  foregoing 
speech  was  the  first  result.  I  could  afford 
to  ignore  the  insolent  asides,  however, 
where  the  apparent  contention  was  so  mani- 
festly unsound. 

"  And  how  are  you  going  to  get  rid  of 
your  gold  ?  "  said  I,  pertinently. 

"  Nothing  easier,  my  dear  rabbit." 

"  Is  your  Room  of  Gold  a  roomful  of 
sovereigns  ?  " 

Raffles  laughed  softly  at  my  scorn. 

"  No,  Bunny,  it's  principally  in  the  shape 
of  archaic  ornaments,  whose  value,  I  admit, 
is  largely  extrinsic.  But  gold  is  gold,  from 
Phoenicia  to  Klondike,  and  if  we  cleared 
the  room  we  should  eventually  do  very 
well." 

"How?" 

"  I  should  melt  it  down  into  a  nugget, 
and  bring  it  home  from  the  U.S.A.  to- 
morrow." 

"And  then?" 

"  Make  them  pay  up  in  hard  cash  across 
the  counter  of  the  Bank  of  England.  And 
you  can  make  them." 

That  I  knew,  and  so  said  nothing  for  a 
43 


Raffles 

time,  remaining  a  hostile  though  a  silent 
critic,  while  we  paced  the  cool  black  leads 
with  our  bare  feet,  softly  as  cats. 

"  And  how  do  you  propose  to  get  enough 
away,"  at  length  I  asked,  "  to  make  it  worth 
while?" 

"Ah,  there  you  have  it,"  said  Raffles. 
**  I  only  propose  to  reconnoitre  the  ground, 
to  see  what  we  can  see.  We  might  find 
some  hiding-place  for  a  night;  that,  I  am 
afraid,  would  be  our  only  chance." 

"  Have  you  ever  been  there  before  ?  " 

"  Not  since  they  got  the  one  good,  port- 
able piece  which  I  believe  that  they  exhibit 
now.  It's  a  long  time  since  I  read  of  it — 
I  can't  remember  where — but  I  know  they 
have  got  a  gold  cup  of  sorts  worth  several 
thousands.  A  number  of  the  immorally 
rich  clubbed  together  and  presented  it  to 
the  nation;  and  two  of  the  richly  immoral 
intend  to  snaffle  it  for  themselves.  At  any 
rate  we  might  go  and  have  a  look  at  it. 
Bunny,  don't  you  think  ?  " 

Think !    I  seized  his  arm. 

"When?     When?     When?"   I   asked, 
like  a  quick-firing  gun. 
44 


A  Jubilee  Present 

"  The  sooner  the  better,  while  old  Theo- 
bald's away  on  his  honeymoon." 

Our  medico  had  married  the  week  before, 
nor  was  any  fellow-practitioner  taking  his 
work — at  least  not  that  considerable  branch 
of  it  which  consisted  of  Raffles — during  his 
brief  absence  from  town.  There  were  rea- 
sons, delightfully  obvious  to  us,  why  such 
a  plan  would  have  been  highly  unwise  in 
Dr.  Theobald.  I,  however,  was  sending 
him  daily  screeds,  and  both  matutinal  and 
nocturnal  telegrams,  the  composition  of 
which  afforded  Raffles  not  a  little  enjoy- 
ment. 

"Well,  then,  when — when?'*  I  began  to 
repeat. 

"  To-morrow,  if  you  like." 

"Only  to  look?" 

The  limitation  was  my  one  regret. 

"  We  must  do  so,  Bunny,  before  we  leap." 

"  Very  well,"  I  sighed.  "  But  to-morrow 
it  is!" 

And  the  morrow  it  really  was. 

I  saw  the  porter  that  night,  and,  I  still 
think,  bought  his  absolute  allegiance  for  the 
second  coin  of  the  realm.  My  story,  how- 
45 


Raffles 

2ver,  invented  by  Raffles,  was  sufficiently 
specious  in  itself.  That  sick  gentleman, 
Mr.  Maturin  (as  I  had  to  remember  to  call 
him),  was  really,  or  apparently,  sickening 
for  fresh  air.  Dr.  Theobald  would  allow 
him  none;  he  was  pestering  me  for  just 
one  day  in  the  country  while  the  glorious 
weather  lasted.  I  was  myself  convinced 
that  no  possible  harm  could  come  of  the  ex- 
periment. Would  the  porter  help  me  in  so 
innocent  and  meritorious  an  intrigue  ?  The 
man  hesitated.  I  produced  my  half-sove- 
reign. The  man  was  lost.  And  at  half-past 
eight  next  morning — before  the  heat  of  the 
day — Raffles  and  I  drove  to  Kew  Gardens 
in  a  hired  landau  which  was  to  call  for  us 
at  mid-day  and  wait  until  we  came.  The 
porter  had  assisted  me  to  carry  my  invalid 
downstairs,  in  a  carrying-chair  hired  (like 
the  landau)  from  Harrod's  Stores  for  the 
occasion. 

It  was  little  after  nine  when  we  crawled 
together  into  the  gardens;  by  half-past  my 
invalid  had  had  enough,  and  out  he  tottered 
on  my  arm ;  a  cab,  a  message  to  our  coach- 
man, a  timely  train  to  Baker  Street,  another 
46 


A  Jubilee  Present 

cab,  and  we  were  at  the  British  Museum — 
brisk  pedestrians  now — not  very  many  min- 
utes after  the  opening  hour  of  lo  a.m. 

It  was  one  of  those  glowing  days  which 
will  not  be  forgotten  by  many  who  were  in 
town  at  the  time.  The  Diamond  Jubilee 
was  upon  us,  and  Queen's  weather  had  al- 
ready set  in.  Raffles,  indeed,  declared  it 
was  as  hot  as  Italy  and  Australia  put  to- 
gether; and  certainly  the  short  summer 
nights  gave  the  channels  of  wood  and  as- 
phalt and  the  continents  of  brick  and  mortar 
but  little  time  to  cool.  At  the  British  Mu- 
seum the  pigeons  were  crooning  among  the 
shadows  of  the  grimy  colonnade,  and  the 
stalwart  janitors  looked  less  stalwart  than 
usual,  as  though  their  medals  were  too  heavy 
for  them.  I  recognised  some  habitual  Read- 
ers going  to  their  labour  underneath  the 
dome;  of  mere  visitors  we  seemed  among 
the  first. 

"  That's  the  room,"  said  Raffles,  who  had 
bought  the  two-penny  guide,  as  we  studied 
it  openly  on  the  nearest  bench ;  "  number 
43,  upstairs  and  sharp  round  to  the  right. 
Come  on,  Bunny !  " 

47 


Raffles 

And  he  led  the  way  in  silence,  but  with 
a  long  methodical  stride  which  I  could  not 
understand  until  we  came  to  the  corridor 
leading  to  the  Room  of  Gold,  when  he 
turned  to  me  for  a  moment. 

*'A  hundred  and  thirty-nine  yards  from 
this  to  the  open  street,"  said  Raffles,  "  not 
counting  the  stairs.  I  suppose  we  could  do 
.t  in  twenty  seconds,  but  if  we  did  we  should 
have  to  jump  the  gates.  No,  you  must  re- 
member to  loaf  out  at  slow  march,  Bunny, 
whether  you  like  it  or  not." 

"  But  you  talked  about  a  hiding-place  for 
a  night?" 

"  Quite  so — for  all  night.  We  should 
have  to  get  back,  go  on  lying  low,  and 
saunter  out  with  the  crowd  next  day — after 
doing  the  whole  show  thoroughly." 

"  What !    With  gold  in  our  pockets " 

"  And  gold  in  our  boots,  and  gold  up  the 
sleeves  and  legs  of  our  suits!  You  leave 
that  to  me,  Bunny,  and  wait  till  youVe  tried 
two  pairs  of  trousers  sewn  together  at  the 
foot!  This  is  only  a  preliminary  recon- 
noitre.   And  here  we  are." 

It  is  none  of  my  business  to  describe  the 
48 


A  Jubilee  Present 

so-called  Room  of  Gold,  with  which  I,  for 
one,  was  not  a  little  disappointed.  The 
glass  cases,  which  both  fill  and  line  it,  may 
contain  unique  examples  of  the  goldsmith's 
art  in  times  and  places  of  which  one  heard 
quite  enough  in  the  course  of  one's  classical 
education ;  but,  from  a  professional  point 
of  view,  I  would  as  lief  have  the  ransacking 
of  a  single  window  in  the  West  End  as  the 
pick  of  all  those  spoils  of  Etruria  and  of 
ancient  Greece.  The  gold  may  not  be  so 
soft  as  it  appears,  but  it  certainly  looks  as 
though  you  could  bite  off  the  business  ends 
of  the  spoons,  and  stop  your  own  teeth  in 
doing  so.  Nor  should  I  care  to  be  seen 
wearing  one  of  the  rings ;  but  the  greatest 
fraud  of  all  (from  the  aforesaid  standpoint) 
is  assuredly  that  very  cup  of  which  Raffles 
had  spoken.  Moreover,  he  felt  this  him- 
self. 

"Why,  it's  as  thin  as  paper,"  said  he, 
"  and  enamelled  like  a  middle-aged  lady  of 
quality !  But,  by  Jove,  it's  one  of  the  most 
beautiful  things  I  ever  saw  in  my  life, 
Bunny.  I  should  like  to  have  it  for  its  own 
Bake,  by  all  my  gods ! " 
49 


Raffles 

The  thing  had  a  little  square  case  of 
plate-glass  all  to  itself  at  one  end  of  the 
room.  It  may  have  been  the  thing  of 
beauty  that  Raffles  affected  to  consider  it, 
but  I  for  my  part  was  in  no  mood  to  look 
at  it  in  that  light.  Underneath  were  the 
names  of  the  plutocrats  who  had  subscribed 
for  this  national  gewgaw,  and  I  fell  to  won- 
dering where  their  i8,ooo  came  in,  while 
Raffles  devoured  his  two-penny  guide-book 
as  greedily  as  a  school-girl  with  a  zeal  for 
culture. 

"  Those  are  scenes  from  the  martyrdom 
of  St.  Agnes,"  said  he  ..."  '  translu- 
cent on  relief  .  .  .  one  of  the  finest 
specimens  of  its  kind.*  I  should  think  it 
was !  Bunny,  you  Philistine,  why  can't  you 
admire  the  thing  for  its  own  sake?  It 
would  be  worth  having  only  to  live  up  to! 
There  never  was  such  rich  enamelling  on 
such  thin  gold;  and  what  a  good  scheme 
to  hang  the  lid  up  over  it,  so  that  you  can 
see  how  thin  it  is.  I  wonder  if  we  could 
lift  it.  Bunny,  by  hook  or  crook?" 

"  You'd  better  try,  sir,"  said  a  dry  voice 
at  his  elbow. 

50 


A  Jubilee  Present 

The  madman  seemed  to  think  we  had  the 
room  to  ourselves.  I  knew  better,  but,  like 
another  madman,  had  let  him  ramble  on 
unchecked.  And  here  was  a  stolid  constable 
confronting  us,  in  the  short  tunic  that  they 
wear  in  summer,  his  whistle  on  its  chain, 
but  no  truncheon  at  his  side.  Heavens! 
how  I  see  him  now :  a  man  of  medium  size, 
with  a  broad,  good-humoured,  perspiring 
face,  and  a  limp  moustache.  He  looked 
sternly  at  Raffles,  and  Raffles  looked  merrily 
at  him. 

*'  Going  to  run  me  in,  officer  ?  "  said  he. 
"  That  would  be  a  joke — ^my  hat !  " 

"  I  didn't  say  as  I  was,  sir,"  replied  the 
policeman.  *'  But  that's  queer  talk  for  a 
gentleman  like  you,  sir,  in  the  British  Mu- 
seum ! "  And  he  wagged  his  helmet  at  my 
invalid,  who  had  taken  his  airing  in  frock- 
coat  and  top-hat,  the  more  readily  to  as- 
sume his  present  part. 

"  What !  "  cried  Raffles,  "  simply  saying 
to  my  friend  that  Fd  like  to  lift  the  gold 
cup  ?  Why,  so  I  should,  officer,  so  I  should  I 
I  don't  mind  who  hears  me  say  so.  It's 
one  of  the  most  beautiful  things  I  ey^r  saw 
in  all  my  life." 

5« 


Raffles 

The  constable's  face  had  already  relaxed, 
and  now  a  grin  peeped  under  the  limp  mous- 
tache. "  I  daresay  there's  many  as  feels 
like  that,  sir,"  said  he. 

"  Exactly ;  and  I  say  what  I  feel,  that's 
all,"  said  Raffles  airily.  "  But  seriously, 
officer,  is  a  valuable  thing  like  this  quite 
safe  in  a  case  like  that  ?  " 

"  Safe  enough  as  long  as  I'm  here,"  re- 
plied the  other,  between  grim  jest  and  stout 
earnest.  Raffles  studied  his  face;  he  was 
still  watching  Raffles;  and  I  kept  an  eye 
on  them  both  without  putting  in  my  word. 

"  You  appear  to  be  single-handed,"  ob- 
served Raffles.    "  Is  that  wise?  " 

The  note  of  anxiety  was  capitally  caught ; 
it  was  at  once  personal  and  public-spirited, 
that  of  the  enthusiastic  savant,  afraid  for  a 
national  treasure  which  few  appreciated  as 
he  did  himself.  And,  to  be  sure,  the  three 
of  us  now  had  this  treasury  to  ourselves; 
one  or  two  others  had  been  there  when  we 
entered;   but  now  they  were  gone. 

"  I'm  not  single-handed,"  said  the  officer, 
comfortably.  "  See  that  seat  by  the  door  ? 
One  of  the  attendants  sits  there  all  day 
long." 

5« 


A  Jubilee  Present 

**  Then  where  is  he  now  ?  " 

"  Talking  to  another  attendant  just  out- 
side. If  you  listen  you'll  hear  them  for 
yourself." 

We  listened,  and  we  did  hear  them,  but 
not  just  outside.  In  my  own  mind  I  even 
questioned  whether  they  were  in  the  cor- 
ridor through  which  we  had  come;  to  me 
it  sounded  as  though  they  were  just  out- 
side the  corridor. 

"  You  mean  the  fellow  with  the  billiard- 
cue  who  was  here  when  we  came  in  ?  '*  pur- 
sued Raffles. 

"That  wasn't  a  billiard-cue!  It  was  a 
pointer,"  the  intelligent  officer  explained. 

"  It  ought  to  be  a  javeHn,"  said  Raffles, 
nervously.  "  It  ought  to  be  a  poleaxe ! 
The  public  treasure  ought  to  be  better 
guarded  than  this.  I  shall  write  to  the 
Times  about  it — you  see  if  I  don't !  " 

All  at  once,  yet  somehow  not  so  suddenly 
as  to  excite  suspicion,  Raffles  had  become 
the  elderly  busybody  with  nerves;  why,  I 
could  not  for  the  life  of  me  imagine;  and 
the  policeman  seemed  equally  at  sea. 

"  Lor'  bless  you,  sir,"  said  he,  "  I'm  all 
53 


Raffles 

right;  don*t  you  bother  your  head  about 
mer 

"  But  you  haven't  even  got  a  truncheon !  " 

"  Not  likely  to  want  one  either.  You 
see,  sir,  it's  early  as  yet;  in  a  few  minutes 
these  here  rooms  will  fill  up;  and  there's 
safety  in  numbers,  as  they  say." 

*'  Oh,  it  will  fill  up  soon,  will  it?  " 

"  Any  minute  now,  sir." 

"Ah!" 

"  It  isn't  often  empty  as  long  as  this,  sir. 
It's  the  Jubilee,  I  suppose." 

"  Meanwhile,  what  if  my  friend  and  I  had 
been  professional  thieves?  Why,  we  could 
have  overpowered  you  in  an  instant,  my 
good  fellow !  " 

<  "  That  you  couldn't ;  leastways,  not  with- 
out bringing  the  whole  place  about  your 
ears." 

"  Well,  I  shall  write  to  the  Times  all  the 
same.  I'm  a  connoisseur  in  all  this  sort  of 
thing,  and  I  won't  have  unnecessary  risks 
run  with  the  nation's  property.  You  said 
there  was  an  attendant  just  outside,  but  he 
sounds  to  me  as  though  he  were  at  the 
other  end  of  the  corridor.  I  shall  write 
to-day!" 

54 


A  Jubilee  Present 

For  an  instant  we  all  three  listened ;  and 
Raffles  was  right.  Then  I  saw  two  things 
in  one  glance.  Raffles  had  stepped  a  few 
inches  backward,  and  stood  poised  upon  the 
ball  of  each  foot,  his  arms  half  raised,  a 
light  in  his  eyes.  And  another  kind  of  light 
was  breaking  over  the  crass  features  of  our 
friend  the  constable. 

"  Then  shall  I  tell  you  what  I'll  do?  "  he 
cried,  with  a  sudden  clutch  at  the  whistle- 
chain  on  his  chest.  The  whistle  flew  out, 
but  it  never  reached  his  lips.  There  were 
a  couple  of  sharp  smacks,  like  double  bar- 
rels discharged  all  but  simultaneously,  and 
the  man  reeled  against  me  so  that  I  could 
not  help  catching  him  as  he  fell. 

"  Well  done.  Bunny !  I've  knocked  him 
out — I've  knocked  him  out!  Run  you  to 
the  door  and  see  if  the  attendants  have 
heard  anything,  and  take  them  on  if  they 
have." 

Mechanically  I  did  as  I  was  told.  There 
was  no  time  for  thought,  still  less  for  remon- 
strance or  reproach,  though  my  surprise 
must  have  been  even  more  complete  than 
that  of  the  constable  before  Raffles  knocked 
55 


Raffles 

the  sense  out  of  him.  Even  in  my  utter 
bewilderment,  however,  the  instinctive  cau- 
tion of  the  real  criminal  did  not  desert  me. 
I  ran  to  the  door,  but  I  sauntered  through 
it,  to  plant  myself  before  a  Pompeiian  fresco 
in  the  corridor;  and  there  were  the  two 
attendants  still  gossiping  outside  the  fur- 
ther door ;  nor  did  they  hear  the  dull  crash 
which  I  heard  even  as  I  watched  them  out 
of  the  corner  of  each  eye. 

It  was  hot  weather,  as  I  have  said,  but 
the  perspiration  on  my  body  seemed  already 
to  have  turned  into  a  skin  of  ice.  Then  I 
caught  the  faint  reflection  of  my  own  face 
in  the  casing  of  the  fresco,  and  it  fright- 
ened me  into  some  semblance  of  myself  as 
Raffles  joined  me  with  his  hands  in  his 
pockets.  But  my  fear  and  indignation  were 
redoubled  at  the  sight  of  him,  when  a  single 
glance  convinced  me  that  his  pockets  were 
as  empty  as  his  hands,  and  his  mad  outrage 
the  most  wanton  and  reckless  of  his  whole 
career. 

*'  Ah,  very  interesting,  very  interesting, 
but  nothing  to  what  they  have  in  the  mu- 
seum at  Naples  or  in  Pompeii  itself.  You 
56 


A  Jubilee  Present 

must  go  there  some  day,  Bunny.  I've  a 
good  mind  to  take  you  myself.  Meanwhile 
— slow  march!  The  beggar  hasn't  moved 
an  eyelid.  We  may  swing  for  him  if  you 
show  indecent  haste !  " 

"We!"  I  whispered.    "We!" 

And  my  knees  knocked  together  as  we 
came  up  to  the  chatting  attendants.  But 
Raffles  must  needs  interrupt  them  to  ask 
the  way  to  the  Prehistoric  Saloon. 

"  At  the  top  of  the  stairs." 

"  Thank  you.  Then  we'll  work  round 
that  way  to  the  Egyptian  part." 

And  we  left  them  resuming  their  provi- 
dential chat. 

"  I  believe  you're  mad,"  I  said  bitterly 
as  we  went. 

"  I  believe  I  was  J'  admitted  Raffles ; 
"  but  I'm  not  now,  and  I'll  see  you  through. 
A  hundred  and  thirty-nine  yards,  wasn't  it  ? 
Then  it  can't  be  more  than  a  hundred  and 
twenty  now — not  as  much.  Steady,  Bunny, 
for  God's  sake.  It's  slow  march — for  our 
lives." 

There  was  this  much  management.  The 
rest  was  our  colossal  luck.  A  hansom  3va§ 
57 


Raffles 

being  paid  off  at  the  foot  of  the  steps  out- 
side, and  in  we  jumped,  Raffles  shouting 
"  Charing  Cross !  "  for  all  Bloomsbury  to 
hear. 

We  had  turned  into  Bloomsbury  Street 
without  exchanging  a  syllable  when  he 
struck  the  trap-door  with  his  fist. 

"  Where  the  devil  are  you  driving  us  ?  " 

**  Charing  Cross,  sir." 

"  I  said  King's  Cross !  Round  you  spin, 
and  drive  like  blazes,  or  we  miss  our  train ! 
There's  one  to  York  at  10.35,"  added  Raf- 
fles as  the  trap-door  slammed ;  "  we'll  book 
there.  Bunny,  and  then  we'll  slope  through 
the  subway  to  the  Metropolitan,  and  so  to 
ground  via  Baker  Street  and  Earl's  Court." 

And  actually  in  half  an  hour  he  was 
seated  once  more  in  the  hired  carrying  chair, 
while  the  porter  and  I  staggered  upstairs 
with  my  decrepit  charge,  for  whose  shat- 
tered strength  even  one  hour  in  Kew  Gar- 
dens had  proved  too  much !  Then,  and  not 
until  then,  when  we  had  got  rid  of  the 
porter  and  were  alone  at  last,  did  I  tell 
Raffles,  in  the  most  nervous  English  at 
my  command,  frankly  and  exactly  what  I 
58 


A  Jubilee  Present 

thought  of  him  and  of  his  latest  deed.  Once 
started,  moreover,  I  spoke  as  I  have  seldom 
spoken  to  living  man;  and  Raffles,  of  all 
men,  stood  my  abuse  without  a  murmur; 
or  rather  he  sat  it  out,  too  astounded  even 
to  take  off  his  hat,  though  I  thought  his 
eyebrows  would  have  lifted  it  from  his  head. 

"  But  it  always  was  your  infernal  way," 
I  was  savagely  concluding.  "  You  make 
one  plan,  and  you  tell  me  another " 

"  Not  to-day,  Bunny,  I  swear !  " 

"  You  mean  to  tell  me  you  really  did 
start  with  the  bare  idea  of  finding  a  place 
to  hide  in  for  a  night  ?  " 

"  Of  course  I  did." 

"  It  was  to  be  the  mere  reconnoitre  you 
pretended  ?  " 

"  There  was  no  pretence  about  it,  Bunny." 

**  Then  why  on  earth  go  and  do  what 
you  did?" 

"  The  reason  would  be  obvious  to  anyone 
but  you,"  said  Raffles,  still  with  no  unkindly 
scorn.  "  It  was  the  temptation  of  a  min- 
ute— the  final  impulse  of  the  fraction  of  a 
second,  when  Roberto  saw  that  I  was 
tempted,  and  let  me  see  that  he  saw  it.  It's 
59 


Raffles 

not  a  thing  I  care  to  do,  and  I  shan't  be 
happy  till  the  papers  tell  me  the  poor  devil 
is  alive.  But  a  knock-out  shot  was  the  only 
chance  for  us  then." 

"  Why  ?  You  don't  get  run  in  for  being 
tempted,  nor  yet  for  showing  that  you  are !  " 

"  But  I  should  have  deserved  running  in 
if  I  hadn't  yielded  to  such  a  temptation  as 
that,  Bunny.  It  was  a  chance  in  a  hundred 
thousand!  We  might  go  there  every  day 
of  our  lives,  and  never  again  be  the  only 
outsiders  in  the  room,  with  the  billiard- 
marking  Johnnie  practically  out  of  earshot 
at  one  and  the  same  time.  It  was  a  gift 
from  the  gods ;  not  to  have  taken  it  would 
have  been  flying  in  the  face  of  Providence." 

"  But  you  didn't  take  it,"  said  I.  "  You 
went  and  left  it  behind." 

I  wish  I  had  had  a  Kodak  for  the  little 
smile  with  which  Raffles  shook  his  head, 
for  it  was  one  that  he  kept  for  those  great 
moments  of  which  our  vocation  is  not  de- 
void. All  this  time  he  had  been  wearing 
his  hat,  tilted  a  little  over  eyebrows  no 
longer  raised.  And  now  at  last  I  knew 
where  the  gold  cup  was. 
60 


A  Jubilee  Present 

It  stood  for  days  upon  his  chimney-piece, 
this  costly  trophy  whose  ancient  history  and 
final  fate  filled  newspaper  columns  even  in 
these  days  of  Jubilee,  and  for  which  the 
flower  of  Scotland  Yard  was  said  to  be 
seeking  high  and  low.  Our  constable,  we 
learnt,  had  been  stunned  only,  and,  from 
the  moment  that  I  brought  him  an  evening 
paper  with  the  news,  Raffles's  spirits  rose 
to  a  height  inconsistent  with  his  equable 
temperament,  and  as  unusual  in  him  as  the 
sudden  impulse  upon  which  he  had  acted 
with  such  effect.  The  cup  itself  appealed 
to  me  no  more  than  it  had  done  before. 
Exquisite  it  might  be,  handsome  it  was,  but 
so  light  in  the  hand  that  the  mere  gold  of 
it  would  scarcely  have  poured  three  figures 
out  of  melting-pot.  And  what  said  Raffles 
but  that  he  would  never  melt  it  at  all ! 

"  Taking  it  was  an  offence  against  the 
laws  of  the  land,  Bunny.  That  is  nothing. 
But  destroying  it  would  be  a  crime  against 
God  and  Art,  and  may  I  be  spitted  on  the 
vane  of  St.  Mary  Abbot's  if  I  commit  it !  " 

Talk  such  as  this  was  unanswerable;  in- 
deed, the  whole  affair  had  passed  the  pale 
6i 


Raffles 

of  useful  comment ;  and  the  one  course  left 
to  a  practical  person  was  to  shrug  his  shoul- 
ders and  enjoy  the  joke.  This  was  not  a 
little  enhanced  by  the  newspaper  reports, 
which  described  Raffles  as  a  handsome 
youth,  and  his  unwilling  accomplice  as  an 
older  man  of  blackguardly  appearance  and 
low  type. 

"  Hits  us  both  off  rather  neatly.  Bunny,'* 
said  he.  *'  But  what  they  none  of  them  do 
justice  to  is  my  dear  cup.  Look  at  it ;  only 
look  at  it,  man !  Was  ever  anything  so  rich 
and  yet  so  chaste?  St.  Agnes  must  have 
had  a  pretty  bad  time,  but  it  would  be  al- 
most worth  it  to  go  down  to  posterity  in 
such  enamel  upon  such  gold.  And  then  the 
history  of  the  thing.  Do  you  realise  that 
it's  five  hundred  years  old  and  has  belonged 
to  Henry  the  Eighth  and  to  Elizabeth  among 
others?  Bunny,  when  you  have  me  cre- 
mated, you  can  put  my  ashes  in  yonder  cup, 
and  lay  us  in  the  deep-delved  earth  to- 
gether !  " 

"  And  meanwhile  ?  " 

"  It  is  the  joy  of  my  heart,  the  light  of 
my  life,  the  delight  of  mine  eye." 
62 


A  Jubilee  Present 

"  And  suppose  other  eyes  catch  sight  of 

it?" 

"  They  never  must ;  they  never  shall." 

Raffles  would  have  been  too  absurd  had 
he  not  been  thoroughly  alive  to  his  own  ab- 
surdity; there  was  nevertheless  an  under- 
lying sincerity  in  his  appreciation  of  any 
and  every  form  of  beauty,  which  all  his 
nonsense  could  not  conceal.  And  his  in- 
fatuation for  the  cup  was,  as  he  declared, 
a  very  pure  passion,  since  the  circumstances 
debarred  him  from  the  chief  joy  of  the 
average  collector,  that  of  showing  his  treas- 
ure to  his  friends.  At  last,  however,  and  at 
the  height  of  his  craze.  Raffles  and  reason 
seemed  to  come  together  again  as  suddenly 
as  they  had  parted  company  in  the  Room 
of  Gold. 

"  Bunny,"  he  cried,  flinging  his  news- 
paper across  the  room,  "  I've  got  an  idea 
after  your  own  heart.  I  know  where  I  can 
place  it  after  all !  " 

"  Do  you  mean  the  cup  ?  " 

"  I  do." 

"  Then  I  congratulate  you." 

"  Thanks." 

63 


Raffles 

"  Upon  the  recovery  of  your  senses." 

"  Thanks  galore.  But  you've  been  con- 
foundedly unsympathetic  about  this  thing, 
Bunny,  and  I  don't  think  I  shall  tell  you 
my  scheme  till  I've  carried  it  out.'* 

"  Quite  time  enough,"  said  I. 

"  It  will  mean  your  letting  me  loose  for 
an  hour  or  two  under  cloud  of  this  very 
night.  To-morrow's  Sunday,  the  Jubilee's 
on  Tuesday,  and  old  Theobald's  coming 
back  for  it." 

"  It  doesn't  much  matter  whether  he's 
back  or  not  if  you  go  late  enough.'* 

"  I  mustn't  be  late.  They  don't  keep 
open.  No,  it's  no  use  your  asking  any 
questions.  Go  out  and  buy  me  a  big  box 
of  Huntley  &  Palmer's  biscuits;  any  sort 
you  like,  only  they  must  be  theirs,  and  ab- 
solutely the  biggest  box  they  sell." 

"  My  dear  man !  " 

"  No  questions,  Bunny ;  you  do  your  part 
and  I'll  do  mine." 

Subtlety  and  success  were  in  his  face.    It 

was  enough  for  me,  and  I  had  done  his 

extraordinary  bidding  within  a  quarter  of 

an  hour.     In  another  minute  Raffles  had 

64 


A  Jubilee  Present 

opened  the  box  and  tumbled  all  the  biscuits 
into  the  nearest  chair. 

"  Now  newspapers !  " 

I  fetched  a  pile.  He  bid  the  cup  of  gold 
a  ridiculous  farewell,  wrapped  it  up  in  news- 
paper after  newspaper,  and  finally  packed 
it  in  the  empty  biscuit-box. 

"  Now  some  brown  paper.  I  don't  want 
to  be  taken  for  the  grocer's  young  man." 

A  neat  enough  parcel  it  m^ade,  when  the 
string  had  been  tied  and  the  ends  cut  close ; 
what  was  more  difficult  was  to  wrap  up 
Raffles  himself  in  such  a  way  that  even  the 
porter  should  not  recognise  him  if  they 
came  face  to  face  at  the  corner.  And  the 
sun  was  still  up.  But  Raffles  would  go,  and 
when  he  did  I  should  not  have  known  him 
myself. 

He  may  have  been  an  hour  away.  It  was 
barely  dusk  when  he  returned,  and  my  first 
question  referred  to  our  dangerous  ally,  the 
porter.  Raffles  had  passed  him  unsuspected 
in  going,  but  had  managed  to  avoid  him 
altogether  on  the  return  journey,  which  he 
had  completed  by  way  of  the  other  entrance 
and  the  roof.  I  breathed  again. 
65 


Raffles 

"  And  what  have  you  done  with  the  cup  ?  " 

"  Placed  it !  " 

"How  much  for?    How  much  for?'* 

"  Let  me  think.  I  had  a  couple  of  cabs, 
and  the  postage  was  a  tanner,  with  another 
twopence  for  registration.  Yes,  it  cost  me 
exactly  five-and-eight." 

"  It  cost  you?  But  what  did  you  get  for 
it,  Raffles?" 

"  Nothing,  my  boy." 

"Nothing!" 

"  Not  a  crimson  cent." 

"  I  am  not  surprised.  I  never  thought  it 
had  a  market  value.  I  told  you  so  in  the 
beginning,"  I  said,  irritably.  "  But  what 
on  earth  have  you  done  with  the  thing  ?  " 

"  Sent  it  to  the  Queen." 

"  You  haven't !  " 

Rogue  is  a  word  with  various  meanings, 
and  Raffles  had  been  one  sort  of  rogue  ever 
since  I  had  known  him ;  but  now,  for  once, 
he  was  the  innocent  variety,  a  great  gray- 
haired  child,  running  over  with  merriment 
and  mischief. 

"  Well,  I've  sent  it  to  Sir  Arthur  Bigge, 
to  present  to  her  Majesty,  with  the  loyal 
66 


A  Jubilee  Present 

respects  of  the  thief,  if  that  will  do  for 
you,"  said  Raffles.  "  I  thought  they  might 
take  too  much  stock  of  me  at  the  G.P.O. 
if  I  addressed  it  to  the  Sovereign  herself. 
Yes,  I  drove  over  to  St.  Martin's-le-Grand 
with  it,  and  I  registered  the  box  into  the 
bargain.  Do  a  thing  properly  if  you  do 
it  at  all." 

**  But  why  on  earth,"  I  groaned,  "  do  such 
a  thing  at  all?" 

"  My  dear  Bunny,  we  have  been  reigned 
over  for  sixty  years  by  infinitely  the  finest 
monarch  the  world  has  ever  seen.  The 
world  is  taking  the  present  opportunity  of 
signifying  the  fact  for  all  it  is  worth. 
Every  nation  is  laying  of  its  best  at  her 
royal  feet;  every  class  in  the  community  is 
doing  its  little  level — except  ours.  All  I 
have  done  is  to  remove  one  reproach  from 
our  fraternity." 

At  this  I  came  round,  was  infected  with 
his  spirit,  called  him  the  sportsman  he  al- 
ways was  and  would  be,  and  shook  his  dare- 
devil hand  in  mine;  but,  at  the  same  time, 
I  still  had  my  qualms. 

"  Supposing  they  trace  it  to  us  ?  "  said  I. 
67 


Raffles 

"  There^s  not  much  to  catch  hold  of  in 
a  biscuit-bo:  1  y  Huntley  &  Palmer,"  re- 
plied Raffles ;  "  that  was  why  I  sent  you 
for  one.  And  I  didn't  write  a  word  upon 
a  sheet  of  paper  which  could  possibly  be 
traced.  I  simply  printed  two  or  three  on 
a  virginal  post-card — another  half -penny  to 
the  bad — which  might  have  been  bought  at 
any  post-office  in  the  kingdom.  No,  old 
chap,  the  G.P.O.  was  the  one  real  danger; 
there  was  one  detective  I  spotted  for  my- 
self ;  and  the  sight  of  him  has  left  me  with 
a  thirst.  Whisky  and  Sullivans  for  two, 
Bunny,  if  you  please." 

Raffles  was  soon  clinking  his  glass  against 
mine. 

"The  Queen,"  said  he.  "God  bless 
her!" 


68 


THE  FATE  OF  FAUSTINA 

"  Mar— ga— ri, 

e  perzo  a  Salvatore  ! 
Mar — ga — ri, 

Ma  Tommo  e  cacciatore ! 
Mar— ga— ri, 

Nun  ce  aje  corpa  tu ! 
Chello  ch'  t  fatto,  e  fatto,  un  ne  parlammo  cchieu ! " 

A  PIANO-ORGAN  was  pouring  the 
metallic  music  through  our  open  win- 
dows, while  a  voice  of  brass  brayed  the 
words,  which  I  have  since  obtained,  and 
print  above  for  identification  by  such  as 
know  their  Italy  better  than  I.  They  will 
not  thank  me  for  reminding  them  of  a  tune 
so  lately  epidemic  in  that  land  of  aloes  and 
blue  skies ;  but  at  least  it  is  unlikely  to  run 
in  their  heads  as  the  ribald  accompaniment 
to  a  tragedy ;  and  it  does  in  mine. 

It  was  in  the  early  heat  of  August,  and 
the  hour  that  of  the  lawful  and  necessary 
siesta  for  such  as  turn  night  into  day.    I 
69 


Raffles 

was  therefore  shutting  my  window  in  a 
rage,  and  wondering  whether  I  should  not 
do  the  same  for  Raffles,  when  he  appeared 
in  the  silk  pajamas  to  which  the  chronic 
solicitude  of  Dr.  Theobald  confined  him 
from  morning  to  night. 

"  Don't  do  that,  Bunny,"  said  he.  "  I 
rather  like  that  thing,  and  want  to  listen. 
What  sort  of  fellows  are  they  to  look  at, 
by  the  way  ?  " 

I  put  my  head  out  to  see,  it  being  a 
primary  rule  of  our  quaint  establishment 
that  Raffles  must  never  show  himself  at  any 
of  the  windows.  I  remember  now  how  hot 
the  sill  was  to  my  elbows,  as  I  leant  upon 
it  and  looked  down,  in  order  to  satisfy  a 
curiosity  in  which  I  could  see  no  point. 

**  Dirty-looking  beggars,"  said  I  over  my 
shoulder :  "  dark  as  dark ;  blue  chins,  ole- 
aginous curls,  and  ear-rings;  ragged  as 
they  make  them,  but  nothing  picturesque  in 
their  rags." 

**  Neapolitans  all  over,"  murmured  Raf- 
fles behind  me ;  "  and  that's  a  characteristic 
touch,  the  one  fellow  singing  while  the  other 
grinds;  they  always  have  that  out  there." 
70 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

"  He's  rather  a  fine  chap,  the  singer," 
said  I,  as  the  song  ended,  "  My  hat,  what 
teeth !  He's  looking  up  here,  and  grinning 
all  round  his  head ;  shall  I  chuck  them  any- 
thing? " 

"  Well,  I  have  no  reason  to  love  the 
Neapolitans ;  but  it  takes  me  back — it  takes 
me  back !    Yes,  here  you  are,  one  each." 

It  was  a  couple  of  half-crowns  that  Raf- 
fles put  into  my  hand,  but  I  had  thrown 
them  into  the  street  for  pennies  before  I  saw 
what  they  were.  Thereupon  I  left  the  Ital- 
ians bowing  to  the  mud,  as  well  they  might, 
and  I  turned  to  protest  against  such  wan- 
ton waste.  But  Raffles  was  walking  up  and 
down,  his  head  bent,  his  eyes  troubled ;  and 
his  one  excuse  disarmed  remonsirance. 

"  They  took  me  back,"  he  repeated.  **  My 
God,  how  they  took  me  back !  " 

Suddenly  he  stopped  in  his  stride. 

"  You  don't  understand.  Bunny,  old  chap ; 
but  if  you  like  you  shall.  I  always  meant 
to  tell  you  some  day,  but  never  felt  worked 
up  to  it  before,  and  it's  not  the  kind  of  thing 
one  talks  about  for  talking's  sake.  It  isn't 
a  nursery  story,  Bunny,  and  there  isn't  a 
71 


Raffles 

laugh  in  it  from  start  to  finish ;  on  the  con- 
trary, you  have  often  asked  me  what  turned 
my  hair  grey,  and  now  you  are  going  to 
hear." 

This  was  promising,  but  Raffles's  manner 
was  something  more.  It  was  unique  in  my 
memory  of  the  man.  His  fine  face  softened 
and  set  hard  by  turns.  I  never  knew  it  so 
hard.  I  never  knew  it  so  soft.  And  the 
same  might  be  said  of  his  voice,  now  ten- 
der as  any  woman's,  now  flying  to  the 
other  extreme  of  equally  unwonted  ferocity. 
But  this  was  toward  the  end  of  his  tale; 
the  beginning  he  treated  characteristically 
enough,  though  I  could  have  wished  for  a 
less  cavalier  account  of  the  island  of  Elba, 
where,  upon  his  own  showing,  he  had  met 
with  much  humanity. 

"  Deadly,  my  dear  Bunny,  is  not  the 
word  for  that  glorified  snag,  or  for  the 
mollusks  its  inhabitants.  But  they  started 
by  wounding  my  vanity,  so  perhaps  I  am 
prejudiced  after  all.  I  sprung  myself  upon 
them  as  a  ship-wrecked  sailor — a  sole  sur- 
vivor— stripped  in  the  sea  and  landed  with- 
out a  stitch — yet  they  took  no  more  interest 
72 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

in  me  than  you  do  in  ItaHan  organ-grind- 
ers. They  were  decent  enough.  I  didn't 
have  to  pick  and  steal  for  a  square  meal  and 
a  pair  of  trousers ;  it  would  have  been  more 
exciting  if  I  had.  But  what  a  place !  Na- 
poleon couldn't  stand  it,  you  remember,  but 
he  held  on  longer  than  I  did.  I  put  in  a 
few  weeks  in  their  infernal  mines,  simply 
to  pick  up  a  smattering  of  Italian ;  then  got 
across  to  the  mainland  in  a  little  wooden 
timber-tramp;  and  ungratefully  glad  I  was 
to  leave  Elba  blazing  in  just  such  another 
sunset  as  the  one  you  won't  forget. 

*'  The  tramp  was  bound  for  Naples,  but 
firstcit  touched  at  Baiae,  where  I  carefully 
deserted  in  the  night.  There  are  too  many 
English  in  Naples  itself,  though  I  thought 
it  would  make  a  first  happy  hunting-ground 
when  I  knew  the  language  better  and  had 
altered  myself  a  bit  more.  Meanwhile  I  got 
a  billet  of  several  sorts  on  one  of  the  loveli- 
est spots  that  ever  I  struck  on  all  my  trav- 
els. The  place  was  a  vineyard,  but  it  over- 
hung the  sea,  and  I  got  taken  on  as  tame 
sailorman  and  emergency  bottle-washer. 
The  wages  were  the  noble  figure  of  a  lira 
73 


Raffles 

and  a  half,  which  is  just  over  a  bob,  a  day, 
but  there  were  lashings  of  sound  wine  for 
one  and  all,  and  better  wine  to  bathe  in. 
And  for  eight  whole  months,  my  boy,  I  was 
an  absolutely  honest  man.  The  luxury  of 
it.  Bunny !  I  out-heroded  Herod,  wouldn't 
touch  a  grape,  and  went  in  the  most  delicious 
danger  of  being  knifed  for  my  principles  by 
the  thieving  crew  I  had  joined. 

"  It  was  the  kind  of  place  where  every 
prospect  pleases — and  all  the  rest  of  it — 
especially  all  the  rest.  But  may  I  see  it  in 
my  dreams  till  I  die — as  it  was  in  the  be- 
ginning— before  anything  began  to  happen. 
It  was  a  wedge  of  rock  sticking  out  into  the 
bay,  thatched  with  vines,  and  with  the  rum- 
miest  old  house  on  the  very  edge  of  all,  a 
devil  of  a  height  above  the  sea :  you  might 
have  sat  at  the  windows  and  dropped  your 
Sullivan-ends  plumb  into  blue  water  a  hun- 
dred and  fifty  feet  below. 

"  From  the  garden  behind  the  house — 
such  a  garden,  Bunny — oleanders  and  mi- 
mosa, myrtles,  rosemary,  and  red  tangles 
of  fiery  untamed  flowers — in  a  corner  of  this 
garden  was  the  top  of  a  subterranean  stair 
74 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

down  to  the  sea ;  at  least  there  were  nearly 
two  hundred  steps  tunnelled  through  the 
solid  rock;  then  an  iron  gate,  and  another 
eighty  steps  in  the  open  air;  and  last  of 
all  a  cave  fit  for  pirates  a-penny-plain-and- 
twopence-coloured.  This  cave  gave  upon 
the  sweetest  little  thing  in  coves,  all  deep 
blue  water  and  honest  rocks;  and  here  I 
looked  after  the  vineyard  shipping,  a  pot- 
bellied tub  with  a  brown  sail,  and  a  sort  of 
dingy.  The  tub  took  the  wine  to  Naples, 
and  the  dingy  was  the  tub's  tender. 

"  The  house  above  was  said  to  be  on  the 
identical  site  of  a  suburban  retreat  of  the 
admirable  Tiberius;  there  was  the  old  sin- 
ner's private  theatre  with  the  tiers  cut  clean 
to  this  day,  the  well  where  he  used  to  fatten 
his  lampreys  on  his  slaves,  and  a  ruined 
temple  of  those  ripping  old  Roman  bricks, 
shallow  as  dominos  and  ruddier  than  the 
cherry.  I  never  was  much  of  an  antiquary, 
but  I  could  have  become  one  there  if  I'd 
had  nothing  else  to  do ;  but  I  had  lots. 
When  I  wasn't  busy  with  the  boats  I  had 
to  trim  the  vines,  or  gather  the  grapes,  or 
even  help  make  the  wine  itself  in  a  cool, 
75  . 


Raffles 

dark,  musty  vault  underneath  the  temple, 
that  I  can  see  and  smell  as  I  jaw.  And 
can't  I  hear  it  and  feel  it  too !  Squish, 
squash,  bubble;  squash,  squish,  guggle; 
and  your  feet  as  though  you  had  been 
wading  through  slaughter  to  a  throne. 
Yes,  Bunny,  you  mightn't  think  it,  but  this 
good  right  foot,  that  never  was  on  the 
wrong  side  of  the  crease  when  the  ball  left 
my  hand,  has  also  been  known  to 

'  crush  the  lees  of  pleasure 
From  sanguine  grapes  of  pain.'" 

He  made  a  sudden  pause,  as  though  he 
had  stumbled  on  the  truth  in  jest.  His  face 
filled  with'  lines.  We  were  sitting  in  the 
room  that  had  been  bare  when  first  I  saw 
it;  there  were  basket-chairs  and  a  table  in 
it  now,  all  meant  ostensibly  for  me;  and 
hence  Raffles  would  slip  to  his  bed,  with 
schoolboy  relish,  at  every  tinkle  of  the  bell. 
This  afternoon  we  felt  fairly  safe,  for  Theo- 
bald had  called  in  the  morning,  and  Mrs. 
Theobald  still  took  up  much  of  his  time. 
Through  the  open  window  we  could  hear 
the  piano-organ  and  "  Mar — ga — ri  "  a  few 
76 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

hundred  yards  further  on.  I  fancied  Raf- 
fles was  listening  to  it  while  he  paused.  He 
shook  his  head  abstractedly  when  I  handed 
him  the  cigarettes;  and  his  tone  hereafter 
was  never  just  what  it  had  been. 

"  I  don't  know,  Bunny,  whether  you're  a 
believer  in  transmigration  of  souls.  I  have 
often  thought  it  easier  to  believe  than  lots 
of  other  things,  and  I  have  been  pretty  near 
believing  in  it  myself  since  I  had  my  being 
on  that  villa  of  Tiberius.  The  brute  who 
had  it  in  my  day,  if  he  isn't  still  running  it 
with  a  whole  skin,  was  or  is  as  cold-blooded 
a  blackguard  as  the  worst  pi  the  emperors, 
but  I  have  often  thought  he  had  a  lot  in 
common  with  Tiberius.  He  had  the  great 
high  sensual  Roman  nose,  eyes  that  were 
sinks  of  iniquity  in  themselves,  and  that 
swelled  with  fatness,  like  the  rest  of  him,  so 
that  he  wheezed  if  he  walked  a  yard ;  other- 
wise rather  a  fine  beast  to  look  at,  with  a 
huge  grey  moustache,  like  a  flying  gull,  and 
the  most  courteous  manners  even  to  his 
men ;  but  one  of  the  worst,  Bunny,  one  of 
the  worst  that  ever  was.  It  was  said  that 
the  vineyard  was  only  his  hobby ;  if  so,  he 
77 


Raffles 

did  his  best  to  make  his  hobby  pay.  He 
used  to  come  out  from  Naples  for  the  week- 
ends— in  the  tub  when  it  wasn't  too  rough 
for  his  nerves — and  he  didn't  always  come 
alone.  His  very  name  sounded  unhealthy 
— Corbucci.  I  suppose  I  ought  to  add  that 
he  was  a  Count,  though  Counts  are  two-a- 
penny  in  Naples,  and  in  season  all  the  year 
round. 

"  He  had  a  little  English,  and  liked  to 
air  it  upon  me,  much  to  my  disgust;  if  I 
could  not  hope  to  conceal  my  nationality  as 
yet,  I  at  least  did  not  want  to  have  it  adver- 
tised; and  the  swine  had  English  friends. 
When  he  heard  that  I  was  bathing  in  No- 
vember, when  the  bay  is  still  as  warm  as 
new  milk,  he  would  shake  his  wicked  old 
head  and  say,  '  You  are  very  audashuss — 
you  are  very  audashuss ! '  and  put  on  no 
end  of  side  before  his  Italians.  By  God, 
he  had  pitched  upon  the  right  word  un- 
awares, and  I  let  him  know  it  in  the  end! 

"  But  that  bathing.  Bunny ;  it  was  abso- 
lutely the  best  I  ever  had  anywhere.  I  said 
just  now  the  water  was  like  wine;  in  my 
own  mind  I  used  to  call  it  blue  champagne, 

78 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

and  was  rather  annoyed  that  I  had  no  one 
to  admire  the  phrase.  Otherwise  I  assure 
you  that  I  missed  my  own  particular  kind 
very  Httle  indeed,  though  I  often  wished 
that  you  were  there,  old  chap ;  particularly 
when  I  went  for  my  lonesome  swim;  first 
thing  in  the  morning,  when  the  Bay  was 
all  rose-leaves,  and  last  thing  at  night,  when 
your  body  caught  phosphorescent  fire !  Ah, 
yes,  it  was  a  good  enough  life  for  a  change ; 
a  perfect  paradise  to  lie  low  in;  another 
Eden  until    .     .     . 

"  My  poor  Eve !  " 

And  he  fetched  a  sigh  that  took  away  his 
words ;  then  his  jaws  snapped  together,  and 
his  eyes  spoke  terribly  while  he  conquered 
his  emotion.  I  pen  the  last  word  advisedly. 
I  fancy  it  is  one  which  I  have  never  used 
before  in  writing  of  A.  J.  Raffles,  for  I 
cannot  at  the  moment  recall  any  other  oc- 
casion upon  which  its  use  would  have  been 
justified.  On  resuming,  however,  he  was 
not  only  calm,  but  cold ;  and  this  flying  for 
safety  to  the  other  extreme  is  the  single 
instance  of  self-distrust  which  the  present 
Achates  can  record  to  the  credit  of  his  im- 
pious iEneas. 

79 


Raffles 

"  I  called  the  girl  Eve,"  said  he.  "  Her 
real  name  was  Faustina,  and  she  was  one 
of  a  vast  family  who  hung  out  in  a  hovel 
on  the  inland  border  of  the  vineyard.  And 
Aphrodite  rising  from  the  sea  was  less  won- 
derful and  not  more  beautiful  than  Aphro- 
dite emerging  from  that  hole! 

*'  It  was  the  most  exquisite  face  I  ever 
saw  or  shall  see  in  this  life.  Absolutely 
perfect  features;  a  skin  that  reminded  you 
of  old  gold,  so  delicate  was  its  bronze; 
magnificent  hair,  not  black  but  nearly ;  and 
such  eyes  and  teeth  as  would  have  made 
the  fortune  of  a  face  without  another  point. 
I  tell  you,  Bunny,  London  would  go  mad 
about  a  girl  like  that.  But  I  don't  believe 
there's  such  another  in  the  world.  And 
there  she  was  wasting  her  sweetness  upon 
that  lovely  but  desolate  little  corner  of  it! 
Well,  she  did  not  waste  it  upon  me.  I 
would  have  married  her,  and  lived  happily 
ever  after  in  such  a  hovel  as  her  people's 
— with  her.  Only  to  look  at  her — only  to 
look  at  her  for  the  rest  of  my  days — I  could 
have  lain  low  and  remained  dead  even  to 
you !  And  that's  all  I'm  going  to  tell  you 
80 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

about  that,  Bunny ;  cursed  be  he  who  tells 
more!  Yet  don't  you  run  away  with  the 
idea  that  this  poor  Faustina  was  the  only 
woman  I  ever  cared  about.  I  don't  believe 
in  all  that  *  only  '  rot ;  nevertheless  I  tell 
you  that  she  was  the  one  being  who  ever 
entirely  satisfied  my  sense  of  beauty ;  and  I 
honestly  believe  I  could  have  chucked  the 
world  and  been  true  to  Faustina  for  that 
alone. 

"  We  met  sometimes  in  the  little  temple 
I  told  you  about,  sometimes  among  the 
vines;  now  by  honest  accident,  now  by 
flagrant  design;  and  found  a  ready-made 
rendezvous,  romantic  as  one  could  wish,  in 
the  cave  down  all  those  subterranean  steps. 
Then  the  sea  would  call  us — my  blue  cham- 
pagne— my  sparkling  cobalt — and  there  was 
the  dingy  ready  to  our  hand.  Oh,  those 
nights!  I  never  knew  which  I  liked  best, 
the  moonlit  ones  when  you  sculled  through 
silver  and  could  see  for  miles,  or  the  dark 
nights  when  the  fishermen's  torches  stood 
for  the  sea,  and  a  red  zig-zag  in  the  sky  for 
old  Vesuvius.  We  were  happy.  I  don't 
mind  owning  it.  We  seemed  not  to  have  a 
8i 


Raffles 

care  between  us.  My  mates  took  no  inter- 
est in  my  affairs,  and  Faustina's  family  did 
not  appear  to  bother  about  her.  The  Count 
was  in  Naples  five  nights  of  the  seven ;  the 
other  two  we  sighed  apart. 

"  At  first  it  was  the  oldest  story  in  lit- 
erature— Eden  plus  Eve.  The  place  had 
been  a  heaven  on  earth  before,  but  now 
it  was  heaven  itself.  So  for  a  little;  then 
one  night,  a  Monday  night,  Faustina  burst 
out  crying  in  the  boat;  and  sobbed  her 
story  as  we  drifted  without  mishap  by  the 
mercy  of  the  Lord.  And  that  was  almost 
as  old  a  story  as  the  other. 

"  She  was  engaged — what !  Had  I  never 
heard  of  it  ?  Did  I  mean  to  upset  the  boat  ? 
What  was  her  engagement  beside  our  love  ? 
*  Niente,  niente,'  crooned  Faustina,  sighing 
yet  smiling  through  her  tears.  No,  but 
what  did  matter  was  that  the  man  had 
threatened  to  stab  her  to  the  heart — and 
would  do  it  as  soon  as  look  at  her — that  I 
knew. 

"  I  knew  it  merely  from  my  knowledge 
of  the  Neapolitans,  for  I  had  no  idea  who 
the  man  might  be.  I  knew  it,  and  yet  I 
82 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

took  this  detail  better  than  the  fact  of  the 
engagement,  though  now  I  began  to  laugh 
at  both.  As  if  I  was  going  to  let  her  marry 
anybody  else!  As  if  a  hair  of  her  lovely 
head  should  be  touched  while  I  lived  to  pro- 
tect her!  I  had  a  great  mind  to  row  away 
to  blazes  with  her  that  very  night,  and  never 
go  near  the  vineyard  again,  or  let  her  either. 
But  we  had  not  a  lira  between  us  at  the 
time,  and  only  the  rags  in  which  we  sat 
barefoot  in  the  boat.  Besides,  I  had  to 
know  the  name  of  the  animal  who  had 
threatened  a  woman,  and  such  a  woman  as 
this. 

"  For  a  long  time  she  refused  to  tell  me, 
with  splendid  obduracy;  but  I  was  as  de- 
termined as  she;  so  at  last  she  made  con- 
ditions. I  was  not  to  go  and  get  put  in 
prison  for  sticking  a  knife  into  him — he 
wasn't  worth  it — and  I  did  promise  not  to 
stab  him  in  the  back.  Faustina  seemed 
quite  satisfied,  though  a  little  puzzled  by 
my  manner,  having  herself  the  racial  tol- 
erance for  cold  steel ;  and  next  moment  she 
had  taken  away  my  breath.  *  It  is  Stefano/ 
she  whispered,  and  hung  her  head. 

83 


Raffles 

"  And  well  she  might,  poor  thing !  Ste- 
fano,  of  all  creatures  on  God's  earth — for 
her! 

"  Bunny,  he  was  a  miserable  little  under- 
sized wretch — ill-favoured — servile — surly 
— and  second  only  to  his  master  in  bestial 
cunning  and  hypocrisy.  His  face  was 
enough  for  me;  that  was  what  I  read  in 
it,  and  I  don't  often  make  mistakes.  He 
was  Corbucci's  own  confidential  body-ser- 
vant, and  that  alone  was  enough  to  damn 
him  in  decent  eyes:  always  came  out  first 
on  the  Saturday  with  the  spese,  to  have  all 
ready  for  his  master  and  current  mistress, 
and  stayed  behind  on  the  Monday  to  clear 
and  lock  up.  Stefano!  That  worm!  I 
could  well  understand  his  threatening  a 
woman  with  a  knife;  what  beat  me  was 
how  any  woman  could  ever  have  listened  to 
him ;  above  all,  that  Faustina  should  be  the 
one !  It  passed  my  comprehension.  But  I 
questioned  her  as  gently  as  I  could;  and 
her  explanation  was  largely  the  threadbare 
one  you  would  expect.  Her  parents  were 
so  poor.  They  were  so  many  in  family. 
Some  of  them  begged — would  I  promise 
34 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

never  to  tell?  Then  some  of  them  stole — 
sometimes — and  all  knew  the  pains  of  actual 
want.  She  looked  after  the  cows,  but  there 
were  only  two  of  them,  and  brought  the 
milk  to  the  vineyard  and  elsewhere;  but 
that  was  not  employment  for  more  than 
one ;  and  there  were  countless  sisters  wait- 
ing to  take  her  place.  Then  he  was  so  rich, 
Stefano. 

"'Rich?' I  echoed.    'Stefano?' 

"  '  Si,  Arturo  mio.' 

"  Yes,  I  played  the  game  on  that  vine- 
yard, Bunny,  even  to  going  by  my  own  first 
name. 

"'And  how  comes  he  to  be  rich?'  I 
asked,  suspiciously. 

"  She  did  not  know ;  but  he  had  given 
her  such  beautiful  jewels ;  the  family  had 
lived  on  them  for  months,  she  pretending 
an  avocat  had  taken  charge  of  them  for  her 
against  her  marriage.  But  I  cared  nothing 
about  all  that. 

"  '  Jewels !  Stefano ! '  I  could  only  mut- 
ter. 

" '  Perhaps  the  Count  has  paid  for  some 
of  them.    He  is  very  kind/ 
8s 


Raffles 

"'To  you,  is  he?' 

"  *  Oh,  yes,  very  kind/ 

"  '  And  you  would  live  in  his  house  after- 
wards ? ' 

"  '  Not  now,  mia  cara — not  now ! ' 

"  '  No,  by  God  you  don't ! '  said  I  in  Eng- 
lish.   *  But  you  would  have  done  so,  eh  ? ' 

"  '  Of  course.  That  was  arranged.  The 
Count  is  really  very  kind.' 

"  *  Do  you  see  anything  of  him  when  he 
comes  here  ? ' 

"  Yes,  he  had  sometimes  brought  her  lit- 
tle presents,  sweetmeats,  ribbons,  and  the 
like;  but  the  offering  had  always  been 
made  through  this  toad  of  a  Stefano. 
Knowing  the  men,  I  now  knew  all.  But 
Faustina,  she  had  the  pure  and  simple 
heart,  and  the  white  soul,  by  the  God  who 
made  it,  and  for  all  her  kindness  to  a  tat- 
tered scapegrace  who  made  love  to  her  in 
broken  Italian  between  the  ripples  and  the 
stars.  She  was  not  to  know  what  I  was, 
remember;  and  besides  Corbucci  and  his 
henchman  I  was  the  Archangel  Gabriel  come 
down  to  earth. 

"  Well,  as  I  lay  awake  that  night,  two 
36 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

more  lines  of  Swinburne  came  into  my  head, 
and  came  to  stay: 

"  God  said  *  Let  him  who  wins  her  take 
And  keep  Faustine. ' 

"  On  that  couplet  I  slept  at  last,  and  it 
was  my  text  and  watchword  when  I  awoke 
in  the  morning.  I  forget  how  well  you 
know  your  Swinburne,  Bunny;  but  don't 
you  run  away  with  the  idea  that  there  was 
anything  else  in  common  between  his  Faus- 
tine and  mine.  For  the  last  time  let  me 
tell  you  that  poor  Faustina  was  the  whitest 
and  the  best  I  ever  knew. 

**  Well,  I  was  strung  up  for  trouble  when 
the  next  Saturday  came,  and  I'll  tell  you 
what  I  had  done.  I  had  broken  the  pledge 
and  burgled  Corbucci's  villa  in  my  best 
manner  during  his  absence  in  Naples.  Not 
that  it  gave  me  the  slightest  trouble;  but 
no  human  being  could  have  told  that  I  had 
been  in,  when  I  came  out.  And  I  had  stolen 
nothing,  mark  you,  but  only  borrowed  a  re- 
volver from  a  drawer  in  the  Count's  desk, 
with  one  or  two  trifling  accessories ;  for  by 
S7 


Raffles 

this  time  I  had  the  measure  of  these  damned 
Neapolitans.  They  are  spry  enough  with  a 
knife,  but  you  show  them  the  business  end 
of  a  shooting-iron,  and  they'll  streak  like 
rabbits  for  the  nearest  hole.  But  the  re- 
volver wasn't  for  my  own  use.  It  was  for 
Faustina,  and  I  taught  her  how  to  use  it 
in  the  cave  down  there  by  the  sea,  shooting 
at  candles  stuck  upon  the  rock.  The  noise 
in  the  cave  was  something  frightful,  but 
high  up  above  it  couldn't  be  heard  at  all, 
as  we  proved  to  each  other's  satisfaction 
pretty  early  in  the  proceedings.  So  now 
Faustina  was  armed  with  munitions  of  self- 
defence;  and  I  knew  enough  of  her  char- 
acter to  entertain  no  doubt  as  to  their  spir- 
ited use  upon  occasion.  Between  the  two 
of  us,  in  fact,  our  friend  Stefano  seemed 
tolerably  certain  of  a  warm  week-end. 

'*  But  the  Saturday  brought  word  that  the 
Count  was  not  coming  this  week,  being  in 
Rome  on  business,  and  unable  to  return  in 
time;  so  for  a  whole  Sunday  we  were 
promised  peace;  and  made  bold  plans  ac- 
cordingly. There  was  no  further  merit  in 
hushing  this  thing  up.  '  Let  him  who  wins 
88 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

her  take  and  keep  Faustine.'  Yes,  but  let 
him  win  her  openly,  or  lose  her  and  be 
damned  to  him!  So  on  the  Sunday  I  was 
going  to  have  it  out  with  her  people — with 
the  Count  and  Stefano  as  soon  as  they 
showed  their  noses.  I  had  no  inducement, 
remember,  ever  to  return  to  surreptitious 
life  within  a  cab-fare  of  Wormwood 
Scrubbs.  Faustina  and  the  Bay  of  Naples 
were  quite  good  enough  for  me.  And  the 
prehistoric  man  in  me  rather  exulted  in  the 
idea  of  fighting  for  my  desire. 

"  On  the  Saturday,  however,  we  were  to 
meet  for  the  last  time  as  heretofore — just 
once  more  in  secret — down  there  in  the  cave 
— as  soon  as  might  be  after  dark.  Neither 
of  us  minded  if  we  were  kept  for  hours; 
each  knew  that  in  the  end  the  other  would 
come;  and  there  was  a  charm  of  its  own 
even  in  waiting  with  such  knowledge.  But 
that  night  I  did  lose  patience:  not  in  the 
cave  but  up  above,  where  first  on  one  pre- 
text and  then  on  another  the  direttore  kept 
me  going  until  I  smelt  a  rat.  He  was  not 
given  to  exacting  overtime,  this  direttore, 
whose  only  fault  was  his  servile  subjection 
89 


Raffles 

to  our  common  boss.  It  seemed  pretty  ob- 
vious, therefore,  that  he  was  acting  upon 
some  secret  instructions  from  Corbucci  him- 
self, and,  the  moment  I  suspected  this,  I 
asked  him  to  his  face  if  it  was  not  the  case. 
And  it  was;  he  admitted  it  with  many 
shrugs,  being  a  conveniently  weak  person, 
whom  one  felt  almost  ashamed  of  bullying 
as  the  occasion  demanded. 

"  The  fact  was,  however,  that  the  Count 
had  sent  for  him  on  finding  he  had  to  go  to 
Rome,  and  had  said  he  was  very  sorry  to 
go  just  then,  as  among  other  things  he  in- 
tended to  speak  to  me  about  Faustina.  Ste- 
fano  had  told  him  all  about  his  row  with 
her,  and  moreover  that  it  was  on  my  ac- 
count, which  Faustina  had  never  told  me, 
though  I  had  guessed  as  much  for  myself. 
Well,  the  Count  was  going  to  take  his 
jackal's  part  for  all  he  was  worth,  which 
was  just  exactly  what  I  expected  him  to 
do.  He  intended  going  for  me  on  his  re- 
turn, but  meanwhile  I  was  not  to  make  hay 
in  his  absence,  and  so  this  tool  of  a  direttore 
had  orders  to  keep  me  at  it  night  and  day. 
I  undertook  not  to  give  the  poor  beast  away, 
90 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

but  at  the  same  time  told  him  I  had  not 
the  faintest  intention  of  doing  another 
stroke  of  work  that  night. 

"  It  was  very  dark,  and  I  remember 
knocking  my  head  against  the  oranges  as 
I  ran  up  the  long,  shallow  steps  which 
ended  the  journey  between  the  direttore's 
lodge  and  the  villa  itself.  But  at  the  back 
of  the  villa  was  the  garden  I  spoke  about, 
and  also  a  bare  chunk  of  the  cliff  where  it 
was  bored  by  that  subterranean  stair.  So 
I  saw  the  stars  close  overhead,  and  the 
fishermen's  torches  far  below,  the  coastwise 
lights  and  the  crimson  hieroglyph  that  spelt 
Vesuvius,  before  I  plunged  into  the  dark- 
ness of  the  shaft.  And  that  was  the  last 
time  I  appreciated  the  unique  and  peaceful 
charm  of  this  outlandish  spot. 

"  The  stair  was  in  two  long  flights,  with 
an  air-hole  or  two  at  the  top  of  the  upper 
one,  but  not  another  pin-prick  till  you  came 
to  the  iron  gate  at  the  bottom  of  the  lower. 
As  you  may  read  of  an  infinitely  lighter 
place,  in  a  finer  work  of  fiction  than  you 
are  ever  likely  to  write.  Bunny,  it  was 
'  gloomy  at  noon,  dark  as  midnight  at  dusk, 
91 


Raffles 

and  black  as  the  ninth  plague  of  Egypt  at 
midnight.'  I  won't  swear  to  my  quotation, 
but  I  will  to  those  stairs.  They  were  as 
black  that  night  as  the  inside  of  the  safest 
safe  in  the  strongest  strong-room  in  the 
Chancery  Lane  Deposit.  Yet  I  had  not  got 
far  down  them  with  my  bare  feet  before  I 
heard  somebody  else  coming  up  in  boots. 
You  may  imagine  what  a  turn  that  gave 
me !  It  could  not  be  Faustina,  who  went 
barefoot  three  seasons  of  the  four,  and  yet 
there  was  Faustina  waiting  for  me  down 
below.  What  a  fright  she  must  have  had ! 
And  all  at  once  my  own  blood  ran  cold: 
for  the  man  sang  like  a  kettle  as  he  plodded 
up  and  up.  It  was,  it  must  be,  the  short- 
winded  Count  himself,  whom  we  all  sup- 
posed to  be  in  Rome ! 

'*  Higher  he  came  and  nearer,  nearer, 
slowly  yet  hurriedly,  now  stopping  to  cough 
and  gasp,  now  taking  a  few  steps  by  ele- 
phantine assault.  I  should  have  enjoyed 
the  situation  if  it  had  not  been  for  poor 
Faustina  in  the  cave ;  as  it  was  I  was  filled 
with  nameless  fears.  But  I  could  not  resist 
giving  that  grampus  Corbucci  one  bad  rno- 
92 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

ment  on  account.  A  crazy  hand-rail  ran  up 
one  wall,  so  I  carefully  flattened  myself 
against  the  other,  and  he  passed  within 
six  inches  of  me,  puffing  and  wheezing  like 
a  brass  band.  I  let  him  go  a  few  steps 
higher,  and  then  I  let  him  have  it  with  both 
lungs. 

** '  Buona  sera,  eccellenza  signori ! '  I 
roared  after  him.  And  a  scream  came  down 
in  answer — such  a  scream !  A  dozen  dif- 
ferent terrors  were  in  it ;  and  the  wheezing 
had  stopped,  with  the  old  scoundrel's  heart. 

**  *  Chi  sta  la  ? '  he  squeaked  at  last,  gib- 
bering and  whimpering  like  a  whipped  mon- 
key, so  that  I  could  not  bear  to  miss  his 
face,  and  got  a  match  all  ready  to  strike. 

"  *  Arturo,  signori.' 

"  He  didn't  repeat  my  name,  nor  did  he 
damn  me  in  heaps.  He  did  nothing  but 
wheeze  for  a  good  minute,  and  when  he 
^poke  it  was  with  insinuating  civility,  in  his 
best  English. 

"  '  Come  nearer,  Arturo.  You  are  in  the 
lower  regions  down  there.  I  want  to  speak 
with  you.' 

"  '  No,  thanks.  I'm  in  a  hurry,'  I  said, 
93 


Raffles 

and  dropped  that  match  back  into  my  pocket. 
He  might  be  armed,  and  I  was  not. 

"  *  So  you  are  in  a  'urry ! '  and  he  wheezed 
amusement.  '  And  you  thought  I  was  still 
in  Rome,  no  doubt;  and  so  I  was  until 
this  afternoon,  when  I  caught  train  at  the 
eleventh  moment,  and  then  another  train 
from  Naples  to  Pozzuoli.  I  have  been 
rowed  here  now  by  a  fisherman  of  Pozzuoli. 
I  had  not  time  to  stop  anywhere  in  Naples, 
but  only  to  drive  from  station  to  station. 
So  I  am  without  Stefano,  Arturo,  I  am 
without  Stefano.' 

*'  His  sly  voice  sounded  preternaturally 
sly  in  the  absolute  darkness,  but  even 
through  that  impenetrable  veil  I  knew  it  for 
a  sham.  I  had  laid  hold  of  the  hand-rail. 
It  shook  violently  in  my  hand ;  he  also  was 
holding  it  where  he  stood.  And  these  sup- 
pressed tremors,  or  rather  their  detection 
in  this  way,  struck  a  strange  chill  to  my 
heart,  just  as  I  was  beginning  to  pluck 
it  up. 

"  *  It  is  lucky  for  Stefano/  said  I,  grim 
as  death. 

"  *  Ah,  but  you  must  not  be  too  'ard  on 
94 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

'im/  remonstrated  the  Count.  *  You  have 
stole  his  girl,  he  speak  with  me  about  it, 
and  I  wish  to  speak  with  you.  It  is  very 
audashuss,  Arturo,  very  audashuss!  Per- 
haps you  are  even  going  to  meet  her  now, 
eh?' 

"  I  told  him  straight  that  I  was. 

"  '  Then  there  is  no  'urry,  for  she  is  not 
there.' 

"  *  You  didn't  see  her  in  the  cave  ? '  I 
cried,  too  delighted  at  the  thought  to  keep 
it  to  myself. 

"  *  I  had  no  such  fortune,'  the  old  devil 
said. 

"  *  She  is  there,  all  the  same.' 

"  *  I  only  wish  I  'ad  known.' 

"  '  And  I've  kept  her  long  enough ! ' 

"  In  fact  I  threw  this  over  my  shoulder 
as  I  turned  and  went  running  down. 

"  *  I  'ope  you  will  find  her ! '  his  maUcious 
voice  came  croaking  after  me.    '  I  'ope  you 

HI — I  'ope  so.* 

"  And  find  her  I  did." 

Raffles  had  been  on  his  feet  some  time, 
unable  to  sit  still  or  to  stand,  moving  ex- 
citedly about  the  room.  But  now  he  stood 
95 


Raffles 

still  enough,  his  elbows  on  the  cast-iron 
mantelpiece,  his  head  between  his  hands. 

"  Dead  ?  "  I  whispered. 

And  he  nodded  to  the  wall. 

''  There  was  not  a  sound  in  the  cave. 
There  was  no  answer  to  my  voice.  Then 
I  went  in,  and  my  foot  touched  hers,  and 
it  was  colder  than  the  rock  .  .  .  Bunny, 
they  had  stabbed  her  to  the  heart.  She 
had  fought  them,  and  they  had  stabbed  her 
to  the  heart !  " 

"  You  say  *  they,'  "  I  said  gently,  as  he 
stood  in  heavy  silence,  his  back  still  turned. 
"  I  thought  Stefano  had  been  left  behind  ?  " 

Raffles  was  round  in  a  flash,  his  face 
white-hot,  his  eyes  dancing  death. 

"  He  was  in  the  cave !  "  he  shouted.  "  I 
saw  him — I  spotted  him — it  was  broad  twi- 
light after  those  stairs — and  I  went  for  him 
with  my  bare  hands.  Not  fists,  Bunny; 
not  fists  for  a  thing  like  that ;  I  meant  get- 
ting my  fingers  into  his  vile  little  heart  and 
tearing  it  out  by  the  roots.  I  was  stark 
mad.  But  he  had  the  revolver — hers.  He 
blazed  it  at  arm's  length,  and  missed.  And 
that  steadied  me.    I  had  smashed  his  funny- 

96 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

bone  against  the  rock  before  he  could  blaze 
again;  the  revolver  fell  with  a  rattle,  but 
without  going  off;  in  an  instant  I  had  it 
tight,  and  the  little  swine  at  my  mercy  at 
last." 

"  You  didn't  show  him  any  ?  " 

"  Mercy  ?  With  Faustina  dead  at  my 
feet?  I  should  have  deserved  none  in  the 
next  world  if  I  had  shown  him  any  in  this ! 
No,  I  just  stood  over  him,  with  the  revolver 
in  both  hands,  feeling  the  chambers  with 
my  thumb;  and  as  I  stood  he  stabbed  at 
me;  but  I  stepped  back  to  that  one,  and 
brought  him  down  with  a  bullet  in  his  guts. 

" '  And  I  can  spare  you  two  or  three 
more,'  I  said,  for  my  poor  girl  could  not 
have  fired  a  shot.  *  Take  that  one  to  hell 
with  you — and  that — and  that ! ' 

"  Then  I  started  coughing  and  wheezing 
like  the  Count  himself,  for  the  place  was 
full  of  smoke.  When  it  cleared  my  man 
was  very  dead,  and  I  tipped  him  into  the 
sea,  to  defile  that  rather  than  Faustina's 
cave.  And  then — and  then — we  were  alone 
for  the  last  time,  she  and  I,  in  our  own  pet 
haunt;  and  I  could  scarcely  see  her,  yet  I 
97 


Raffles 

would  not  strike  a  match,  for  I  knew  she 
would  not  have  me  see  her  as  she  was.  I 
could  say  good-bye  to  her  without  that.  I 
said  it;  and  I  left  her  like  a  man,  and  up 
the  first  open-air  steps  with  my  head  in  the 
air  and  the  stars  all  sharp  in  the  sky ;  then 
suddenly  they  swam,  and  back  I  went  like 
a  lunatic,  to  see  if  she  was  really  dead,  to 
bring  her  back  to  life  .  .  .  Bunny,  I 
can't  tell  you  any  more." 

"  Not  of  the  Count  ?  "  I  murmured  at  last. 

"  Not  even  of  the  Count,"  said  Raffles, 
turning  round  with  a  sigh.  "  I  left  him 
pretty  sorry  for  himself ;  but  what  was  the 
good  of  that?  I  had  taken  blood  for  blood, 
and  it  was  not  Corbucci  who  had  killed 
Faustina.  No,  the  plan  was  his,  but  that 
was  not  part  of  the  plan.  They  had  found 
out  about  our  meetings  in  the  cave:  noth- 
ing simpler  than  to  have  me  kept  hard  at  it 
overhead  and  to  carry  off  Faustina  by  brute 
force  in  the  boat.  It  was  their  only  chance, 
for  she  had  said  more  to  Stefano  than  she 
had  admitted  to  me,  and  more  than  I  am 
going  to  repeat  about  myself.  No  persua- 
sion would  have  induced  her  to  listen  to 

98 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

him  again;  so  they  tried  force;  and  she 
drew  Corbucci's  revolver  on  them,  but  the) 
had  taken  her  by  surprise,  and  Stefanc 
stabbed  her  before  she  could  fire." 

"But  how  do  you  know  all  that?"  I 
asked  Raffles,  for  his  tale  was  going  to 
pieces  in  the  telling,  and  the  tragic  end  of 
poor  Faustina  was  no  ending  for  me. 

"  Oh,"  said  he,  "  I  had  it  from  Corbucci 
at  his  own  revolver's  point.  He  was  wait- 
ing at  his  window,  and  I  could  have  potted 
him  at  my  ease  where  he  stood  against  the 
light  listening  hard  enough  but  not  seeing 
a  thing.  So  he  asked  whether  it  was  Ste- 
fano,  and  I  whispered,  '  Si,  signore ' ;  and 
then  whether  he  had  finished  Arturo,  and  I 
brought  the  same  shot  off  again.  He  had 
let  me  in  before  he  knew  who  was  finished 
and  who  was  not." 

"And  did  you  finish  him?" 

"  No ;  that  was  too  good  for  Corbucci. 
But  I  bound  and  gagged  him  about  as  tight 
as  man  was  ever  gagged  or  bound,  and  I 
left  him  in  his  room  with  the  shutters  shut 
and  the  house  locked  up.  The  shutters  of 
that  old  place  were  six  inches  thick,  and 
99 


Raffles 

the  walls  nearly  six  feet;  that  was  on  the 
Saturday  night,  and  the  Count  wasn't  ex- 
pected at  the  vineyard  before  the  following 
Saturday.  Meanwhile  he  was  supposed  to 
be  in  Rome.  But  the  dead  would  doubtless 
be  discovered  next  day,  and  I  am  afraid  this 
would  lead  to  his  own  discovery  with  the 
life  still  in  him.  I  believe  he  figured  on 
that  himself,  for  he  sat  threatening  me 
gamely  till  the  last.  You  never  saw  such 
a  sight  as  he  was,  with  his  head  split  in  two 
by  a  ruler  tied  at  the  back  of  it,  and  his 
great  moustache  pushed  up  into  his  bulging 
eyes.  But  I  locked  him  up  in  the  dark 
without  a  qualm,  and  I  wished  and  still 
wish  him  every  torment  of  the  damned." 

"And  then?" 

"  The  night  was  still  young,  and  within 
ten  miles  there  was  the  best  of  ports  in  a 
storm,  and  hundreds  of  holds  for  the  hum- 
ble stowaway  to  choose  from.  But  I  didn't 
want  to  go  further  than  Genoa,  for  by  this 
time  my  Italian  would  wash,  so  I  chose  the 
old  Norddeutscher  Lloyd,  and  had  an  ex- 
cellent voyage  in  one  of  the  boats  slung  in- 
board over  the  bridge.  That's  better  than 
loo 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

any  hold,  Bunny,  and  I  did  splendidly  on 
oranges  brought  from  the  vineyard." 

"And  at  Genoa?" 

"  At  Genoa  I  took  to  my  wits  once  more, 
and  have  been  living  on  nothing  else  ever 
since.  But  there  I  had  to  begin  all  over 
again,  and  at  the  very  bottom  of  the  ladder. 
I  slept  in  the  streets.  I  begged.  I  did  all 
manner  of  terrible  things,  rather  hoping  for 
a  bad  end,  but  never  coming  to  one.  Then 
one  day  I  saw  a  white-headed  old  chap 
looking  at  me  through  a  shop-window — a 
window  I  had  designs  upon — and  when  I 
stared  at  him  he  stared  at  me — and  we  wore 
the  s?me  rags.  So  I  had  come  to  that! 
But  one  reflection  makes  many.  I  had  not 
recognised  myself;  who  on  earth  would 
recognise  me?  London  called  me — and 
here  I  am.  Italy  had  broken  my  heart — 
and  there  it  stays." 

Flippant  as  a  schoolboy  one  moment, 
playful  even  in  the  bitterness  of  the  next, 
and  now  no  longer  giving  way  to  the  feel- 
ing which  had  spoilt  the  climax  of  his  tale, 
Raffles  needed  knowing  as  I  alone  knew 
him  for  a  right  appreciation  of  those  last 

lOI 


Raffles 

words.  That  they  were  no  mere  words  I 
know  full  well.  That,  but  for  the  tragedy 
of  his  Italian  life,  that  life  would  have  suf- 
ficed him  for  years,  if  not  for  ever,  I  did 
and  do  still  believe.  But  I  alone  see  him 
as  I  saw  him  then,  the  lines  upon  his  face, 
and  the  pain  behind  the  lines;  how  they 
came  to  disappear,  and  what  removed  them, 
you  will  never  guess.  It  was  the  one  thing 
you  would  have  expected  to  have  the  op- 
posite efifect,  the  thing  indeed  that  had 
forced  his  confidence,  the  organ  and  the 
voice  once  more  beneath  our  very  windows : 

"  Margarita  de  Parete, 

era  a'  sarta  d'  e'  signore  ; 
se  pugneva  sempe  e  ddete 
pe  penzare  a  Salvatore ! 

"  Mar — ga — v\, 

e  perzo  e  Salvatore  I 
Mar — ga — t\, 

Ma  r  ommo  h  cacciatore  I 
Mar — ga — rl, 

Nun  ce  aje  corpa  tu  ! 
Chello  ch'  ^  fatto,  h  fatto,  un  ne  parlammo  cchiei !  ** 

I  simply  stared  at  Raffles.      Instead  of 
deepening,    his    lines    had    vanished.     He 

I02 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

looked  years  younger,  mischievous  and 
merry  and  alert  as  I  remembered  him  of 
old  in  the  breathless  crisis  of  some  madcap 
escapade.  He  was  holding  up  his  finger; 
he  was  stealing  to  the  window;  he  was 
peeping  through  the  blind  as  though  our 
side  street  were  Scotland  Yard  itself;  he 
was  stealing  back  again,  all  revelry,  excite- 
ment, and  suspense. 

"  I  half  thought  they  were  after  me  be- 
fore," said  he.  *'  That  was  why  I  made 
you  look.  I  daren*t  take  a  proper  look 
myself,  but  what  a  jest  if  they  were! 
What  a  jest !  " 

"  Do  you  mean  the  police  ?  "  said  I. 

"  The  police !  Bunny,  do  you  know  them 
and  me  so  little  that  you  can  look  me  in 
the  face  and  ask  such  a  question  ?  My  boy, 
I'm  dead  to  them — ofiF  their  books — a  good 
deal  deader  than  being  off  the  hooks !  Why, 
if  I  went  to  Scotland  Yard  this  minute,  to 
give  myself  up,  they'd  chuck  me  out  for 
a  harmless  lunatic.  No,  I  fear  an  enemy 
nowadays,  and  I  go  in  terror  of  the  some- 
time friend,  but  I  have  the  utmost  confidence 
in  the  dear  police." 

»o3 


Raffles 

"  Then  whom  do  you  mean  ?  " 

"  The  Camorra !  " 

I  repeated  the  word  with  a  different  in- 
tonation. Not  that  I  had  never  heard  of 
that  most  powerful  and  sinister  of  secret 
societies;  but  I  failed  to  see  on  what 
grounds  Raffles  should  jump  to  the  con- 
clusion that  these  every-day  organ-grinders 
belonged  to  it. 

"  It  was  one  of  Corbucci's  threats,"  said 
he.  "  If  I  killed  him  the  Camorra  would 
certainly  kill  me ;  he  kept  on  telling  me  so ; 
it  was  like  his  cunning  not  to  say  that  he 
would  put  them  on  my  tracks  whether  or 
no." 

"  He  is  probably  a  member  himself ! " 

"  Obviously,  from  what  he  said." 

"  But  why  on  earth  should  you  think  that 
these  fellows  are  ? "  I  demanded,  as  that 
brazen  voice  came  rasping  through  a  sec- 
ond verse. 

"  I  don't  think.  It  was  only  an  idea. 
That  thing  is  so  thoroughly  Neapolitan, 
and  I  never  heard  it  on  a  London  organ 
before.  Then  again,  what  should  bring 
them  back  here  ? " 

104 


The  Fate  of  Faustina 

I  peeped  through  the  bHnd  in  my  turn; 
and,  to  be  sure,  there  was  the  fellow  with 
the  blue  chin  and  the  white  teeth  watching 
our  windows,  and  ours  only,  as  he  bawled. 
"  And  why  ?  "  cried  Raffles,  his  eyes  danc- 
ing when  I  told  him.  ''  Why  should  they 
come  sneaking  back  to  usf  Doesn't  that 
look  suspicious,  Bunny ;  doesn't  that  prom- 
ise a  lark  ?  " 

"  Not  to  me,"  I  said,  having  the  smile 
for  once.  '*  How  many  people,  should  you 
imagine,  toss  them  five  shillings  for  as  many 
minutes  of  their  infernal  row?  You  seem 
to  forget  that  that's  what  you  did  an  hour 
ago!" 

Raffles  had  forgotten.  His  blank  face 
confessed  the  fact.  Then  suddenly  he  burst 
out  laughing  at  himself. 

"  Bunny,"  said  he,  "  you've  no  imagina- 
tion, and  I  never  knew  I  had  so  much !  Of 
course  you're  right.  I  only  wish  you  were 
not,  for  there's  nothing  I  should  enjoy  more 
than  taking  on  another  Neapolitan  or  two. 
You  see,  I  owe  them  something  still!  I 
didn't  settle  in  full.  I  owe  them  more  than 
ever  I  shall  pay  them  on  this  side  Styx ! '' 
105 


Raffles 

He  had  hardened  even  as  he  spoke:  the 
lines  and  the  years  had  come  again,  and 
his  eyes  were  flint  and  steel,  with  an  honest 
grief  behind  the  glitter. 


xo6 


THE  LAST  LAUGH 

AS  I  have  had  occasion  to  remark  else- 
where, the  pick  of  our  exploits,  from 
a  frankly  criminal  point  of  view,  are  of 
least  use  for  the  comparatively  pure  pur- 
poses of  these  papers.  They  might  be  ap- 
preciated in  a  trade  journal  (if  only  that 
want  could  be  supplied),  by  skilled  manipu- 
lators of  the  jemmy  and  the  large  light 
bunch ;  but,  as  records  of  unbroken  yet  in- 
significant success,  they  would  be  found  at 
once  too  trivial  and  too  technical,  if  not 
sordid  and  unprofitable  into  the  bargain. 
The  latter  epithets,  and  worse,  have  indeed 
already  been  applied,  if  not  to  Raffles  and 
all  his  works,  at  least  to  mine  upon  Raffles, 
by  more  than  one  worthy  wielder  of  a  virtu- 
ous pen.  I  need  not  say  how  heartily  I 
disagree  with  that  truly  pious  opinion.  So 
far  from  admitting  a  single  word  of  it,  I 
maintain  it  is  the  liveliest  warning  that  I 
?07 


Raffles 

am  giving  to  the  world.  Raffles  was  a 
genius,  and  he  could  not  make  it  pay !  Raf- 
fles had  invention,  resource,  incomparable 
audacity,  and  a  nerve  in  ten  thousand.  He 
was  both  strategian  and  tactician,  and  we 
all  now  know  the  difference  between  the 
two.  Yet  for  months  he  had  been  hiding 
like  a  rat  in  a  hole,  unable  to  show  even  his 
altered  face  by  night  or  day  without  risk, 
unless  another  risk  were  courted  by  three 
inches  of  conspicuous  crape.  Then  thus  far 
our  rewards  had  oftener  than  not  been  no 
reward  at  all.  Altogether  it  was  a  very  dif- 
ferent story  from  the  old  festive,  unsus- 
pected, club  and  cricket  days,  with  their 
nodes  amhrosian<B  at  the  Albany. 

And  now,  in  addition  to  the  eternal  peril 
of  recognition,  there  was  yet  another  men- 
ace of  which  I  knew  nothing.  I  thought 
no  more  of  our  Neapolitan  organ-grinders, 
though  I  did  often  think  of  the  moving  page 
that  they  had  torn  for  me  out  of  my  friend's 
strange  life  in  Italy.  Raffles  never  alluded 
to  the  subject  again,  and  for  my  part  I  had 
entirely  forgotten  his  wild  ideas  connecting 
the  organ-grinders  with  the  Camorra,  and 
io8 


The  Last  Laugh 

imagining  them  upon  his  own  tracks.  I 
heard  no  more  of  it,  and  thought  as  Httle, 
as  I  say.  Then  one  night  in  the  autumn— 
I  shrink  from  shocking  the  susceptible  for 
nothing — but  there  was  a  certain  house  in 
Palace  Gardens,  and  when  we  got  there 
Raffles  would  pass  on.  I  could  see  no  soul 
in  sight,  no  glimmer  in  the  windows.  But 
Raffles  had  my  arm,  and  on  we  went  with- 
out talking  about  it.  Sharp  to  the  left  on 
the  Notting  Hill  side,  sharper  still  up  Silver 
Street,  a  little  tacking  west  and  south,  a 
plunge  across  High  Street,  and  presently 
we  were  home. 

"  Pyjamas  first,"  said  Raffles,  with  as 
much  authority  as  though  it  mattered.  It 
was  a  warm  night,  however,  though  Sep- 
tember, and  I  did  not  mind  until  I  came  in 
clad  as  he  commanded  to  find  the  autocrat 
himself  still  booted  and  capped.  He  was 
peeping  through  the  blind,  and  the  gas  was 
still  turned  down.  But  he  said  that  I  could 
turn  it  up,  as  he  helped  himself  to  a  ciga- 
rette and  nothing  with  it. 

"  May  I  mix  you  one  ?  "  said  I. 

"  No,  thanks." 

109 


Raffles 

"What's  the  trouble?" 

"  We  were  followed." 

"Never!" 

"  You  never  saw  it." 

"  But  you  never  looked  round." 

"  I  have  an  eye  at  the  back  of  each  ear, 
Bunny." 

I  helped  myself  and  I  fear  with  less  mod- 
eration than  might  have  been  the  case  a 
minute  before. 

"  So  that  was  why " 

"  That  was  why,"  said  Raffles,  nodding ; 
but  he  did  not  smile,  and  I  put  down  my 
glass  untouched. 

**  They  were  following  us  then !  " 

"  All  up  Palace  Gardens." 

"  I  thought  you  wound  about  coming 
back  over  the  hill." 

"  Nevertheless,  one  of  them's  in  the  street 
below  at  this  moment." 

No,  he  was  not  fooling  me.  He  was 
very  grim.  And  he  had  not  taken  off  a 
thing;  perhaps  he  did  not  think  it  worth 
while. 

"  Plain  clothes  ?  "  I  sighed,  following  the 
sartorial  train  of  thought,  even  to  the  loath- 
xio 


The  Last  Laugh 

ly  arrows  that  had  decorated  my  person 
once  already  for  a  little  seon.  Next  time 
they  would  give  me  double.  The  skilly  was 
in  my  stomach  when  I  saw  Raffles's  face. 

"  Who  said  it  was  the  police,  Bunny  ?  " 
said  he.  "  It's  the  Italians.  They're  only 
after  me;  they  won't  hurt  a  hair  of  your 
head,  let  alone  cropping  it !  Have  a  drink, 
and  don't  mind  me.  I  shall  score  them  off 
before  I'm  done." 

"And  I'll  help  you!" 

"  No,  old  chap,  you  won't.  This  is  my 
own  little  show.  I've  known  about  it  for 
weeks.  I  first  tumbled  to  it  the  day  those 
Neapolitans  came  back  with  their  organs, 
though  I  didn't  seriously  suspect  things 
then ;  they  never  came  again,  those  two, 
they  had  done  their  part.  That's  the  Ca- 
morra  all  over,  from  all  accounts.  The 
Count  I  told  you  about  is  pretty  high  up  in 
it,  by  tlie  way  he  spoke,  but  there  will  be 
grades  and  grades  between  him  and  the 
organ-grinders.  I  shouldn't  be  surprised  if 
he  had  every  low-down  Neapolitan  ice- 
creamer  in  the  town  upon  my  tracks !  The 
organisation's  incredible.    Then  do  you  re- 

ZII 


Raffles 

member  the  superior  foreigner  who  came  to 
the  door  a  few  days  afterwards?  You  said 
he  had  velvet  eyes." 

"  I  never  connected  him  with  those  two !  " 

"  Of  course  you  didn't,  Bunny,  so  you 
threatened  to  kick  the  fellow  downstairs, 
and  only  made  them  keener  on  the  scent. 
It  was  too  late  to  say  anything  when  you 
told  me.  But  the  very  next  time  I  showed 
my  nose  outside  I  heard  a  camera  click  as 
I  passed,  and  the  fiend  was  a  person  with 
velvet  eyes.  Then  there  was  a  lull — that 
happened  weeks  ago.  They  had  sent  me  to 
Italy  for  identification  by  Count  Corbucci." 

**  But  this  is  all  theory,"  I  exclaimed. 
**  How  on  earth  can  you  know  ?  " 

"I  don't  know,"  said  Raffles,  "but  I 
should  like  to  bet.  Our  friend  the  blood- 
hound is  hanging  about  the  corner  near  the 
pillar-box;  look  through  my  window,  it's 
dark  in  there,  and  tell  me  who  he  is." 

The  man  was  too  far  away  for  me  to 
swear  to  his  face,  but  he  wore  a  covert-coat 
of  un-English  length,  and  the  lamp  across 
the  road  played  steadily  on  his  boots ;  they 
were  very  yellow,  and  they  made  no  noise 

112 


The  Last  Laugh 

when  he  took  a  turn.  I  strained  my  eyes, 
and  all  at  once  I  remembered  the  thin-soled, 
low-heeled,  splay  yellow  boots  of  the  in- 
sidious foreigner,  with  the  soft  eyes  and 
the  brown-paper  face,  whom  I  had  turned 
from  the  door  as  a  palpable  fraud.  The 
ring  at  the  bell  was  the  first  I  had  heard  of 
him,  there  had  been  no  warning  step  upon 
the  stairs,  and  my  suspicious  eye  had 
searched  his  feet  for  rubber  soles. 

"  It's  the  fellow,"  I  said,  returning  to 
Raffles,  and  I  described  his  boots. 

Raffles  was  delighted. 

"  Well  done.  Bunny ;  you're  coming  on," 
said  he.  "  Now  I  wonder  if  he's  been  over 
here  all  the  time,  or  if  they  sent  him  over 
expressly?  You  did  better  than  you  think 
in  spotting  those  boots,  for  they  can  only 
have  been  made  in  Italy,  and  that  looks  like 
the  special  envoy.  But  it's  no  use  specu- 
lating.    I  must  find  out.'* 

*'  How  can  you  ?  " 

"  He  won't  stay  there  all  night." 

'^Well?" 

"  When  he  gets  tired  of  it  I  shall  return 
the  compliment  and  follow  kimJ'' 
"3 


Raffles 

"  Not  alone,"  said  I,  firmly. 

"  Well,  we'll  see.  We'll  see  at  once," 
said  Raffles,  rising.  "  Out  with  the  gas, 
Bunny,  while  I  take  a  look.  Thank  you. 
Now  wait  a  bit  .  .  .  yes !  He's  chucked 
it ;   he's  off  already ;  and  so  am  I !  " 

But  I  slipped  to  our  outer  door,  and  held 
the  passage. 

**  I  don't  let  you  go  alone,  you  know." 

"  You  can't  come  with  me  in  pyjamas." 

"  Now  I  see  why  you  made  me  put  them 
on!" 

"  Bunny,  if  you  don't  shift  I  shall  have 
to  shift  you.  This  is  my  very  own  private 
one-man  show.  But  I'll  be  back  in  an  hour 
—there !  " 

"You  swear?" 

"  By  all  my  gods." 

I  gave  in.  How  could  I  help  giving  in? 
He  did  not  look  the  man  that  he  had  been, 
but  you  never  knew  with  Raffles,  and  I 
could  not  have  him  lay  a  hand  on  me.  I 
let  him  go  with  a  shrug  and  my  blessing, 
then  ran  into  his  room  to  see  the  last  of  him 
from  the  window. 

The  creature  in  the  coat  and  boots  had 
114 


The  Last  Laugh 

reached  the  end  of  our  Httle  street,  where 
he  appeared  to  have  hesitated,  so  that  Raf- 
fles was  just  in  time  to  see  which  way  he 
turned.  And  Raffles  was  after  him  at  an 
easy  pace,  and  had  himself  almost  reached 
the  corner  when  my  attention  was  distracted 
from  the  alert  nonchalance  of  his  gait.  I 
was  marvelling  that  it  alone  had  not  long 
ago  bewrayed  him,  for  nothing  about  him 
was  so  unconsciously  characteristic,  when 
suddenly  I  realised  that  Raffles  was  not  the 
only  person  in  the  little  lonely  street.  An- 
other pedestrian  had  entered  from  the  other 
end,  a  man  heavily  built  and  clad,  with  an 
astrakhan  collar  to  his  coat  on  this  warm 
night,  and  a  black  slouch  hat  that  hid  his 
features  from  my  bird's-eye  view.  His 
steps  were  the  short  and  shuffling  ones  of  a 
man  advanced  in  years  and  in  fatty  degen- 
eration, but  of  a  sudden  they  stopped  be- 
neath my  very  eyes.  I  could  have  dropped 
a  marble  into  the  dinted  crown  of  the  black 
felt  hat.  Then,  at  the  same  moment.  Raf- 
fles turned  the  corner  without  looking 
round,  and  the  big  man  below  raised  both 
his  hands  and  his  face.  Of  the  latter  I  ^aw 
115 


Raffles 

only  the  huge  white  moustache,  like  a  fly- 
ing gull,  as  Raffles  had  described  it ;  for  at 
a  glance  I  divined  that  this  was  his  arch- 
enemy, the  Count  Corbucci  himself. 

I  did  not  stop  to  consider  the  subtleties  of 
the  system  by  which  the  real  hunter  lagged 
behind  while  his  subordinate  pointed  the 
quarry  like  a  sporting  dog.  I  left  the  Count 
shuffling  onward  faster  than  before,  and  I 
jumped  into  some  clothes  as  though  the 
flats  were  on  fire.  If  the  Count  was  going 
to  follow  Raffles  in  his  turn,  then  I  would 
follow  the  Count  in  mine,  and  there  would 
be  a  midnight  procession  of  us  through  the 
town.  But  I  found  no  sign  of  him  in  the 
empty  street,  and  no  sign  in  the  Earl's 
Court  Road,  that  looked  as  empty  for  all 
its  length,  save  for  a  natural  enemy  stand- 
ing like  a  waxwork  with  a  glimmer  at  his 
belt. 

"  Oflicer,"  I  gasped,  "  have  you  seen  any- 
thing of  an  old  gentleman  with  a  big  white 
moustache?  " 

The  unlicked  cub  of  a  common  constable 
seemed  to  eye  me  the  more  suspiciously  for 
the  flattering  form  of  my  address. 
ii6 


The  Last  Laugh 

"  Took  a  hansom,"  said  he  at  length. 

A  hansom!  Then  he  was  not  following 
the  others  on  foot;  there  was  no  guessing 
his  game.  But  something  must  be  said  or 
done. 

"  He's  a  friend  of  mine,"  I  explained, 
"  and  I  want  to  overtake  him.  Did  you 
hear  where  he  told  the  fellow  to  drive  ?  " 

A  curt  negative  was  the  policeman's  re- 
ply to  that;  and  if  ever  I  take  part  in  a 
night  assault-at-arms,  revolver  versus  baton 
in  the  back  kitchen,  I  know  which  member 
of  the  Metropolitan  Police  Force  I  should 
like  for  my  opponent. 

If  there  was  no  overtaking  the  Count, 
however,  it  should  be  a  comparatively  sim- 
ple matter  in  the  case  of  the  couple  on  foot, 
and  I  wildly  hailed  the  first  hansom  that 
crawled  into  my  ken.  I  must  tell  Raffles 
who  it  was  that  I  had  seen;  the  Earl's 
Court  Road  was  long,  and  the  time  since  he 
vanished  in  it  but  a  few  short  minutes.  I 
drove  down  the  length  of  that  useful  thor- 
oughfare, with  an  eye  apiece  on  either  pave- 
ment, sweeping  each  as  with  a  brush,  but 
never  a  Raffles  came  into  the  pan.  Then  I 
117 


Raffles 

tried  the  Fulham  Road,  first  to  the  west, 
then  to  the  east,  and  in  the  end  drove  home 
to  the  flat  as  bold  as  brass.  I  did  not  realise 
my  indiscretion  until  I  had  paid  the  man 
and  was  on  the  stairs.  Raffles  never  dreamt 
of  driving  all  the  way  back ;  but  I  was  hop- 
ing now  to  find  him  waiting  up  above.  He 
had  said  an  hour.  I  had  remembered  it 
suddenly.  And  now  the  hour  was  more 
than  up.  But  the  flat  was  as  empty  as  I 
had  left  it ;  the  very  light  that  had  encour- 
aged me,  pale  though  it  was,  as  I  turned 
the  corner  in  my  hansom,  was  but  the  light 
that  I  myself  had  left  burning  in  the  deso- 
late passage. 

I  can  give  you  no  conception  of  the  night 
that  I  spent.  Most  of  it  I  hung  across  the 
sill,  throwing  a  wide  net  with  my  ears, 
catching  every  footstep  afar  ofif,  every  han- 
som bell  farther  still,  only  to  gather  in  some 
alien  whom  I  seldom  even  landed  in  our 
street.  Then  I  would  listen  at  the  door. 
He  might  come  over  the  roof ;  and  eventu- 
ally some  one  did;  but  now  it  was  broad 
daylight,  and  I  flung  the  door  open  in  the 
milkman's  face,  which  whitened  at  the  shock 
ii8 


The  Last  Laugh 

as  though  I  had  ducked  him  in  his  own 
pail. 

"  You're  late,"  I  thundered  as  the  first 
excuse  for  my  excitement. 

"  Beg  your  pardon,"  said  he,  indignant- 
ly, "  but  I'm  half  an  hour  before  my  usual 
time." 

"  Then  I  beg  yours,"  said  I ;  "  but  the 
fact  is,  Mr.  Maturin  has  had  one  of  his  bad 
nights,  and  I  seem  to  have  been  waiting 
hours  for  milk  to  make  him  a  cup  of  tea." 

This  little  fib  (ready  enough  for  a  Raffles, 
though  I  say  it)  earned  me  not  only  for- 
giveness but  that  obliging  sympathy  which 
is  a  branch  of  the  business  of  the  man  at  the 
door.  The  good  fellow  said  that  he  could 
see  I  had  been  sitting  up  all  night,  and  he 
left  me  pluming  myself  upon  the  accidental 
art  with  which  I  had  told  my  very  necessary 
tarradiddle.  On  reflection  I  gave  the  credit 
to  instinct,  not  accident,  and  then  sighed 
afresh  as  I  realised  how  the  influence  of  the 
master  was  sinking  into  me,  and  he  heaven 
knew  where!  But  my  punishment  was 
swift  to  follow,  for  within  the  hour  the  bell 
rang  imperiously  twice,  and  there  was  Dr. 
119 


Raffles 

Theobald  on  our  mat,  in  a  yellow  Jaeger 
suit,  with  a  chin  as  yellow  jutting  over  the 
flaps  that  he  had  turned  up  to  hide  his 
pyjamas. 

"  What's  this  about  a  bad  night  ?  "  said 
he. 

"  He  couldn't  sleep,  and  he  wouldn't  let 
me,"  I  whispered,  never  loosening  my  grasp 
of  the  door,  and  standing  tight  against  the 
other  wall.  "  But  he's  sleeping  like  a  baby 
now." 

"  I  must  see  him." 

"  He  gave  strict  orders  that  you  should 
not." 

"  Tm  his  medical  man,  and  I " 

"  You  know  what  he  is,"  I  said,  shrug- 
ging ;  "  the  least  thing  wakes  him,  and  you 
will  if  you  insist  on  seeing  him  now.  It 
will  be  the  last  time,  I  warn  you!  I  know 
what  he  said,  and  you  don't." 

The  doctor  cursed  me  under  his  fiery 
moustache. 

"  I  shall  come  up  during  the  course  of  the 
morning,"  he  snarled. 

"And  I  shall  tie  up  the  bell,"  I  said, 
"  and  if  it  doesn't  ring  he'll  be  sleeping 

I20 


The  Last  Laugh 

still,  but  I  will  not  risk  waking  him  by 
coming  to  the  door  again." 

And  with  that  I  shut  it  in  his  face.  I 
was  improving,  as  Raffles  had  said;  but 
what  would  it  profit  me  if  some  evil  had 
befallen  him  ?  And  now  I  was  prepared  for 
the  worst.  A  boy  came  up  whistling  and 
leaving  papers  on  the  mats ;  it  was  getting 
on  for  eight  o'clock,  and  the  whisky  and 
soda  of  half-past  twelve  stood  untouched 
and  stagnant  in  the  tumbler.  If  the  worst 
had  happened  to  Raffles,  I  felt  that  I  would 
either  never  drink  again,  or  else  seldom  do 
anything  else. 

Meanwhile  I  could  not  even  break  my 
fast,  but  roamed  the  flat  in  a  misery  not  to 
be  described,  my  very  linen  still  unchanged, 
my  cheeks  and  chin  now  tawny  from  the 
unwholesome  night.  How  long  would  it  go 
on  ?  I  wondered  for  a  time.  Then  I  changed 
my  tune:   how  long  could  I  endure  it? 

It  went  on  actually  until  the  forenoon 
only,  but  my  endurance  cannot  be  measured 
by  the  time,  for  to  me  every  hour  of  it  was 
an  arctic  night.  Yet  it  cannot  have  been 
much  after  eleven  when  the  ring  came  at 

121 


Raffles 

the  bell,  which  I  had  forgotten  to  tie  up 
after  all.  But  this  was  not  the  doctor; 
neither,  too  well  I  knew,  was  it  the  wan- 
derer returned.  Our  bell  was  the  pneu- 
matic one  that  tells  you  if  the  touch  be  light 
or  heavy;  the  hand  upon  it  now  was  ten- 
tative and  shy. 

The  owner  of  the  hand  I  had  never  seen 
before.  He  was  young  and  ragged,  with 
one  eye  blank,  but  the  other  ablaze  with 
some  fell  excitement.  And  straightway  he 
burst  into  a  low  torrent  of  words,  of  which 
all  I  knew  was  that  they  were  Italian,  and 
therefore  news  of  Raffles,  if  only  I  had 
known  the  language!  But  dumb-show 
might  help  us  somewhat,  and  in  I  dragged 
him,  though  against  his  will,  a  new  alarm 
in  his  one  wild  eye. 

"  Non  capite  ?  "  he  cried  when  I  had  him 
inside  and  had  withstood  the  torrent. 

"  No,  I'm  bothered  if  I  do!  "  I  answered, 
guessing  his  question  from  his  tone. 

"  Vostro  amico,"  he  repeated  over  and 
over  again ;  and  then,  "  Poco  tempo,  poco 
tempo,  poco  tempo !  " 

For  once  in  my  life  the  classical  educa- 

122 


The  Last  Laugh 

tion  of  my  public-school  days  was  of  real 
value.  "  My  pal,  my  pal,  and  no  time  to 
be  lost !  "  I  translated  freely,  and  flew  for 
my  hat. 

"  Ecco,  signore !  "  cried  the  fellow,  snatch- 
ing the  watch  from  my  waistcoat  pocket, 
and  putting  one  black  thumb-nail  on  the 
long  hand,  the  other  on  the  numeral 
twelve.  ''  Mezzogiorno — poco  tempo — poco 
tempo !  "  And  again  I  seized  his  meaning, 
that  it  was  twenty  past  eleven,  and  we  must 
be  there  by  twelve.  But  where,  but  where? 
It  was  maddening  to  be  summoned  like  this, 
and  not  to  know  what  had  happened,  nor  to 
have  any  means  of  finding  out.  But  my 
presence  of  mind  stood  by  me  still,  I  was 
improving  by  seven-league  strides,  and  I 
crammed  my  handkerchief  between  the 
drum  and  hammer  of  the  bell  before  leav- 
ing. The  doctor  could  ring  now  till  he  was 
black  in  the  face,  but  I  was  not  coming, 
and  he  need  not  think  it. 

I  half  expected  to  find  a  hansom  waiting, 

but  there  was  none,  and  we  had  gone  some 

distance  down  the  Earl's  Court  Road  before 

we  got  one;    in  fact,  we  had  to  run  to  the 

123 


Raffles 

stand.  Opposite  is  the  church  with  the 
clock  upon  it,  as  everybody  knows,  and  at 
sight  of  the  dial  my  companion  had  wrung 
his  hands ;   it  was  close  upon  the  half-hour. 

"  Poco  tempo — pochissimo !  "  he  wailed. 
"  Bloomburee  Ske-warr,"  he  then  cried  to 
the  cabman — "  numero  trentotto !  " 

"  Bloom^bury  Square,"  I  roared  on  my 
own  account,  '*  I'll  show  you  the  house  when 
we  get  there,  only  drive  like  be-damned !  " 

My  companion  lay  back  gasping  in  his 
corner.  The  small  glass  told  me  that  my 
own  face  was  pretty  red. 

"  A  nice  show !  "  I  cried ;  "  and  not  a 
word  can  you  tell  me.  Didn't  you  bring 
me  a  note?  " 

I  might  have  known  by  this  time  that  he 
had  not,  still  I  went  through  the  pantomime 
of  writing  with  my  finger  on  my  cuff.  But 
he  shrugged  and  shook  his  head. 

"  Niente,"  said  he.  "  Una  quistione  di 
vita,  di  vita  1  " 

*'  What's  that  ? "  I  snapped,  my  early 
training  come  in  again.  "  Say  it  slowly — 
andante — rallentando." 

Thank  Italy  for  the  stage  instructions  in 
124 


The  Last  Laugh 

the  songs  one  used  to  murder !  The  fellow 
actually  understood. 

"  Una — quistione — di — vita." 

**  Or  mors,  eh  ?  "  I  shouted,  and  up  went 
the  trap-door  over  our  heads. 

"  Avanti,  avanti,  avanti !  "  cried  the  Ital- 
ian, turning  up  his  one-eyed  face. 

"  Hell  -  to  -  leather,"  I  translated,  "and 
double  fare  if  you  do  it  by  twelve  o'clock." 

But  in  the  streets  of  London  how  is  one 
to  know  the  time?  In  the  Earl's  Court 
Road  it  had  not  been  half-past,  and  at 
Barker's  in  High  Street  it  was  but  a  min- 
ute later.  A  long  half-mile  a  minute,  that 
was  going  like  the  wind,  and  indeed  we  had 
done  much  of  it  at  a  gallop.  But  the  next 
hundred  yards  took  us  five  minutes  by  the 
next  clock,  and  which  was  one  to  believe? 
I  fell  back  upon  my  own  old  watch  (it  was 
my  own),  which  made  it  eighteen  minutes 
to  the  hour  as  we  swung  across  the  Serpen- 
tine bridge,  and  by  the  quarter  we  were  in 
the  Bayswater  Road — not  up  for  once. 

"  Presto,  presto,"  my  pale  guide  mur- 
mured.   "  Affretatevi — avanti !  " 

"  Ten  bob  if  you  do  it,"  I  cried  through 
125 


Raffles 

the  trap,  without  the  slightest  notion  of 
what  we  were  to  do.  But  it  was  "  una 
quistione  di  vita,"  and  "  vostro  amico " 
must  and  could  only  be  my  miserable  Raf- 
fles. 

What  a  very  godsend  is  the  perfect  han- 
som to  the  man  or  woman  in  a  hurry!  It 
had  been  our  great  good  fortune  to  jump 
into  a  perfect  hansom ;  there  was  no  choice, 
we  had  to  take  the  first  upon  the  rank,  but 
it  must  have  deserved  its  place  with  the  rest 
nowhere.  New  tires,  superb  springs,  a  horse 
in  a  thousand,  and  a  driver  up  to  every 
trick  of  his  trade !  In  and  out  we  went  like 
a  fast  half-back  at  the  Rugby  game,  yet 
where  the  traffic  was  thinnest,  there  were 
we.  And  how  he  knew  his  way!  At  the 
Marble  Arch  he  slipped  out  of  the  main 
stream,  and  so  into  Wigmore  Street,  then 
up  and  in  and  out  and  on  until  I  saw  the 
gold  tips  of  the  Museum  palisade  gleaming 
between  the  horses'  ears  in  the  sun.  Plop, 
plop,  plop ;  ting,  ling,  ling ;  bell  and  horse- 
shoes, horse-shoes  and  bell,  until  the  colos- 
sal figure  of  C.  J.  Fox  in  a  grimy  toga  spelt 
Bloomsbury  Square  with  my  watch  still 
wanting  three  minutes  to  the  hour. 

S25 


The  Last  Laugh 

"  What  number  ?  "  cried  the  good  fellow 
overhead. 

"  Trentotto,  trentotto,"  said  my  guide, 
but  he  was  looking  to  the  right,  and  I 
bundled  him  out  to  show  the  house  on  foot. 
I  had  not  half-a-sovereign  after  all,  but  I 
flung  our  dear  driver  a  whole  one  instead^ 
and  only  wish  that  it  had  been  a  hundred. 

Already  the  Italian  had  his  latch-key  in 
the  door  of  38,  and  in  another  moment  we 
were  rushing  up  the  narrow  stairs  of  as 
dingy  a  London  house  as  prejudiced  coun- 
tryman can  conceive.  It  was  panelled,  but 
it  was  dark  and  evil-smielling,  and  how  we 
should  have  found  our  way  even  to  the 
stairs  but  for  an  unwholesome  jet  of  yellow 
gas  in  the  hall,  I  cannot  myself  imagine. 
However,  up  we  went  pell-mell,  to  the 
right-about  on  the  half-landing,  and  so  like 
a  whirlwind  into  the  drawing-room  a  few 
steps  higher.  There  the  gas  was  also  burn- 
ing behind  closed  shutters,  and  the  scene  is 
photographed  upon  my  brain,  though  I  can- 
not have  looked  upon  it  for  a  whole  instant 
as  I  sprang  in  at  my  leader's  heels. 

This  room  also  was  panelled,  and  in  the 
127 


Raffles 

middle  of  the  wall  on  our  left,  his  hands 
lashed  to  a  ring-bolt  high  above  his  head, 
his  toes  barely  touching  the  floor,  his  neck 
pinioned  by  a  strap  passing  through  smaller 
ring-bolts  under  either  ear,  and  every  inch 
of  him  secured  on  the  same  principle,  stood, 
or  rather  hung,  all  that  was  left  of  Raffles, 
for  at  the  first  glance  I  believed  him  dead. 
A  black  ruler  gagged  him,  the  ends  lashed 
behind  his  neck,  the  blood  upon  it  caked  to 
bronze  in  the  gaslight.  And  in  front  of 
him,  ticking  like  a  sledge-hammer,  its  only 
hand  upon  the  stroke  of  twelve,  stood  a 
simple,  old-fashioned,  grandfather's  clock 
— ^but  not  for  half  an  instant  longer — only 
until  my  guide  could  hurl  himself  upon  it 
and  send  the  whole  thing  crashing  into  the 
corner.  An  ear-splitting  report  accompan- 
ied the  crash,  a  white  cloud  lifted  from  the 
fallen  clock,  and  I  saw  a  revolver  smoking 
in  a  vice  screwed  below  the  dial,  an  arrange- 
ment of  wires  sprouting  from  the  dial  itself, 
and  the  single  hand  at  once  at  its  zenith 
and  in  contact  with  these. 

"Tumble  to  it,  Bunny?" 

He  was  alive  ,*  these  were  his  first  words ; 
128 


The  Last  Laugh 

the  Italian  had  the  blood-caked  ruler  in  his 
hand,  and  with  his  knife  was  reaching  up  to 
cut  the  thongs  that  lashed  the  hands.  He 
was  not  tall  enough,  I  seized  him  and  lifted 
him  up,  then  fell  to  work  with  my  own 
knife  upon  the  straps.  A_nd  Raffles  smiled 
faintly  upon  us  through  his  blood-stains. 

"  I  want  you  to  tumble  to  it,"  he  whis- 
pered ;  "  the  neatest  thing  in  revenge  I 
ever  knew,  and  another  minute  would  have 
fixed  it.  I've  been  waiting  for  it  twelve 
hours,  watching  the  clock  round,  death  at 
the  end  of  the  lap !     Electric  connection. 

Simple    enough.      Hour-hand    only O 

Lord !  " 

We  had  cut  the  last  strap.  He  could  not 
stand.  We  supported  him  between  us  to  a 
horsehair  sofa,  for  the  room  was  furnished, 
and  I  begged  him  not  to  speak,  while  his 
one-eyed  deliverer  was  at  the  door  before 
Raffles  recalled  him  with  a  sharp  word  in 
Italian. 

"  He  wants  to  get  me  a  drink,  but  that 

can   wait,"    said   he,    in  firmer  voice ;   *'  I 

shall  enjoy  it  the  more  when  I've  told  you 

what  happened.    Don't  let  him  go,  Bunny; 

129 


Raffles 

put  your  back  against  the  door.  He's  a 
decent  soul,  and  it's  lucky  for  me  I  got  a 
word  with  him  before  they  trussed  me  up. 
I've  promised  to  set  him  up  in  life,  and  I 
will,  but  I  don't  want  him  out  of  my  sight 
for  the  moment." 

"  If  you  squared  him  last  night,"  I  ex- 
claimed, "  why  the  blazes  didn't  he  come 
to  me  till  the  eleventh  hour  ?  " 

**  Ah,  I  knew  he'd  have  to  cut  it  fine, 
though  I  hoped  not  quite  so  fine  as  all  that. 
But  all's  well  that  ends  well,  and  I  declare 
I  don't  feel  so  much  the  worse.  I  shall  be 
sore  about  the  gills  for  a  bit — and  what  do 
you  think  ?  " 

He  pointed  to  the  long  black  ruler  with 
the  bronze  stain ;  it  lay  upon  the  floor ;  he 
held  out  his  hand  for  it,  and  I  gave  it  to 
him. 

"  The  same  one  I  gagged  him  with,"  said 
Raffles,  with  his  still  ghastly  smile ;  ''  he 
was  a  bit  of  an  artist,  old  Corbucci,  after 
all !  " 

"  Now  let's  hear  how  you  fell  into  his 
clutches,"  said  I,  briskly,  for  I  was  as  anx- 
ious to  hear  as  he  seemed  to  tell  me,  only 
130 


The  Last  Laugh 

for  my  part  I  could  have  waited  until  we 
were  safe  in  the  flat. 

"  I  do  want  to  get  it  off  my  chest,  Bun- 
ny," old  Raffles  admitted,  "  and  yet  I  hardly 
can  tell  you  after  all.  I  followed  your 
friend  with  the  velvet  eyes.  I  followed  him 
all  the  way  here.  Of  course  I  came  up  to 
have  a  good  look  at  the  house  when  he'd  let 
himself  in,  and  damme  if  he  hadn't  left  the 
door  ajar!  Who  could  resist  that?  I  had 
pushed  it  half  open  and  had  just  one  foot 
on  the  mat  when  I  got  such  a  crack  on  the 
head  as  I  hope  never  to  get  again.  When 
I  came  to  my  wits  they  were  hauling  me 
up  to  that  ring-bolt  by  the  hands,  and  old 
Corbucci  himself  was  bowing  to  me,  but 
how  he  got  here  I  don't  know  yet." 

"  I  can  tell  you  that,"  said  I,  and  told 
how  I  had  seen  the  Count  for  myself  on 
the  pavement  underneath  our  windows. 
"  Moreover,"  I  continued,  "  I  saw  him  spot 
you,  and  five  minutes  after  in  Earl's  Court 
Road  I  was  told  he'd  driven  off  in  a  cab. 
He  would  see  you  following  his  man,  drive 
home  ahead,  and  catch  you  by  having  the 
door  left  open  in  the  way  you  describe.'* 
131 


Raffles 

"Well,"  said  Raffles,  ''he  deserved  to 
catch  me  somehow,  for  he'd  come  from 
Naples  on  purpose,  ruler  and  all,  and  the 
ring-bolts  were  ready  fixed,  and  even  this 
house  taken  furnished  for  nothing  else! 
He  meant  catching  me  before  he'd  done, 
and  scoring  me  off  in  exactly  the  same  way 
that  I  scored  off  him,  only  going  one  better 
of  course.  He  told  me  so  himself,  sitting 
where  I  am  sitting  now,  at  three  o'clock 
this  morning,  and  smoking  a  most  abom- 
inable cigar  that  I've  smelt  ever  since.  It 
appears  he  sat  twenty-four  hours  when  I 
left  him  trussed  up,  but  he  said  twelve 
would  content  him  in  my  case,  as  there  was 
certain  death  at  the  end  of  them,  and  I 
mightn't  have  life  enough  left  to  appreciate 
my  end  if  he  made  it  longer.  But  I  wouldn't 
have  trusted  him  if  he  could  have  got  the 
clock  to  go  tzuice  round  without  firing  off 
the  pistol.  He  explained  the  whole  mech- 
anism of  that  to  me ;  he  had  thought  it  all 
out  on  the  vineyard  I  told  you  about;  and 
then  he  asked  if  I  remembered  what  he  had 
promised  me  in  the  name  of  the  Camorra. 
I  only  remembered  some  vague  threats,  but 
133 


The  Last  Laugh 

he  was  good  enough  to  give  me  so  many 
particulars  of  that  institution  that  I  could 
make  a  European  reputation  by  exposing 
the  whole  show  if  it  wasn't  for  my  unfort- 
unate resemblance  to  that  infernal  rascal 
Raffles.  Do  you  think  they  would  know 
me  at  the  Yard,  Bunny,  after  all  this  time? 
Upon  my  soul  I've  a  good  mind  to  risk 
it!" 

I  offered  no  opinion  on  the  point.  How 
could  it  interest  me  then?  But  interested 
I  was  in  Raffles,  never  more  so  in  my  life. 
He  had  been  tortured  all  night  and  half 
a  day,  yet  he  could  sit  and  talk  Hke  this 
the  moment  we  cut  him  down;  he  had 
been  within  a  minute  of  his  death,  yet  he 
was  as  full  of  life  as  ever;  ill-treated  and 
defeated  at  the  best,  he  could  still  smile 
through  his  blood  as  though  the  boot  were 
on  the  other  leg.  I  had  imagined  that  I 
knew  my  Raffles  at  last.  I  was  not  likely 
so  to  flatter  myself  again. 

"  But  what  has  happened  to  these  vil- 
lains?" I  burst  out,  and  my  indignation 
was  not  only  against  them  for  their  cruelty, 
but  also  against  their  victim  for  his  phleg- 
133 


Raffles 

matic  attitude  toward  them.  It  was  diffi- 
cult to  believe  that  this  was  Raffles. 

''  Oh,"  said  he,  "  they  were  to  go  off  to 
Italy  instanter;  they  should  be  crossing 
now.  But  do  Hsten  to  what  I  am  telling 
you;  it's  interesting,  my  dear  man.  This 
old  sinner  Corbucci  turns  out  to  have  been 
no  end  of  a  boss  in  the  Camorra — says  so 
himself.  One  of  the  capi  paranze,  my  boy, 
no  less ;  and  the  velvety  Johnny  a  giovano 
Ofwrato,  Anglice,  fresher.  This  fellow  here 
was  also  in  it,  and  Tve  sworn  to  protect 
him  from  them  evermore;  and  it's  just  as 
I  said,  half  the  organ-grinders  in  London 
belong,  and  the  whole  lot  of  them  were  put 
on  my  tracks  by  secret  instructions.  This 
excellent  youth  manufactures  iced  poison 
on  Saffron  Hill  when  he's  at  home." 

"  And  why  on  earth  didn't  he  come  to 
me  quicker?  " 

"  Because  he  couldn't  talk  to  you,  he 
could  only  fetch  you,  and  it  was  as  much 
as  his  life  was  worth  to  do  that  before  our 
friends  had  departed.  They  were  going  by 
the  eleven  o'clock  from  Victoria,  and  that 
didn't  leave  much  chance,  but  he  certainly 
134 


The  Last  Laugh 

oughtn't  to  have  run  it  as  fine  as  he  did. 
Still  you  must  remember  that  I  had  to  fix 
things  up  with  him  in  the  fewest  possible 
words,  in  a  single  minute  that  the  other 
two  were  indiscreet  enough  to  leave  us 
alone  together." 

The  ragamuffin  in  question  was  watch- 
ing us  with  all  his  solitary  eye,  as  though 
he  knew  that  we  were  discussing  him. 
Suddenly  he  broke  out  in  agonised  accents, 
his  hands  clasped,  and  a  face  so  full  of 
fear  that  every  moment  I  expected  to  see 
him  on  his  knees.  But  Raffles  answered 
kindly,  reassuringly,  I  could  tell  from  his 
tone,  and  then  turned  to  me  with  a  com- 
passionate shrug. 

"  He  says  he  couldn't  find  the  mansions, 
Bunny,  and  really  it's  not  to  be  wondered 
at.  I  had  only  time  to  tell  him  to  hunt 
you  up  and  bring  you  here  by  hook  or 
crook  before  twelve  to-day,  and  after  all  he 
has  done  that.  But  now  the  poor  devil 
thinks  you're  riled  with  him,  and  that  we'll 
give  him  away  to  the  Camorra." 

"  Oh,  it's  not  with  him  I'm  riled,"  I 
said  frankly,  "  but  with  those  other  black- 
135 


Raffles 

guards,  and — and  with  you,  old  chap,  for 
taking  it  all  as  you  do,  while  such  in- 
famous scoundrels  have  the  last  laugh,  and 
are  safely  on  their  way  to  France ! " 

Raffles  looked  up  at  me  with  a  curiously 
open  eye,  an  eye  that  I  never  saw  when 
he  was  not  in  earnest.  I  fancied  he  did 
not  like  my  last  expression  but  one.  After 
all,  it  was  no  laughing  matter  to  him. 

"  But  are  they  ?  "  said  he.  "  I'm  not  so 
sure." 

"  You  said  they  were !  " 

"  I  said  they  should  be." 

"  Didn't  you  hear  them  go  ?  *' 

''  I  heard  nothing  but  the  clock  all 
night.  It  was  like  Big  Ben  striking  at  the 
last — striking  nine  to  the  fellow  on  the 
drop." 

And  in  that  open  eye  I  saw  at  last  a 
deep  glimmer  of  the  ordeal  through  which 
he  had  passed. 

'*  But,  my  dear  old  Raffles,  if  they're  still 
on  the  premises " 

The  thought  was  too  thrilling  for  a  fin- 
ished sentence. 

"  I  hope  they  are,"  he  said  grimly,  go- 
136 


The  Last  Laugh 

ing  to  the  door.  *'  There's  a  gas  on ! 
Was  that  burning  when  you  came  in  ?  " 

Now  that  I  thought  of  it,  yes,  it  had 
been. 

''  And  there's  a  frightfully  foul  smell,"  I 
added,  as  I  followed  RafBes  down  the 
stairs.  He  turned  to  me  gravely  with  his 
hand  upon  the  front-room  door,  and  at  the 
same  moment  I  saw  a  coat  with  an  astra- 
khan collar  hanging  on  the  pegs. 

"  They  are  in  here,  Bunny,"  he  said,  and 
turned  the  handle. 

The  door  would  only  open  a  few  inches. 
But  a  detestable  odour  came  out,  with  a 
broad  bar  of  yellow  gaslight.  Raffles  put 
his  handkerchief  to  his  nose.  I  followed 
his  example,  signing  to  our  ally  to  do  the 
same,  and  in  another  minute  we  had  all 
three  squeezed  into  the  room. 

The  man  with  the  yellow  boots  was 
lying  against  the  door,  the  Count's  great 
carcase  sprawled  upon  the  table,  and  at  a 
glance  it  was  evident  that  both  men  had 
been  dead  some  hours.  The  old  Camor- 
rist  had  the  stem  of  a  liqueur-glass  between 
his  swollen  blue  fingers,  one  of  which  had 
137 


Raffles 

been  cut  in  the  breakage,  and  the  Hvid  flesh 
was  also  brown  with  the  last  blood  that  it 
would  ever  shed.  His  face  was  on  the 
table,  the  huge  moustache  projecting  from 
I'.nder  either  leaden  cheek,  yet  looking  it- 
self strangely  alive.  Broken  bread  and 
scraps  of  frozen  macaroni  lay  upon  the 
cloth  and  at  the  bottom  of  two  soup-plates 
and  a  tureen;  the  macaroni  had  a  tinge 
of  tomato ;  and  there  was  a  crimson  dram 
left  in  the  tumblers,  with  an  empty  fiasco 
to  show  whence  it  came.  But  near  the 
great  grey  head  upon  the  table  another 
liqueur-glass  stood,  unbroken,  and  still  full 
of  some  white  and  stinking  liquid;  and 
near  that  a  tiny  silver  flask,  which  made 
me  recoil  from  Raffles  as  I  had  not  from 
the  dead ;   for  I  knew  it  to  be  his. 

"  Come  out  of  this  poisonous  air,"  he 
said  sternly,  "  and  I  will  tell  you  how  it 
has  happened." 

So  we  all  three  gathered  together  in  the 
hall.  But  it  was  Raffles  who  stood  nearest 
the  street-door,  his  back  to  it,  his  eyes 
npon  us  two.  And  though  it  was  to  me 
only  that  he  spoke  at  first,  he  would  pause 


The  Last  Laugh 

from  point  to  point,  and  translate  into 
Italian  for  the  benefit  of  the  one-eyed  alien 
to  whom  he  owed  his  life. 

"  You  probably  don't  even  know  the 
name,  Bunny,"  he  began,  "  of  the  deadliest 
poison  yet  known  to  science.  It  is  cyanide 
of  cacodyl,  and  I  have  carried  that  small 
flask  of  it  about  with  me  for  months. 
Where  I  got  it  matters  nothing ;  the  whole 
point  is  that  a  mere  sniff  reduces  flesh  to 
clay.  I  have  never  had  any  opinion  of  sui- 
cide, as  you  know,  but  I  always  felt  it 
worth  while  to  be  fore-armed  against  the 
very  worst.  Well,  a  bottle  of  this  stuff 
is  calculated  to  stiffen  an  ordinary  room- 
ful of  ordinary  people  within  five  minutes; 
and  I  remembered  my  flask  when  they  had 
me  as  good  as  crucified  in  the  small  hours 
of  this  morning.  I  asked  them  to  take  it 
out  of  my  pocket.  I  begged  them  to  give 
me  a  drink  before  they  left  me.  And  what 
do  you  suppose  they  did  ?  " 

I  thought  of  many  things  but  suggested 
none,  while  Raflles  turned  this  much  of  his 
statement  into  sufficiently  fluent  Italian. 
But  when  he  faced  me  again  his  face  was 
still  flaming. 

139 


Raffles 

"  That  beast  Corbucci !  "  said  he—"  how 
can  I  pity  him?  He  took  the  flask;  he 
would  give  me  none;  he  flicked  me  in  the 
face  instead.  My  idea  was  that  he,  at 
least,  should  go  with  me — to  sell  my  life 
as  dearly  as  that — and  a  sniff  would  have 
settled  us  both.  But  no,  he  must  tantalise 
and  torment  me;  he  thought  it  brandy; 
he  must  take  it  downstairs  to  drink  to  my 
destruction !  Can  you  have  any  pity  for  a 
hound  like  that?" 

*'  Let  us  go,"  I  at  last  said,  hoarsely,  as 
Raffles  finished  speaking  in  Italian,  and 
his  second  listener  stood  open-mouthed. 

"  We  will  go,"  said  Raffles,  "  and  we 
will  chance  being  seen ;  if  the  worst  comes 
to  the  worst  this  good  chap  will  prove  that 
I  have  been  tied  up  since  one  o'clock  this 
morning,  and  the  medical  evidence  will  de- 
cide how  long  those  dogs  have  been  dead." 

But  the  worst  did  not  come  to  the  worst, 
more  power  to  my  unforgotten  friend  the 
cabman,  who  never  came  forward  to  say 
what  manner  of  men  he  had  driven  to 
Bloomsbury  Square  at  top  speed  on  the 
very  day  upon  which  the  tragedy  was  dis- 
140 


The  Last  Laugh 

covered  there,  or  whence  he  had  driven 
them.  To  be  sure,  they  had  not  behaved 
like  murderers,  whereas  the  evidence  at  the 
inquest  all  went  to  show  that  the  defunct 
Corbucci  was  little  better.  His  reputation, 
which  transpired  with  his  identity,  was 
that  of  a  libertine  and  a  renegade,  while 
the  infernal  apparatus  upstairs  revealed  the 
fiendish  arts  of  the  anarchist  to  boot. 
The  inquiry  resulted  eventually  in  an  open 
verdict,  and  was  chiefly  instrumental  in 
killing  such  compassion  as  is  usually  felt 
for  the  dead  who  die  in  their  sins. 

But  RafHes  would  not  have  passed  this 
title  for  this  tale. 


141 


TO  CATCH  A  THIEF 


SOCIETY  persons  are  not  likely  to,  have 
forgotten  the  series  of  audacious  rob- 
beries by  which  so  many  of  themselves 
suffered  in  turn  during  the  brief  course  of 
a  recent  season.  Raid  after  raid  was  made 
upon  the  smartest  houses  in  town,  and 
within  a  few  weeks  more  than  one  exalted 
head  had  been  shorn  of  its  priceless  tiara. 
The  Duke  and  Duchess  of  Dorchester  lost 
half  the  portable  pieces  of  their  historic 
plate  on  the  very  night  of  their  Graces' 
almost  equally  historic  costume  ball.  The 
Kenworthy  diamonds  were  taken  in  broad 
daylight,  during  the  excitement  of  a  chari- 
table meeting  on  the  ground  floor,  and 
the  gifts  of  her  belted  oridegroom  to  Lady 
May  Paulton  while  the  outer  air  was  thick 
with  a  prismatic  shower  of  confetti.  It 
was  obvious  that  all  this  was  the  work  of 
142 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

no  ordinary  thief,  and  perhaps  inevitable 
that  the  name  of  Raffles  should  have  been 
dragged  from  oblivion  by  callous  disre- 
specters  of  the  departed  and  unreasoning 
apologists  for  the  police.  These  wiseacres 
did  not  hesitate  to  bring  a  dead  man  back 
to  life  because  they  knew  of  no  living  one 
capable  of  such  feats;  it  is  their  heed- 
less and  inconsequent  calumnies  that  the 
present  paper  is  partly  intended  to  refute. 
As  a  matter  of  fact,  our  joint  innocence  in 
this  matter  was  only  exceeded  by  our  com- 
mon envy,  and  for  a  long  time,  like  the 
rest  of  the  world,  neither  of  us  had  the 
slightest  clue  to  the  identity  of  the  person 
who  was  following  in  our  steps  with  such 
irritating  results. 

"  I  should  mind  less,"  said  Raffles,  "  if 
the  fellow  were  really  playing  my  game. 
But  abuse  of  hospitality  was  never  one  of 
my  strokes,  and  it  seems  to  me  the  only 
shot  he's  got.  When  we  took  old  Lady 
Melrose's  necklace,  Bunny,  we  were  not 
staying  with  the  Melroses,  if  you  recollect.'* 

We  were  discussing  the  robberies  for  the 
hundredth  time,  but  for  once  under  condi- 
143 


Raffles 

tions  more  favourable  to  animated  conver- 
sation than  our  unique  circumstances  per- 
mitted in  the  flat.  We  did  not  often  dine 
out.  Dr.  Theobald  was  one  impediment,  the 
risk  of  recognition  was  another.  But  there 
were  exceptions,  when  the  doctor  was 
away  or  the  patient  defiant,  and  on  these 
rare  occasions  we  frequented  a  certain  un- 
pretentious restaurant  in  the  Fulham  quar- 
ter, where  the  cooking  was  plain  but  ex- 
cellent, and  the  cellar  a  surprise.  Our 
bottle  of  '89  champagne  was  empty  to  the 
label  when  the  subject  arose,  to  be  touched 
by  Raffles  in  the  reminiscent  manner  indi- 
cated above.  I  can  see  his  clear  eye  upon 
me  now,  reading  me,  weighing  me.  But 
I  was  not  so  sensitive  to  his  scrutiny  at 
the  time.  His  tone  was  deliberate,  calcu- 
lating, preparatory ;  not  as  I  heard  it  then, 
though  a  head  full  of  wine,  but  as  it  floats 
back  to  me  across  the  gulf  between  that 
moment  and  this. 

"  Excellent  fillet !  "  said  I  grossly.  "  So 
you  think  this  chap  is  as  much  in  society 
as  we  were,  do  you  ?  " 

I  preferred  not  to  think  so  myself.  We 
144 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

had  cause  enough  for  jealousy  without 
that.  But  Raffles  raised  his  eyebrows  an 
eloquent  half-inch. 

"  As  much,  my  dear  Bunny?  He  is  not 
only  in  it,  but  of  it ;  there's  no  comparison 
between  us  there.  Society  is  in  rings  like 
a  target,  and  we  never  were  in  the  bullV 
eye,  however  thick  you  may  lay  on  the 
ink!  I  was  asked  for  my  cricket.  I 
haven't  forgotten  it  yet.  But  this  fellow's 
one  of  themselves,  with  the  right  of  entree 
into  houses  which  we  could  only  *  enter  * 
in  a  professional  sense.  That's  obvious  un- 
less all  these  little  exploits  are  the  work 
of  different  hands,  which  they  as  obviously 
are  not.  And  it's  why  I'd  give  five  hun- 
dred pounds  to  put  salt  on  him  to-night ! " 

"  Not  you,"  said  I,  as  I  drained  my  glass 
in  festive  incredulity. 

"  But  I  would,  my  dear  Bunny.  Waiter  1 
another  half-bottle  of  this,"  and  Raffles 
leant  across  the  table  as  the  empty  one 
was  taken  away.  "  I  never  was  more  seri- 
ous in  my  life,"  he  continued  below  his 
breath.  *'  Whatever  else  our  successor  may 
be,  he's  not  a  dead  man  like  me,  or  a 
145 


Raffles 

marked  man  like  you.  If  there's  any  truth 
in  my  theory  he's  one  of  the  last  people 
upon  whom  suspicion  is  ever  likely  to 
rest;  and  oh,  Bunny,  what  a  partner  he 
would  make  for  you  and  me !  " 

Under  less  genial  influences  the  very 
idea  of  a  third  partner  would  have  filled 
my  soul  with  offence;  but  Raffles  had 
chosen  his  moment  unerringly,  and  his  ar- 
guments lost  nothing  by  the  flowing  ac- 
companiment of  the  extra  pint.  They 
were,  however,  quite  strong  in  themselves. 
The  gist  of  them  was  that  thus  far  we  had 
remarkably  little  to  show  for  what  Raffles 
would  call  "  our  second  innings."  This 
even  I  could  not  deny.  We  had  scored  a 
few  "  long  singles,"  but  our  "  best  shots  " 
had  gone  "  straight  to  hand,"  and  we  were 
"  playing  a  deuced  slow  game."  Therefore 
we  needed  a  new  partner — and  the  meta- 
phor failed  Raffles.  It  had  served  its  turn. 
I  already  agreed  with  him.  In  truth  I  was 
tired  of  my  false  position  as  hireling  at- 
tendant, and  had  long  fancied  myself  an 
object  of  suspicion  to  that  other  impostor 
the  doctor.  A  fresh,  untrammelled  start 
146 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

was  a  fascinating  idea  to  me,  though  two 
was  company,  and  three  in  our  case  might 
be  worse  than  none.  But  I  did  not  see 
how  we  could  hope,  with  our  respective 
handicaps,  to  solve  a  problem  which  was 
already  the  despair  of  Scotland  Yard. 

"  Suppose  I  have  solved  it,"  observed 
Raffles,  cracking  a  walnut  in  his  palm. 

"  How  could  you  ?  "  I  asked,  without  be- 
lieving for  an  instant  that  he  had. 

"  I  have  been  taking  the  Morning  Post 
for  some  time  now." 

"Well?" 

"  You  have  got  me  a  good  many  odd 
numbers  of  the  less  base  society  papers." 

"  I  can't  for  the  life  of  me  see  what 
you're  driving  at." 

Raffles  smiled  indulgently  as  he  cracked 
another  nut. 

"  That's  because  you've  neither  observa- 
tion nor  imagination,  Bunny — and  yet  you 
try  to  write !  Well,  you  wouldn't  think  it, 
but  I  have  a  fairly  complete  list  of  the 
people  who  were  at  the  various  functions 
under  cover  of  which  these  different  little 
coups  were  brought  off." 


Raffles 

I  said  very  stolidly  that  I  did  not  see 
how  that  could  help  him.  It  was  the  only 
answer  to  his  good-humoured  but  self- 
satisfied  contempt ;  it  happened  also  to  be 
true. 

"  Think/'  said  Raffles,  in  a  patient  voice. 

"  When  thieves  break  in  and  steal,"  said 
I,  "  upstairs,  I  don't  see  much  point  in 
discovering  who  was  downstairs  at  the 
time." 

"Quite,"  said  Raffles— "  when  they  do 
break  in." 

*'  But  that's  what  they  have  done  in 
all  these  cases.  An  upstairs  door  found 
screwed  up,  when  things  were  at  their 
height  below;  thief  gone  and  jewels  with 
him  before  alarm  could  be  raised.  Why, 
the  trick's  so  old  that  I  never  knew  you 
condescend  to  play  it." 

"  Not  so  old  as  it  looks,"  said  Raffles, 
choosing  the  cigars  and  handing  me  mine. 
"  Cognac  or  Benedictine,  Bunny?  " 

"  Brandy,"  I  said  coarsely. 

"  Besides,"  he  went  on,  "  the  rooms  were 
not  screwed  up;  at  Dorchester  House,  at 
any  rate,  the  door  was  only  locked,  and  the 
148 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

key  missing,  so  that  it  might  have  been 
done  on  either  side/* 

"  But  that  was  where  he  left  his  rope- 
ladder  behind  him !  '*  I  exclaimed  in  tri- 
umph; but  Raffles  only  shook  his  head. 

"  I  don't  believe  in  that  rope-ladder, 
Bunny,  except  as  a  blind/' 

"  Then  what  on  earth  do  you  believe  ?  " 

"  That  every  one  of  these  so-called  bur- 
glaries has  been  done  from  the  inside,  by 
one  of  the  guests;  and  what's  more  I'm 
very  much  mistaken  if  I  haven't  spotted 
the  right  sportsman." 

I  began  to  believe  that  he  really  had, 
there  was  such  a  wicked  gravity  in  the 
eyes  that  twinkled  faintly  into  mine.  I 
raised  my  glass  in  convivial  congratula- 
tion, and  still  remember  the  somewhat 
anxious  eye  with  which  Raffles  saw  it 
emptied. 

"  I  can  only  find  one  likely  name,"  he 
continued,  "  that  figures  in  all  these  Hsts, 
and  it  is  anything  but  a  likely  one  at  first 
sight.  Lord  Ernest  Belville  was  at  all 
those  functions.  Know  anything  about 
him,  Bunny  ? " 

149 


Raffles 

"Not  the  Rational  Drink  fanatic?" 

"  Yes." 

"  That's  all  I  want  to  know." 

"  Quite,"  said  Raffles ;  "  and  yet  what 
could  be  more  promising?  A  man  whose 
views  are  so  broad  and  moderate,  and  so 
widely  held  already  (saving  your  presence. 
Bunny),  does  not  bore  the  world  with  them 
without  ulterior  motives.  So  far  so  good. 
What  are  this  chap's  motives?  Does  he 
want  to  advertise  himself?  No,  he's  some- 
body already.  But  is  he  rich?  On  the 
contrary,  he's  as  poor  as  a  rat  for  his  po- 
sition, and  apparently  without  the  least 
ambition  to  be  anything  else ;  certainly  he 
won't  enrich  himself  by  making  a  public 
fad  of  what  all  sensible  people  are  agreed 
upon  as  it  is.  Then  suddenly  one  gets 
one's  own  old  idea — the  alternative  pro- 
fession !  My  cricket — his  Rational  Drink ! 
But  it  is  no  use  jumping  to  conclusions.  I 
must  know  more  than  the  newspapers  can 
tell  me.  Our  aristocratic  friend  is  forty, 
and  unmarried.  What  has  he  been  doing 
all  these  years?  How  the  devil  was  I  to 
find  out?" 

150 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

"  How  did  you  ?  "  I  asked,  declining  to 
spoil  my  digestion  with  a  conundrum,  as 
it  was  his  evident  intention  that  I  should. 

"  Interviewed  him !  "  said  Raffles,  smil- 
ing slowly  on  my  amazement. 

"  You  —  interviewed  him  ?  "  I  echoed. 
"  When — and  where  ?  " 

"  Last  Thursday  night,  when,  if  you  re- 
member, we  kept  early  hours,  because  I 
felt  done.  What  was  the  use  of  telling 
you  what  I  had  up  my  sleeve,  Bunny?  It 
might  have  ended  in  fizzle,  as  it  still  may. 
But  Lord  Ernest  Belville  was  addressing 
the  meeting  at  Exeter  Hall;  I  waited  for 
him  when  the  show  was  over,  dogged  him 
home  to  King  John's  Mansions,  and  in- 
terviewed him  in  his  own  rooms  there  be- 
fore he  turned  in." 

My  journalistic  jealousy  was  piqued  to 
the  quick.  Affecting  a  scepticism  I  did 
not  feel  (for  no  outrage  was  beyond  the 
pale  of  his  impudence),  I  inquired  dryly 
which  journal  Raffles  had  pretended  to 
represent.  It  is  unnecessary  to  report  his 
answer.  I  could  not  believe  him  without 
further  explanation. 

151 


Raffles 

"  I  should  have  thought,"  he  said,  "  that 
even  you  would  have  spotted  a  practice  I 
never  omit  upon  certain  occasions.  I  al- 
ways pay  a  visit  to  the  drawing-room  and 
fill  my  waistcoat  pocket  from  the  card-tray. 
It  is  an  immense  help  in  any  little  tem- 
porary impersonation.  On  Thursday  night 
I  sent  up  the  card  of  a  powerful  writer 
connected  with  a  powerful  paper;  if  Lord 
Ernest  had  known  him  in  the  flesh  I 
should  have  been  obliged  to  confess  to  a 
journalistic  ruse ;  luckily  he  didn't — and  I 
had  been  sent  by  my  editor  to  get  the  in- 
terview for  next  morning.  What  could  be 
better — for  the  alternative  profession  ?  " 

I  inquired  what  the  interview  had 
brought  forth. 

"  Everything,"  said  RafHes.  "  Lord  Er- 
nest has  been  a  wanderer  these  twenty 
years.  Texas,  Fiji,  Australia.  I  suspect 
him  of  wives  and  families  in  all  three.  But 
his  manners  are  a  liberal  education.  He 
gave  me  some  beautiful  whisky,  and  for- 
got all  about  his  fad.  He  is  strong  and 
subtle,  but  I  talked  him  off  his  guard.  He 
is  going  to  the  Kir^leathams*  to-night — I 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

saw  the  card  stuck  up.  I  stuck  some  wax 
into  his  keyhole  as  he  was  switching  off 
the  lights." 

And,  with  an  eye  upon  the  waiters,  Raf- 
fles showed  me  a  skeleton  key,  newly 
twisted  and  filed;  but  my  share  of  the 
extra  pint  (I  am  afraid  no  fair  share)  had 
made  me  dense.  I  looked  from  the  key  to 
Raffles  with  puckered  forehead — for  I  hap- 
pened to  catch  sight  of  it  in  the  mirror 
behind  him. 

"  The  Dowager  Lady  Kirkleatham,"  he 
whispered,  "  has  diamonds  as  big  as  beans, 
and  likes  to  have  'em  all  on — and  goes  to 
bed  early — and  happens  to  be  in  town !  " 

And  now  I  saw. 

"  The  villain  means  to  get  them  from 
her!" 

"  And  I  mean  to  get  them  from  the 
villain,"  said  Raffles ;  "  or,  rather,  your 
share  and  mine." 

"  Will  he  consent  to  a  partnership  ?  " 

"  We  shall  have  him  at  our  mercy.  He 
daren't  refuse." 

Raffles's  plan  was  to  gain  access  to  Lord 
Ernest's  rooms  before  midnight ;  there  we 
153 


Raffles 

were  to  lie  in  wait  for  the  aristocratic  ras- 
cal, and  if  I  left  all  details  to  Raffles,  and 
simply  stood  by  in  case  of  a  rumpus,  I 
should  be  playing  my  part  and  earning  my 
share.  It  was  a  part  that  I  had  played  be- 
fore, not  always  with  a  good  grace,  though 
there  had  never  been  any  question  about 
the  share.  But  to-night  I  was  nothing 
loth.  I  had  had  just  champagne  enough — 
how  Raffles  knew  my  measure ! — and  I  was 
ready  and  eager  for  anything.  Indeed,  I 
did  not  wish  to  wait  for  the  coffee,  which 
was  to  be  especially  strong  by  order  of 
Raffles.  But  on  that  he  insisted,  and  it  was 
between  ten  and  eleven  when  at  last  we 
were  in  our  cab. 

**  It  would  be  fatal  to  be  too  early,"  he 
said  as  we  drove ;  "  on  the  other  hand,  it 
would  be  dangerous  to  leave  it  too  late. 
One  must  risk  something.  How  I  should 
love  to  drive  down  Piccadilly  and  see  the 
lights  !  But  unnecessary  risks  are  another 
story." 


154 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

II 

King  John*s  Mansions,  as  everybody 
knows,  are  the  oldest,  the  ugliest,  and  the 
tallest  block  of  fiats  in  all  London.  But 
they  are  built  upon  a  more  generous  scale 
than  has  since  become  the  rule,  and  with 
a  less  studious  regard  for  the  economy  o! 
space.  We  were  about  to  drive  into  the 
spacious  courtyard  when  the  gate-keeper 
checked  us  in  order  to  let  another  hansom 
drive  out.  It  contained  a  middle-aged  man 
of  the  military  type,  like  ourselves  in  even- 
ing dress.  That  much  I  saw  as  his  han- 
som crossed  our  bows,  because  I  could  not 
help  seeing  it,  but  I  should  not  have  given 
the  incident  a  second  thought  if  it  had  not 
been  for  his  extraordinary  effect  upon 
Raffles.  In  an  instant  he  was  out  upon 
the  curb,  paying  the  cabby,  and  in  another 
he  was  leading  me  across  the  street,  away 
from  the  mansions. 

"Where  on  earth  are  you  going?"  I 
naturally  exclaimed. 

"  Into  the  park,"  said  he.  "  We  are  too 
early." 

155 


Raffles 

His  voice  told  me  more  than  his  words. 
It  was  strangely  stem. 

**  Was  that  him — in  the  hansom  ?  " 

"  It  was." 

*'  Well,  then,  the  coast's  clear,"  said  I, 
comfortably.  I  was  for  turning  back  then 
and  there,  but  Raffles  forced  me  on  with 
a  hand  that  hardened  on  my  arm. 

"  It  was  a  nearer  thing  than  I  care 
about,"  said  he.  "  This  seat  will  do ;  no, 
the  next  one's  further  from  a  lamp-post. 
We  will  give  him  a  good  half-hour,  and  I 
don't  want  to  talk." 

We  had  been  seated  some  minutes  when 
Big  Ben  sent  a  languid  chime  over  our 
heads  to  the  stars.  It  was  half-past  ten, 
and  a  sultry  night.  Eleven  had  struck  be- 
fore Raffles  awoke  from  his  sullen  reverie, 
and  recalled  me  from  mine  with  a  slap  on 
the  back.  In  a  couple  of  minutes  we  were 
in  the  lighted  vestibule  at  the  inner  end  of 
the  courtyard  of  King  John's  Mansions. 

"Just  left  Lord  Ernest  at  Lady  Kirk- 
leatham's,"  said  Raffles.  "  Gave  me  his 
key  and  asked  us  to  wait  for  him  in  his 
rooms.    Will  you  send  us  up  in  the  Hft  ?  " 

156 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

In  a  small  way,  I  never  knew  old  Raffles 
do  anything  bette:  There  was  not  an 
instant's  demur.  Lord  Ernest  Belville's 
rooms  were  at  the  top  of  the  building,  but 
we  were  in  them  as  quickly  as  Hft  could 
carry  and  page-boy  conduct  us.  And  there 
was  no  need  for  the  skeleton  key  after  all ; 
the  boy  opened  the  outer  door  with  one 
of  his  own,  and  switched  on  the  lights  be- 
fore leaving  us. 

"  Now  that's  interesting,"  said  Raffles, 
as  soon  as  we  were  alone;  "they  can 
come  in  and  clean  when  he  is  out.  What 
if  he  keeps  his  swag  at  the  bank?  By 
Jove,  that's  an  idea  for  him  I  I  don't  be- 
lieve he's  getting  rid  of  it ;  it's  all  lying 
low  somewhere,  if  I'm  not  mistaken,  and 
he's  not  a  fool." 

While  he  spoke  he  was  moving  about 
the  sitting-room,  which  was  charmingly 
furnished  in  the  antique  style,  and  making 
as  many  remarks  as  though  he  were  an 
auctioneer's  clerk  with  an  inventory  to  pre- 
pare and  a  day  to  do  it  in,  instead  of  a 
cracksman  who  might  be  surprised  in  his 
crib  at  any  moment. 

157 


Raffles 

"  Chippendale  of  sorts,  eh,  Bunny  ?  Not 
genuine,  of  course ;  but  where  can  you  get 
genuine  Chippendale  now,  and  who  knows 
it  when  they  see  it?  There's  no  merit  in 
mere  antiquity.  Yet  the  way  people  pose 
on  the  subject !  If  a  thing's  handsome  and 
useful,  and  good  cabinet-making,  it's  good 
enough  for  me." 

**  Hadn't  we  better  explore  the  whole 
place  ?  "  I  suggested  nervously.  He  had 
not  even  bolted  the  outer  door.  Nor  would 
he  when  I  called  his  attention  to  the 
omission. 

"  If  Lord  Ernest  finds  his  rooms  locked 
up  he'll  raise  Cain,"  said  Raffles ;  "  we 
must  let  him  come  in  and  lock  up  for  him- 
self before  we  corner  him.  But  he  won't 
come  yet ;  if  he  did  it  might  be  awkward, 
for  they'd  tell  him  down  below  what  I  told 
them.  A  new  staff  comes  on  at  midnight. 
I  discovered  that  the  other  night." 

"  Supposing  he  does  come  in  before?  " 

"  Well,  he  can't  have  us  turned  out 
without  first  seeing  who  we  are,  and  he 
won't  try  it  on  when  I've  had  one  word 
with  him.  Unless  my  suspicions  are  un- 
founded, I  mean." 

158 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

"  Isn't  it  about  time  to  test  them  ?  " 

"  My  good  Bunny,  what  do  you  suppose 
I've  been  doing  all  this  while?  He  keeps 
nothing  in  here.  There  isn't  a  lock  to  the 
Chippendale  that  you  couldn't  pick  with  a 
penknife,  and  not  a  loose  board  in  the 
floor,  for  I  was  treading  for  one  before  the 
boy  left  us.  Chimney's  no  use  in  a  place 
Hke  this  where  they  keep  them  swept  for 
you.  Yes,  I'm  quite  ready  to  try  his  bed- 
room." 

There  was  but  a  bath-room  besides ;  no 
kitchen,  no  servant's  room ;  neither  are 
necessary  in  King  John's  Mansions.  I 
thought  it  as  well  to  put  my  head  inside 
the  bath-room  while  Raffles  went  into  the 
bedroom,  for  I  was  tormented  by  the  hor- 
rible idea  that  the  man  might  all  this  time 
be  concealed  somewhere  in  the  flat.  But 
the  bath-room  blazed  void  in  the  electric 
light.  I  found  Raflles  hanging  out  of  the 
starry  square  which  was  the  bedroom  win- 
dow, for  the  room  was  still  in  darkness. 
I  felt  for  the  switch  at  the  door. 

"  Put  it  out  again !  "  said  Raffles  fiercely. 
He  rose  from  the  sill,  drew  blind  and  cur- 
159 


Raffles 

tains  carefully,  then  switched  on  the  light 
himself.  It  fell  upon  a  face  creased  more 
in  pity  than  in  anger,  and  Raffles  only 
shook  his  head  as  I  hung  mine. 

"  It's  all  right,  old  boy,"  said  he ;  "  but 
corridors  have  windows  too,  and  servants 
have  eyes ;  and  you  and  I  are  supposed  to 
be  in  the  other  room,  not  in  this.  But 
cheer  up.  Bunny !  This  is  the  room ;  look 
at  the  extra  bolt  on  the  door;  he's  had 
that  put  on,  and  there's  an  iron  ladder  to 
his  window  in  case  of  fire !  Way  of  escape 
ready  against  the  hour  of  need;  he's  a 
better  man  than  I  thought  him,  Bunny, 
after  all.  But  you  may  bet  your  bottom 
dollar  that  if  there's  any  boodle  in  the  flat 
it's  in  this  room." 

Yet  the  room  was  very  lightly  fur- 
nished; and  nothing  was  locked.  We 
looked  everywhere,  but  we  looked  in  vain. 
The  wardrobe  was  filled  with  hanging  coats 
and  trousers  in  a  press,  the  drawers  with 
the  softest  silk  and  finest  linen.  It  was  a 
camp-bedstead  that  would  not  have  unset- 
tled an  anchorite;  there  was  no  place  for 
treasure  there.  I  looked  up  the  chimney, 
1 60 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

but  Raffles  told  me  not  to  be  a  fool,  and 
asked  if  I  ever  listened  to  what  he  said. 
There  was  no  question  about  his  temper 
now.     I  never  knew  him  in  a  worse. 

"  Then  he  has  got  it  in  the  bank,"  he 
growled.  "  I'll  swear  I'm  not  mistaken  In 
my  man !  " 

I  had  the  tact  not  to  differ  with  him 
there.  But  I  could  not  help  suggesting 
that  now  was  our  time  to  remedy  any  mis- 
take we  might  have  made.  We  were  on 
the  right  side  of  midnight  still. 

"  Then  we  stultify  ourselves  downstairs," 
said  Raffles.  "  No,  I'll  be  shot  if  I  do ! 
He  may  come  in  with  the  Kirkleatham 
diamonds !  You  do  what  you  like.  Bunny, 
but  I  don't  budge." 

"  I  certainly  sha'n't  leave  you,"  I  re- 
torted, "  to  be  knocked  into  the  middle  of 
next  week  by  a  better  man  than  yourself." 

I  had  borrowed  his  own  tone,  and  he 
did  not  like  it.  They  never  do.  I  thought 
for  a  moment  that  Raffles  was  going  to 
strike  me — for  the  first  and  last  time  in  his 
life.  He  could  if  he  Hked.  My  blood  was 
up.  I  was  ready  to  send  him  to  the  devil. 
i6i 


Raffles 

And  I  emphasised  my  offence  by  nodding 
and  shrugging  toward  a  pair  of  very  large 
Indian  clubs  that  stood  in  the  fender,  on 
either  side  of  the  chimney  up  which  I  had 
presumed  to  glance. 

In  an  instant  Raffles  had  seized  the 
clubs,  and  was  whirling  them  about  his 
grey  head  in  a  mixture  of  childish  pique 
and  puerile  bravado  which  I  should  have 
thought  him  altogether  above.  And  sud- 
denly as  I  watched  him  his  face  changed, 
softened,  lit  up,  and  he  swung  the  clubs 
gently  down  upon  the  bed. 

"  They're  not  heavy  enough  for  their 
size,"  said  he  rapidly;  "and  I'll  take  my 
oath  they're  not  the  same  weight !  " 

He  shook  one  club  after  the  other,  with 
both  hinds,  close  to  his  ear;  then  he  ex- 
amined their  butt-ends  under  the  electric 
light.  I  saw  what  he  suspected  now%  and 
caught  the  contagion  of  his  suppressed 
excitement.  Neither  of  us  spoke.  But 
RafBes  had  taken  out  the  portable  tool- 
box that  he  called  a  knife,  and  always  car- 
ried, and  as  he  opened  the  gimlet  he 
handed  me  the  club  he  held.  Instinctively 
162 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

I  tucked  the  small  end  under  my  arm,  and 
presented  the  other  to  Raffles. 

"  Hold  him  tight,"  he  whispered,  smil- 
ing. "  He's  not  only  a  better  man  than  I 
thought  him,  Bunny;  he's  hit  upon  a  bet- 
ter dodge  than  ever  I  did,  of  its  kind. 
Only  I  should  have  weighted  them  evenly 
— to  a  hair." 

He  had  screwed  the  gimlet  into  the  cir- 
cular butt,  close  to  the  edge,  and  now  we 
were  wrenching  in  opposite  directions. 
For  a  moment  or  more  nothing  happened. 
Then  all  at  once  something  gave,  and  Raf- 
fles swore  an  oath  as  soft  as  any  prayer. 
And  for  the  minute  after  that  his  hand 
went  round  and  round  with  the  gimlet,  as 
though  he  were  grinding  a  piano-organ, 
while  the  end  wormed  slowly  out  on  its 
delicate  thread  of  fine  hard  wood. 

The  clubs  were  as  hollow  as  drinking- 
horns,  the  pair  of  them,  for  we  went  from 
one  to  the  other  without  pausing  to  undo 
the  padded  packets  that  poured  out  upon 
the  bed.  These  were  deliciously  heavy  to 
the  hand,  yet  thickly  swathed  in  cotton- 
wool, so  that  some  stuck  together,  retain- 
163 


Raffles 

ing  the  shape  of  the  cavity,  as  though  they 
had  been  run  out  of  a  mould.  And  when 
we  did  open  them — but  let  Raffles  speak. 

He  had  deputed  me  to  screw  in  the  ends 
of  the  clubs,  and  to  replace  the  latter  in 
the  fender  where  we  had  found  them. 
When  I  had  done  the  counterpane  was 
glittering  with  diamonds  where  it  was  not 
shimmering  with  pearls. 

"  If  this  isn't  the  tiara  that  Lady  May 
was  married  in,"  said  Raffles,  "  and  that 
disappeared  out  of  the  room  she  changed 
in,  while  it  rained  confetti  on  the  steps, 
I'll  present  it  to  her  instead  of  the  one 
she  lost.  ...  It  was  stupid  to  keep 
these  old  gold  spoons,  valuable  as  they  are ; 
they  made  the  difference  in  the  weight  .  .  . 
Here  we  have  probably  the  Kenworthy 
diamonds  ...  I  don't  know  the  his- 
tory of  these  pearls  .  .  .  This  looks  like 
one  family  of  rings — left  on  the  basin- 
stand,  perhaps  —  alas,  poor  lady!  And 
that's  the  lot." 

Our  eyes  met  across  the  bed. 

'^What's  it  all  worth?"  I  asked, 
hoarsely. 

164 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

"  Impossible  to  say.  But  more  than  all 
we  ever  took  in  all  our  lives.  That  Til 
swear  to." 

"  More  than  all " 

My  tongue  swelled  with  the  thought. 

"  But  it'll  take  some  turning  into  cash, 
old  chap !  " 

"  And — must  it  be  a  partnership  ?  "  I 
asked,  finding  a  lugubrious  voice  at  length. 

"  Partnership  be  damned  !  "  cried  Raffles, 
heartily.  ''  Let's  get  out  quicker  than  we 
came  in." 

We  pocketed  the  things  between  us, 
cotton-wool  and  all,  not  because  we  want- 
ed the  latter,  but  to  remove  all  immediate 
traces  of  our  really  meritorious  deed. 

"  The  sinner  won't  dare  to  say  a  word 
when  he  does  find  out,"  remarked  Rafifles 
of  Lord  Ernest ;  "  but  that's  no  reason  why 
he  should  find  out  before  he  must.  Every- 
thing's straight  in  here,  I  think;  no,  bet- 
ter leave  the  window  open  as  it  was,  and 
the  blind  up.  Now  out  with  the  light. 
One  peep  at  the  other  room.  That's  all 
right,  too.     Out  with  the  passage  light, 

Bunny,  while  I  open " 

165 


Raffles 

His  words  died  away  in  a  whisper.  A 
key  was  fumbling  at  the  lock  outside. 

"  Out  with  it — out  with  it !  "  whispered 
Raffles  in  an  agony;  and  as  I  obeyed  he 
picked  me  off  my  feet  and  swung  me  bod- 
ily but  silently  into  the  bedroom,  just  as 
the  outer  door  opened,  and  a  masterful 
step  strode  in. 

The  next  five  were  horrible  minutes. 
We  heard  the  apostle  of  Rational  Drink 
unlock  one  of  the  deep  drawers  in  his 
antique  sideboard,  and  sounds  followed 
suspiciously  like  the  splash  of  spirits  and 
the  steady  stream  from  a  siphon.  Never 
before  or  since  did  I  experience  such  a 
thirst  as  assailed  me  at  that  moment,  nor 
do  I  believe  that  many  tropical  explorers 
have  known  its  equal.  But  I  had  Raffles 
with  me,  and  his  hand  was  as  steady  and 
as  cool  as  the  hand  of  a  trained  nurse. 
That  I  know  because  he  turned  up  the 
collar  of  my  overcoat  for  me,  for  some 
reason,  and  buttoned  it  at  the  throat.  I 
afterwards  found  that  he  had  done  the 
same  to  his  own,  but  I  did  not  hear  him 
doing  it.  The  one  thing  I  heard  in  the 
i66 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

bedroom  was  a  tiny  metallic  click,  muffled 
and  deadened  in  his  overcoat  pocket,  and 
it  not  only  removed  my  last  tremor,  but 
strung  me  to  a  higher  pitch  of  excitement 
than  ever.  Yet  I  had  then  no  conception 
of  the  game  that  Raffles  was  deciding  to 
play,  and  that  I  was  to  play  with  him  in 
another  minute. 

It  cannot  have  been  longer  before  Lord 
Ernest  came  into  his  bedroom.  Heavens, 
but  my  heart  had  not  forgotten  how  to 
thump !  We  were  standing  near  the  door, 
and  I  could  swear  he  touched  me;  then 
his  boots  creaked,  there  was  a  rattle  in  the 
fender — and  Raffles  switched  on  the  Hght. 

Lord  Ernest  Belville  crouched  in  its 
glare  with  one  Indian  club  held  by  the 
end,  like  a  footman  with  a  stolen  bottle. 
A  good-looking,  well-built,  iron-grey,  iron- 
jawed  man ;  but  a  fool  and  a  weakling  at 
that  moment,  if  he  had  never  been  either 
before. 

"Lord    Ernest    Belville,"    said    Raffles, 

"  it's  no  use.     This  is  a  loaded  revolver, 

and  if  you  force  me  I  shall  use  it  on  you 

as  I  would  on  any  other  desperate  criminal. 

167 


Raffles 

I  am  here  to  arrest  you  for  a  series  of 
robberies  at  the  Duke  of  Dorchester's,  Sir 
John  Kenworthy's,  and  other  noblemen's 
and  gentlemen's  houses  during  the  present 
season.  You'd  better  drop  what  you've 
got  in  your  hand.    It's  empty." 

Lord  Ernest  lifted  the  dub  an  inch  or 
two,  and  with  it  his  eyebrows — and  after 
it  his  stalwart  frame  as  the  club  crashed 
back  into  the  fender.  And  as  he  stood  at 
his  full  height,  a  courteous  but  ironic  smile 
under  the  cropped  moustache,  he  looked 
what  he  was,  criminal  or  not. 

'' Scotland  Yard?"  said  he. 

"  That's  our  affair,  my  lord." 

"  I  didn't  think  they'd  got  it  in  them," 
said  Lord  Ernest.  ''  Now  I  recognise  you. 
You're  my  interviewer.  No,  I  didn't  think 
any  of  you  fellows  had  got  all  that  in  you. 
Come  into  the  other  room,  and  I'll  show 
you  something  else.  Oh,  keep  me  covered 
by  all  means.    But  look  at  this !  " 

On  the  antique  sideboard,  their  size 
doubled  by  reflection  in  the  polished  ma- 
hogany, lay  a  coruscating  cluster  of  pre- 
cious stones,  that  fell  in  festoons  about 
i68 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

Lord  Ernest's  fingers  as  he  handed  them 
to  Raffles  with  scarcely  a  shrug. 

"  The  Kirkleatham  diamonds,"  said  he. 
"  Better  add  'em  to  the  bag." 

Raffles  did  so  without  a  smile;  with  his 
overcoat  buttoned  up  to  the  chin,  his  tall 
hat  pressed  down  to  his  eyes,  and  between 
the  two  his  incisive  features  and  his  keen, 
stern  glance,  he  looked  the  ideal  detective 
of  fiction  and  the  stage.  What  /  looked 
God  knows,  but  I  did  my  best  to  glower 
and  show  my  teeth  at  his  side.  I  had 
thrown  myself  into  the  game,  and  it  was 
obviously  a  winning  one. 

"  Wouldn't  take  a  share,  I  suppose  ?  '* 
Lord  Ernest  said  casually. 

Raffles  did  not  condescend  to  reply.  I 
rolled  back  my  lips  like  a  bull-pup. 

"  Then  a  drink,  at  least !  " 

My  mouth  watered,  but  Raffles  shook 
his  head  impatiently. 

"  We  must  be  going,  my  lord,  and  you 
will  have  to  come  with  us." 

I  wondered  what  in  the  world  we  should 
do  with  him  when  we  had  got  him. 

"  Give  me  time  to  put  some  things  to- 
169 


Raffles 

gather?  Pair  of  pajamas  and  tooth-brusH, 
don't  you  know  ?  " 

*'  I  cannot  give  you  many  minutes,  my 
lord,  but  I  don't  want  to  cause  a  disturb- 
ance here,  so  I'll  tell  them  to  call  a  cab 
if  you  like.  But  I  shall  be  back  in  a  mm- 
ute^  and  you  must  be  ready  in  five.  Here, 
inspector,  you'd  better  keep  this  while  I 
am  gone." 

And  I  was  left  alone  with  that  dangerous 
criminal !  Raffles  nipped  my  arm  as  he 
handed  me  the  revolver,  but  I  got  small 
comfort  out  of  that. 

"  *  Sea-green  Incorruptible  ?  '  "  inquired 
Lord  Ernest  as  we  stood  face  to  face. 

"  You  don't  corrupt  me,"  I  replied 
through  naked  teeth. 

"  Then  come  into  my  room.  I'll  lead 
the  way.  Think  you  can  hit  me  if  I  mis- 
behave ?  " 

I  put  the  bed  between  us  without  a 
second's  delay.  My  prisoner  flung  a  suit- 
case upon  it,  and  tossed  things  into  it 
with  a  dejected  air;  suddenly,  as  he  was 
fitting  them  in,  without  raising  his  head 
(which  I  was  watching),  his  right  hand 
170 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

closed  over  the  barrel  with  which  I  cov- 
ered him. 

"  You'd  better  not  shoot,"  he  said,  a 
knee  upon  his  side  of  the  bed ;  "  if  you  do 
it  may  be  as  bad  for  you  as  it  will  be  for 
me!" 

I  tried  to  wrest  the  revolver  from  him. 

"  I  will  if  you  force  me,"  I  hissed. 

"  You'd  better  not,"  he  repeated,  smil- 
ing; and  now  I  saw  that  if  I  did  I  should 
only  shoot  into  the  bed  or  my  own  legs. 
His  hand  was  on  the  top  of  mine,  bending 
it  down,  and  the  revolver  with  it.  The 
strength  of  it  was  as  the  strength  of  ten 
of  mine ;  and  now  both  his  knees  were  on 
the  bed;  and  suddenly  I  saw  his  other 
hand,  doubled  into  a  fist,  coming  up  slowly 
over  the  suit-case. 

"  Help !  "  I  called  feebly. 

"  Help,  forsooth  !  I  begin  to  believe  you 
are  from  the  Yard,"  he  said  —  and  his 
upper-cut  came  with  the  ''  yard."  It  caught 
me  under  the  chin.  It  Hfted  me  oflF  my 
legs.  I  have  a  dim  recollection  of  the 
crash  that  I  made  in  falling. 


I7X 


Raffles 

III 

Raffles  was  standing  over  me  when  I 
recovered  consciousness.  I  lay  stretched 
upon  the  bed  across  which  that  black- 
guard Belville  had  struck  his  knavish 
blow.  The  suit-case  was  on  the  floor,  but 
its  dastardly  owner  had  disappeared. 

"  Is  he  gone  ?  "  was  my  first  faint  ques- 
tion. 

''  Thank  God  you're  not,  anyway !  "  re- 
plied Raffles,  with  what  struck  me  then  as 
mere  flippancy.  I  managed  to  raise  my- 
self upon  one  elbow. 

"  I  meant  Lord  Ernest  Belville,"  said  I 
with  dignity.  "  Are  you  quite  sure  that 
he's  cleared  out?  " 

Raffles  waved  a  hand  towards  the  win- 
dow, which  stood  wide  open  to  the  sum- 
mer stars. 

"  Of  course,"  said  he,  "  and  by  the  route 
I  intended  him  to  take;  he's  gone  by  the 
iron  ladder,  as  I  hoped  he  would.  What 
on  earth  should  we  have  done  with  him? 
My  poor  dear  Bunny,  I  thought  you'd 
take  a  bribe !  But  it's  really  more  convinc- 
172 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

ing  as  it  is,  and  just  as  well  for  Lord  Er- 
nest to  be  convinced  for  the  time  being/' 

"  Are  you  sure  he  is  ?  "  I  questioned,  as 
I  found  a  rather  shaky  pair  of  legs. 

"  Of  course !  "  cried  Raffles  again,  in  the 
tone  to  make  one  blush  for  the  least  mis- 
giving on  the  point.  "  Not  that  it  matters 
one  bit,"  he  added,  airily,  "  for  we  have 
him  either  way ;  and  when  he  does  tumble 
to  it,  as  he  may  any  minute,  he  won't  dare 
to  open  his  mouth." 

"  Then  the  sooner  we  clear  out  the  bet- 
ter," said  I,  but  I  looked  askance  at  the 
open  window,  for  my  head  was  spinning 
still. 

*'  When  you  feel  up  to  it,"  returned 
Raffles,  "  we  shall  stroll  out,  and  I  shall  do 
myself  the  honour  of  ringing  for  the  lift. 
The  force  of  habit  is  too  strong  in  you, 
Bunny.  I  shall  shut  the  window  and  leave 
everything  exactly  as  we  found  it.  Lord 
Ernest  will  probably  tumble  before  he  is 
badly  missed ;  and  then  he  may  come  back 
to  put  salt  on  us ;  but  I  should  like  to 
know  what  he  can  do  even  if  he  succeeds ! 
Come,  Bunny,  pull  yourself  together,  and 
173 


Raffles 

you'll  be  a  different  man  when  youVe  in 
the  open  air." 

And  for  a  while  I  felt  one,  such  was  my 
relief  at  getting  out  of  those  infernal  man- 
sions with  unfettered  wrists ;  this  we  man- 
aged easily  enough;  but  once  more  Raf- 
fles's  performance  of  a  small  part  was  no 
less  perfect  than  his  more  ambitious  work 
upstairs,  and  something  of  the  successful 
artist's  elation  possessed  him  as  we  walked 
arm-in-arm  across  St.  James's  Park.  It 
was  long  since  I  had  known  him  so  pleased 
with  himself,  and  only  too  long  since  he 
had  had  such  reason. 

"  I  don't  think  I  ever  had  a  brighter 
idea  in  my  Hfe,"  he  said ;  "  never  thought 
of  it  till  he  was  in  the  next  room ;  never 
dreamt  of  its  coming  off  so  ideally  even 
then,  and  didn't  much  care,  because  we 
had  him  all  ways  up.  I'm  only  sorry  you 
let  him  knock  you  out.  I  was  waiting  out- 
side the  door  all  the  time,  and  it  made  me 
sick  to  hear  it.  But  I  once  broke  my  own 
head.  Bunny,  if  you  remember,  and  not  in 
half  such  an  excellent  cause !  " 

Raffles  touched  all  his  pockets  in  his 
174 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

turn,  the  pockets  that  contained  a  small 
fortune  apiece,  and  he  smiled  in  my  face  as 
we  crossed  the  Hghted  avenues  of  the  Mall. 
Next  moment  he  was  hailing  a  hansom — 
for  I  suppose  I  was  still  pretty  pale — and 
not  a  word  would  he  let  me  speak  until  we 
had  alighted  as  near  as  was  prudent  to  the 
flat. 

"  What  a  brute  I've  been,  Bunny  I  "  he 
whispered  then ;  "  but  you  take  half  the 
swag,  old  boy,  and  right  well  you've 
earned  it.  No,  we'll  go  in  by  the  wrong 
door  and  over  the  roof;  it's  too  late  for 
old  Theobald  to  be  still  at  the  play,  and 
too  early  for  him  to  be  safely  in  his  cups." 

So  we  climbed  the  many  stairs  with  cat- 
Hke  stealth,  and  like  cats  crept  out  upon 
the  grimy  leads.  But  to-night  they  were 
no  blacker  than  their  canopy  of  sky;  not 
a  chimney-stack  stood  out  against  the  star- 
less night;  one  had  to  feel  one's  way  in 
order  to  avoid  tripping  over  the  low  para- 
pets of  the  L-shaped  wells  that  ran  from 
roof  to  basement  to  light  the  inner  rooms. 
One  oi  these  wells  was  spanned  by  a 
flimsy  bridge  with  iron  handrail?  that  fell 


Raffles 

warm  to  the  touch  as  Rafifles  led  the  way 
across ;  a  hotter  and  a  closer  night  I  have 
never  known. 

"  The  flat  will  be  like  an  oven,"  I  grum- 
bled, at  the  head  of  our  own  staircase. 

"  Then  we  won't  go  down,"  said  Raffles, 
promptly ;  "  we'll  slack  it  up  here  for  a  bit 
instead.  No,  Bunny,  you  stay  where  you 
are!  I'll  fetch  you  a  drink  and  a  deck- 
chair,  and  you  shan't  come  down  till  you 
feel  more  fit." 

And  I  let  him  have  his  way,  I  will  not 
say  as  usual,  for  I  had  even  less  than  my 
normal  power  of  resistance  that  night. 
That  villainous  upper-cut !  My  head  still 
sang  and  throbbed,  as  I  seated  myself  on 
one  of  the  aforesaid  parapets,  and  buried 
it  in  my  hot  hands.  Nor  was  the  night 
one  to  dispel  a  headache;  there  was  dis- 
tinct thunder  in  the  air.  Thus  I  sat  in  a 
heap,  and  brooded  over  my  misadventure, 
a  pretty  figure  of  a  subordinate  villain,  un- 
til the  step  came  for  which  I  waited;  and 
it  never  struck  me  that  it  came  from  the 
wrong  direction. 

**  You  have  been  quick,"  said  I,  simply. 
176 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

"Yes,"  hissed  a  voice  I  recognised; 
"  and  you've  got  to  be  quicker  still !  Here, 
out  with  your  wrists;  no,  one  at  a  time; 
and  if  you  utter  a  syllable  you're  a  dead 
man." 

It  was  Lord  Ernest  Belville;  his  close- 
cropped,  iron  -  grey  moustache  gleamed 
through  the  darkness,  drawn  up  over  his 
set  teeth.  In  his  hand  glittered  a  pair  of 
handcuffs,  and  before  I  knew  it  one  had 
snapped  its  jaws  about  my  right  wrist. 

"  Now  come  this  way,"  said  Lord  Er- 
nest, showing  me  a  revolver  also,  "  and 
wait  for  your  friend.  And,  recollect,  a 
single  syllable  of  warning  will  be  your 
death !  " 

With  that  the  rufhan  led  me  to  the  very 
bridge  I  had  just  crossed  at  Raffles's  heels, 
and  handcuffed  me  to  the  iron  rail  mid- 
way across  the  chasm.  It  no  longer  felt 
warm  to  my  touch,  but  icy  as  the  blood  in 
all  my  veins. 

So  this  high-born  hypocrite  had  beaten 

us    at    our    game    and    his,    and    Raffles 

had   met   his   match   at    last!     That   was 

the  most  intolerable  thought,  that  Raffles 

177 


.  Raffles 

should  be  down  in  the  flat  on  my  account, 
and  that  I  could  not  wari^L  him  of  his  im- 
pending fate;  for  how  was  it  possible 
without  making  such  an  outcry  as  should 
bring  the  mansions  about  our  ears?  And 
there  I  shivered  on  that  wretched  plank, 
chained  like  Andromeda  to  the  rock,  with 
a  black  infinity  above  and  below ;  and  be- 
fore my  eyes,  no  .  grown  familiar  with  the 
peculiar  darkness,  stood  Lord  Ernest  Bel- 
ville,  waiting  for  Raffles  to  emerge  with 
full  hands  and  unsuspecting  heart !  Taken 
so  horribly  unawares,  even  Raffles  must 
fall  an  easy  prey  to  a  desperado  in  resource 
and  courage  scarcely  second  to  himself, 
but  one  whom  he  had  fatally  underrated 
from  the  beginning.  Not  that  I  paused  to 
think  how  the  thing  had  happened;  my 
one  concern  was  for  what  was  to  happen 
next. 

And  what  did  happen  was  worse  than 
my  worst  foreboding,  for  first  a  light  came 
flickering  into  the  sort  of  companion-hatch 
at  the  head  of  the  stairs,  and  finally  Raffles 
— in  his  shirt-sleeves!  He  was  not  only 
carrying  a  candle  to  put  the  finishing  touch 
178 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

to  him  as  a  targ-et ;  he  had  dispensed  with 
coat  and  waistcoat  downstairs,  and  was  at 
once  full-handed  and  unarmed. 

"  Where  are  you,  old  chap  ?  "  he  cried 
softly,  himself  blinded  by  the  light  he  car- 
ried; and  he  advanced  a  couple  of  steps 
towards  Belville.    "This  isn't  you,  is  it?" 

And  RafBes  stopped,  his  candle  held  on 
high,  a  folding  chair  under  the  other  arm. 

"  No,  I  am  not  your  friend,"  replied 
Lord  Ernest,  easily ;  "  but  kindly  remain 
standing  exactly  where  you  are,  and  don't 
lower  that  candle  an  inch,  unless  you  want 
your  brains  blown  into  the  street." 

Raffles  said  never  a  word,  but  for  a 
moment  did  as  he  was  bid;  and  the  un- 
shaken flame  of  the  candle  was  testimony 
alike  to  the  stillness  of  the  night  and  to 
the  finest  set  of  nerves  in  Europe.  Then, 
to  my  horror,  he  coolly  stooped,  placing 
candle  and  chair  on  the  leads,  and  his 
hands  in  his  pockets,  as  though  it  were  but 
a  pop-gun  that  covered  him. 

"Why  didn't  you  shoot?"  he  asked  in- 
solently as  he  rose.  "  Frightened  of  the 
noise?  I  should  be,  too,  with  an  old- 
179 


Raffles 

pattern  machine  like  that.  All  very  well 
for  service  in  the  field — but  on  the  house- 
tops at  dead  of  night !  " 

"  I  shall  shoot,  however,"  replied  Lord 
Ernest,  as  quietly  in  his  turn,  and  with  less 
insolence,  '*  and  chance  the  noise,  unless 
you  instantly  restore  my  property.  I  am 
glad  you  don't  dispute  the  last  word,"  he 
continued  after  a  slight  pause.  "  There  is 
no  keener  honour  than  that  which  subsists, 
or  ought  to  subsist,  among  thieves ;  and  I 
need  hardly  say  that  I  soon  spotted  you 
as  one  of  the  fraternity.  Not  in  the  be- 
ginning, mind  you !  For  the  moment  I 
did  think  you  were  one  of  these  smart  de- 
tectives jumped  to  life  from  some  sixpenny 
magazine ;  but  to  preserve  the  illusion  you 
ought  to  provide  yourself  with  a  worthier 
lieutenant.  It  was  he  who  gave  your  show 
away,"  chuckled  the  wretch,  dropping  for 
a  moment  the  affected  style  of  speech 
which  seemed  intended  to  enchance  our 
humiliation ;  "  smart  detectives  don't  go 
about  with  little  innocents  to  assist  them. 
You  needn't  be  anxious  about  him,  by  the 
way;  it  wasn't  necessary  to  pitch  him  into 
i8o 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

the  street;  he  is  to  be  seen  though  not 
heard,  if  you  look  in  the  right  direction. 
Nor  must  you  put  all  the  blame  upon  your 
friend;  it  was  not  he,  but  you,  who  made 
so  sure  that  I  had  got  out  by  the  window. 
You  see,  I  was  in  my  bath-room  all  the 
time — with  the  door  open." 

"  The  bath-room,  eh  ?  "  Raffles  echoed 
with  professional  interest.  "  And  you  fol- 
lowed us  on  foot  across  the  park  ?  " 

"  Of  course." 

"  And  then  in  a  cab  ?  " 

"  And  afterwards  on  foot  once  more." 

"  The  simplest  skeleton  would  let  you 
in  down  below." 

I  saw  the  lower  half  of  Lord  Ernest's 
face  grinning  in  the  light  of  the  candle  set 
between  them  on  the  ground. 

"  You  follow  every  move,"  said  he ; 
"  there  can  be  no  doubt  you  are  one  of  the 
fraternity;  and  I  shouldn't  wonder  if  we 
had  formed  our  style  upon  the  same  model. 
Ever  know  A.  J.  Raffles  ?  " 

The   abrupt    question    took    my    breath 
away ;   but  Raffles  himself  did  not  lose  an 
instant  over  his  answer. 
i8i 


Raffles 

"  Intimately,"  said  he. 

"  That  accounts  for  you,  then,"  laughed 
Lord  Ernest,  "  as  it  does  for  me,  though 
I  never  had  the  honour  of  the  master's 
acquaintance.  Nor  is  it  for  me  to  say 
which  is  the  worthier  disciple.  Perhaps, 
however,  now  that  your  friend  is  hand- 
cuffed in  mid-air,  and  you  yourself  are  at 
my  mercy,  you  will  concede  me  some 
little  temporary  advantage  ?  " 

And  his  face  split  in  another  grin  from 
the  cropped  moustache  downward,  as  I 
saw  no  longer  by  candle-Hght,  but  by  a 
flash  of  lightning  which  tore  the  sky  in 
two  before  Raffles  could  reply. 

"  You  have  the  bulge  at  present,"  ad- 
mitted Raffles ;  "  but  you  have  still  to  lay 
hands  upon  your,  oi  our,  ill-gotten  goods. 
To  shoot  me  is  not  necessarily  to  do  so; 
to  bring  either  one  of  us  to  a  violent  end 
is  only  to  court  a  yet  more  violent  and  in- 
finitely more  disgraceful  one  for  yourself. 
Family  considerations  alone  should  rule 
that  risk  out  of  your  game.  Now,  an  hour 
or  two  ago,  when  the  exact  opposite " 

The  remainder  of  Raffles's  speech  was 
182 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

drowned  from  my  ears  by  the  belated 
crash  of  thunder  which  the  lightning  had 
foretold.  So  loud,  however,  was  the  crash 
when  it  came,  that  the  storm  was  evidently 
approaching  us  at  a  high  velocity;  yet 
as  the  last  echo  rumbled  away,  I  heard 
Raffles  talking  as  though  he  had  never 
stopped. 

"  You  offered  us  a  share,"  he  was  say- 
ing; "unless  you  mean  to  murder  us  both 
in  cold  blood,  it  will  be  worth  your  while 
to  repeat  that  ofifer.  We  should  be  dan- 
gerous enemies ;  you  had  far  better  make 
the  best  of  us  as  friends." 

"  Lead  the  way  down  to  your  flat,"  said 
Lord  Ernest,  with  a  flourish  of  his  service 
revolver,  "  and  perhaps  we  may  talk  about 
it.  It  is  for  me  to  make  the  terms,  I 
imagine,  and  in  the  first  place  I  am  not 
going  to  get  wet  to  the  skin  up  here." 

The  rain  was  beginning  in  great  drops, 
even  as  he  spoke,  and  by  a  second  flash  of 
lightning  I  saw  Raffles  pointing  to  me. 

"  But  what  about  my  friend  ?  "  said  he. 

And  then  came  the  second  peal. 

"  Oh,  he's  all  right,"  the  great  brute  re- 

183 


Raffles 

plied ;  "  do  him  good !  You  don't  catch 
me  letting  myself  in  for  two  to  one !  " 

"  You  will  find  it  equally  difficult,"  re- 
joined RafHes,  "to  induce  me  to  leave  my 
friend  to  the  mercy  of  a  night  like  this. 
He  has  not  recovered  from  the  blow  you 
struck  him  in  your  own  rooms.  I  am  not 
such  a  fool  as  to  blame  you  for  that,  but 
you  are  a  worse  sportsman  than  I  take 
you  for  if  you  think  of  leaving  him  where 
he  is.    If  he  stays,  however,  so  do  I." 

And,  just  as  it  ceased,  Raffles's  voice 
seemed  distinctly  nearer  to  me ;  but  in  the 
darkness  and  the  rain,  which  was  now  as 
heavy  as  hail,  I  could  see  nothing  clearly. 
The  rain  had  already  extinguished  the  can- 
dle. I  heard  an  oath  from  Belville,  a  laugh 
from  Rafifles,  and  for  a  second  that  was  all. 
Rafifles  was  coming  to  me,  and  the  other 
could  not  even  see  to  fire;  that  was  all  I 
knew  in  the  pitchy  interval  of  invisible  rain 
before  the  next  crash  and  the  next  flash. 

And  then ! 

This  time  they  came  together,  and  not 
till  my  dying  hour  shall  I  forget  the  sight 
that  the  lightning  lit  and  the  thunder 
184 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

applauded.  Raffles  was  on  or-^  of  the 
parapets  of  the  gulf  that  my  foot-bridge 
spanned,  and  in  the  sudden  illumination  he 
stepped  across  it  as  one  might  across  a 
garden  path.  The  width  was  scarcely 
greater,  but  the  depth!  In  the  sudden 
flare  I  saw  to  the  concrete  bottom  of  the 
well,  and  it  looked  no  larger  than  the  hol- 
low of  my  hand.  Raffles  was  laughing  in 
my  ear;  he  had  the  iron  raiHng  fast;  it 
was  between  us,  but  his  foothold  was  as 
secure  as  mine.  Lord  Ernest  Belville,  on 
the  contrary,  was  the  hfth  of  a  second  late 
for  the  light,  and  half  a  foot  short  in  his 
spring.  Something  struck  our  plank  bridge 
so  hard  as  to  set  it  quivering  Hke  a  harp- 
string;  there  was  half  a  gasp  and  half  a 
sob  in  mid-air  beneath  our  feet ;  and  then 
a  sound  far  below  that  I  prefer  not  to  de- 
scribe. I  am  not  sure  that  I  could  hit 
upon  the  perfect  simile;  it  is  more  than 
enough  for  me  that  I  can  hear  it  still.  And 
with  that  sickening  sound  came  the  loud- 
est clap  of  thunder  yet,  and  a  great  white 
glare  that  showed  us  our  enemy's  body 
far  below,  with  one  white  hand  spread  like 
x8s 


Raffles 

a  starfish,  but  the  head  of  him  mercifully 
twisted  underneath. 

"  It  was  his  own  fault,  Bunny.  Poor 
devil !  May  he  and  all  of  us  be  forgiven ; 
but  pull  yourself  together  for  your  own 
sake.  Well,  you  can't  fall;  stay  where 
you  are  a  minute." 

I  remember  the  uproar  of  the  elements 
while  Raffles  was  gone;  no  other  sound 
mingled  with  it;  not  the  opening  of  a 
single  window,  not  the  uplifting  of  a  single 
voice.  Then  came  Raffles  with  soap  and 
water,  and  the  gyve  was  wheedled  from 
one  wrist,  as  you  withdraw  a  ring  for 
which  the  finger  has  grown  too  large.  Of 
the  rest,  I  only  remember  shivering  till 
morning  in  a  pitch-dark  flat,  whose  invalid 
occupier  was  for  once  the  nurse,  and  I  his 
patient. 

And  that  is  the  true  ending  of  the  epi- 
sode in  which  we  two  set  ourselves  to 
catch  one  of  our  own  kidney,  albeit  in  an- 
other place  I  have  shirked  the  whole  truth. 
It  is  not  a  grateful  task  to  show  Raffles  as 
completely  at  fault  as  he  really  was  on  that 
occasion ;  nor  do  I  derive  any  subtle  satis- 
i86 


To  Catch  a  Thief 

faction  from  recounting  my  own  twofold 
humiliation,  or  from  having  assisted  never 
so  indirectly  in  the  death  of  a  not  uncon- 
genial sinner.  The  truth,  however,  has 
after  all  a  merit  of  its  own,  and  the  great 
kinsfolk  of  poor  Lord  Ernest  have  but  lit- 
tle to  lose  by  its  divulgence.  It  would 
seem  that  they  knew  more  of  the  real  char- 
acter of  the  apostle  of  Rational  Drink 
than  was  known  at  Exeter  Hall.  The 
tragedy  was  indeed  hushed  up,  as  tragedies 
only  are  when  they  occur  in  such  circles. 
But  the  rumour  that  did  get  abroad,  as  to 
the  class  of  enterprise  which  the  poor 
scamp  was  pursuing  when  he  met  his 
death,  cannot  be  too  soon  exploded,  since 
it  breathed  upon  the  fair  fame  of  some  of 
the  most  respectable  flats  in  Kensington. 


187 


AN   OLD  FLAME 


THE  square  shall  be  nameless,  but  if 
you  drive  due  west  from  Piccadilly  the 
cabman  will  eventually  find  it  on  his  left, 
and  he  ought  to  thank  you  for  two  shil- 
lings. It  is  not  a  fashionable  square,  but 
there  are  few  with  a  finer  garden,  while 
the  studios  on  the  south  side  lend  distinc- 
tion of  another  sort.  The  houses,  however, 
are  small  and  dingy,  and  about  the  last  to 
attract  the  expert  practitioner  in  search  of 
a  crib.  Heaven  knows  it  was  with  no  such 
thought  I  trailed  Raffies  thither,  one  un- 
lucky evening  at  the  latter  end  of  that 
same  season,  when  Dr.  Theobald  had  at 
last  insisted  upon  the  bath-chair  which  I 
had  foreseen  in  the  beginning.  Trees 
whispered  in  the  green  garden  aforesaid, 
and  the  cool  smooth  lawns  looked  so  in- 
viting that  I  wondered  whether  some  phil- 
i88 


An  Old  Flame 

anthropic  resident  could  not  be  induced  to 
lend  us  the  key.  But  Raffles  would  not 
listen  to  the  suggestion,  when  I  stopped  to 
make  it,  and  what  was  worse,  I  found  him 
looking  wistfully  at  the  little  houses  in- 
stead. 

"  Such  balconies,  Bunny !  A  leg  up, 
and  there  you  would  be !  " 

I  expressed  a  conviction  that  there  would 
be  nothing  worth  taking  in  the  square,  but 
took  care  to  have  him  under  way  again  as 
I  spoke. 

"  I  daresay  you're  right,"  sighed  Raf- 
fles. "  Rings  and  watches,  I  suppose,  but 
it  would  be  hard  luck  to  take  them  from 
people  who  Hve  in  houses  like  these.  I 
don't  know,  though.  Here's  one  with  an 
extra  story.  Stop,  Bunny;  if  you  don't 
stop  I'll  hold  on  to  the  railings !  This  is 
a  good  house;  look  at  the  knocker  and 
the  electric  bell.  They've  had  that  put  in. 
There's  some  money  here,  my  rabbit !  I 
dare  bet  there's  a  silver-table  in  the  draw- 
ing-room ;  and  the  windows  are  wide  open. 
Electric  light,  too,  by  Jove ! " 

Since  stop  I  must,  I  had  done  so  on  the 
189 


Raffles 

other  side  of  the  road,  in  the  shadow  of 
the  leafy  palings,  and  as  Raffles  spoke  the 
ground-floor  windows  opposite  had  flown 
alight,  showing  as  pretty  a  little  dinner- 
table  as  one  could  wish  to  see,  with  a  man 
at  his  wine  at  the  far  end,  and  the  back  of 
a  lady  in  evening  dress  toward  us.  It 
was  like  a  lantern-picture  thrown  upon  a 
screen.  There  were  only  the  pair  of  them, 
but  the  table  was  brilliant  with  silver  and 
gay  with  flowers,  and  the  maid  waited  with 
the  indefinable  air  of  a  good  servant.  It 
certainly  seemed  a  good  house. 

"  She's  going  to  let  down  the  blind ! " 
whispered  Raffles,  in  high  excitement. 
"  No,  confound  them,  they've  told  her  not 
to.  Mark  down  her  necklace.  Bunny,  and 
invoice  his  stud.  What  a  brute  he  looks ! 
But  I  Hke  the  table,  and  that's  her  show. 
She  has  the  taste;  but  he  must  have 
money.  See  the  festive  picture  over  the 
sideboard?  Looks  to  me  Hke  a  Jacques 
Saillard.  But  that  silver-table  would  be 
good  enough  for  me." 

"  Get  on,"  said  I.  "  You're  in  a  bath- 
chair." 

190 


An  Old  Flame 

"But  the  whole  square's  at  dinner!  We 
should  have  the  ball  at  our  feet.  It 
wouldn't  take  two  twos !  " 

"  With  those  blinds  up,  and  the  cook  in 
the  kitchen  underneath  ?  " 

He  nodded,  leaning  forward  in  the  chair, 
his  hands  upon  the  wraps  about  his  legs. 

"  You  must  be  mad,"  said  I,  and  got 
back  to  my  handles  with  the  word,  but 
when  I  tugged  the  chair  ran  light. 

"  Keep  an  eye  on  the  rug,"  came  in  a 
whisper  from  the  middle  of  the  road ;  and 
there  stood  my  invalid,  his  pale  face  in  a 
quiver  of  pure  mischief,  yet  set  with  his 
insane  resolve.  "  I'm  only  going  to  see 
whether  that  woman  has  a  silver-table " 

"  We  don't  want  it " 

"  It  won't  take  a  minute " 

"  It's  madness,  madness " 

"  Then  don't  you  wait !  " 

It  was  like  him  to  leave  me  with  that, 
and  this  time  I  had  taken  him  at  his  last 
word,  had  not  my  own  given  me  an  idea. 
Mad  I  had  called  him,  and  mad  I  could 
declare  him  upon  oath  if  necessary.  It 
was  not  as  though  the  thing  had  happened 
191 


Raffles 

far  from  home.  They  could  learn  all  about 
us  at  the  nearest  mansions.  I  referred 
them  to  Dr.  Theobald;  this  was  a  Mr. 
Maturin,  one  of  his  patients,  and  I  was  his 
keeper,  and  he  had  never  given  me  the 
slip  before.  I  heard  myself  making  these 
explanations  on  the  doorstep,  and  point- 
ing to  the  deserted  bath-chair  as  the  proof, 
while  the  pretty  parlour-maid  ran  for  the 
poHce.  It  would  be  a  more  serious  matter 
for  me  than  for  my  charge.  I  should  lose 
my  place.  No,  he  had  never  done  such  a 
thing  before,  and  I  would  answer  for  it 
that  he  never  should  again. 

I  saw  myself  conducting  Raffles  back  to 
his  chair,  with  a  firm  hand  and  a  stern 
tongue.  I  heard  him  thanking  me  in  whis- 
pers on  the  way  home.  It  would  be  the 
first  tight  place  I  had  ever  got  him  out 
of,  and  I  was  quite  anxious  for  him  to  get 
into  it,  so  sure  was  I  of  every  move.  My 
whole  position  had  altered  in  the  few  sec- 
onds that  it  took  me  to  follow  this  illu- 
minating train  of  ideas;  it  was  now  so 
strong  that  I  could  watch  Rafifles  without 
much  anxiety.  And  he  was  worth  watch- 
ing. 

192 


An  Old  Flame 

He  had  stepped  boldly  but  softly  to  the 
front  door,  and  there  he  was  still  waiting*, 
ready  to  ring  if  the  door  opened  or  a  face 
appeared  in  the  area,  and  doubtless  to  pre- 
tend that  he  had  rung  already.  But  he 
had  not  to  ring  at  all ;  and  suddenly  I  saw 
his  foot  in  the  letter-box,  his  left  hand  on 
the  lintel  overhead.  It  was  thrilling,  even 
to  a  hardened  accomplice  with  an  explana- 
tion up  his  sleeve !  A  tight  grip  with  that 
left  hand  of  his,  as  he  leant  backward  with 
all  his  weight  upon  those  five  fingers ;  a 
right  arm  stretched  outward  and  upward 
to  its  last  inch;  and  the  base  of  the  low, 
projecting  balcony  was  safely  caught. 

I  looked  down  and  took  breath.  The 
maid  was  removing  the  crumbs  in  the 
lighted  room,  and  the  square  was  empty 
as  before.  What  a  blessing  it  was  the  end 
of  the  season !  Many  of  the  houses  re- 
mained in  darkness.  I  looked  up  again, 
and  Raffles  was  drawing  his  left  leg  over 
the  balcony  railing.  In  another  moment 
he  had  disappeared  through  one  of  the 
French  windows  which  opened  upon  the 
balcony,  and  in  yet  another  he  had 
193 


Raffles 

switched  on  the  electric  light  within.  This 
was  bad  enough,  for  now  I,  at  least,  could 
see  everything  he  did;  but  the  crowning 
folly  was  still  to  come.  There  was  no 
point  in  it;  the  mad  thing  was  done  for 
my  benefit,  as  I  knew  at  once  and  he 
afterwards  confessed;  but  the  lunatic  re- 
appeared on  the  balcony,  bowing  like  a 
mountebank — in  his  crape  mask! 

I  set  off  with  the  empty  chair,  but  I 
came  back.  I  could  not  desert  old  Raffles, 
even  when  I  would,  but  must  try  to  ex- 
plain away  his  mask  as  well,  if  he  had  not 
the  sense  to  take  it  off  in  time.  It  would 
be  difficult,  but  burglaries  are  not  usually 
committed  from  a  bath-chair,  and  for  the 
rest  I  put  my  faith  in  Dr.  Theobald. 
Meanwhile  Raffles  had  at  least  withdrawn 
from  the  balcony,  and  now  I  could  only 
see  his  head  as  he  peered  into  a  cabinet 
at  the  other  side  of  the  room.  It  was  like 
the  opera  of  A'ida,  in  which  two  scenes 
are  enacted  simultaneously,  one  in  the 
dungeon  below,  the  other  in  the  temple 
above.  In  the  same  fashion  my  attention 
now  became  divided  between  the  picture  of 
194 


An  Old  Flame 

Raffles  moving  stealthily  about  the  upper 
room,  and  that  of  the  husband  and  wife 
at  table  underneath.  And  all  at  once,  as 
the  man  replenished  his  glass  with  a  shrug 
of  the  shoulders,  the  woman  pushed  back 
her  chair  and  sailed  to  the  door. 

Raffles  was  standing  before  the  fireplace 
upstairs.  He  had  taken  one  of  the  framed 
photographs  from  the  chimney-piece,  and 
was  scanning  it  at  suicidal  length  through 
the  eye-holes  in  the  hideous  mask  which 
he  still  wore.  He  would  need  it  after  all. 
The  lady  had  left  the  room  below,  opening 
and  shutting  the  door  for  herself ;  the  man 
was  filling  his  glass  once  more.  I  would 
have  shrieked  my  warning  to  Raffles,  so 
fatally  engrossed  overhead,  but  at  this  mo- 
ment (of  all  others)  a  constable  (of  all 
men)  was  marching  sedately  down  our  side 
of  the  square.  There  was  nothing  for  it 
but  to  turn  a  melancholy  eye  upon  the 
bath-chair,  and  to  ask  the  constable  the 
time.  I  was  evidently  to  be  kept  there  all 
night,  I  remarked,  and  only  realised  with 
the  words  that  they  disposed  of  my  other 
explanations  before  they  were  uttered.  It 
195 


Raffles 

was  a  horrible  moment  for  such  a  dis- 
covery. Fortunately  the  enemy  was  on 
the  pavement,  from  which  he  could  scarce- 
ly have  seen  more  than  the  drawing-room 
ceiling,  had  he  looked;  but  he  was  not 
many  houses  distant  when  a  door  opened 
and  a  woman  gasped  so  that  I  heard  both 
across  the  road.  And  never  shall  I  forget 
the  subsequent  tableaux  in  the  lighted 
room  behind  the  low  balcony  and  the 
French  windows. 

Raffles  stood  confronted  by  a  dark  and 
handsome  woman  whose  profile,  as  I  saw 
it  first  in  the  electric  light,  is  cut  like  a 
cameo  in  my  memory.  It  had  the  undevi- 
ating  Hne  of  brow  and  nose,  the  short 
upper  lip,  the  perfect  chin,  that  are  united 
in  marble  oftener  than  in  the  flesh ;  and  like 
marble  she  stood,  or  rather  like  some  beau- 
tiful pale  bronze ;  for  that  was  her  colour- 
ing, and  she  lost  none  of  it  that  I  could 
see,  neither  trembled ;  but  her  bosom  rose 
and  fell,  and  that  was  all.  So  she  stood 
without  flinching  before  a  masked  ruffian, 
who,  I  felt,  would  be  the  first  to  appreciate 
her  courage;  to  me  it  was  so  superb  that 
196 


An  Old  Flame 

I  could  think  of  it  in  this  way  even  then, 
and  marvel  how  Raffles  himself  could  stand 
unabashed  before  so  brave  a  figure.  He 
had  not  to  do  so  long.  The  woman 
scorned  him,  and  he  stood  unmoved,  a 
framed  photograph  still  in  his  hand.  Then, 
with  a  quick,  determined  movement  she 
turned,  not  to  the  door  or  to  the  bell,  but 
to  the  open  window  by  which  Raffles  had 
entered;  and  this  with  that  accursed  po- 
liceman still  in  view.  So  far  no  word  had 
passed  between  the  pair.  But  at  this  point 
Raffles  said  something,  I  could  not  hear 
what,  but  at  the  sound  of  his  voice  the 
woman  wheeled.  And  Raffles  was  look- 
ing humbly  in  her  face,  the  crape  mask 
snatched  from  his  own. 

"  Arthur !  "  she  cried ;  and  that  might 
have  been  heard  in  the  middle  of  the 
square  garden. 

Then  they  stood  gazing  at  each  other, 
neither  unmoved  any  more,  and  while  they 
stood  the  street-door  opened  and  banged. 
It  was  the  husband  leaving  the  house,  a 
fine  figure  of  a  man,  but  a  dissipated  face, 
and  a  step  even  now  distinguished  by  the 
197 


Raffles 

extreme  caution  which  precedes  unsteadi- 
ness. He  broke  the  spell.  His  wife  came 
to  the  balcony,  then  looked  back  into  the 
room,  and  yet  again  along  the  road,  and 
this  time  I  saw  her  face.  It  was  the  face 
of  one  glancing  indeed  from  Hyperion  to 
a  satyr.  And  then  I  saw  the  rings  flash, 
as  her  hand  fell  gently  upon  Raffles's  arm. 

They  disappeared  from  that  window. 
Their  heads  showed  for  an  instant  in  the 
next.  Then  they  dipped  out  of  sight,  and 
an  inner  ceiling  flashed  out  under  a  new 
light;  they  had  gone  into  the  back  draw- 
ing-room, beyond  my  ken.  The  maid 
came  up  with  coffee,  her  mistress  hastily 
met  her  at  the  door,  and  once  more  dis- 
appeared. The  square  was  as  quiet  as 
ever.  I  remained  some  minutes  where  I 
was.  Now  and  then  I  thought  I  heard 
their  voices  in  the  back  drawing-room.  I 
was  seldom  sure. 

My  state  of  mind  may  be  imagined  by 
those  readers  who  take  an  interest  in  my 
personal  psychology.  It  does  not  amuse 
me  to  look  back  upon  it.  But  at  length  I 
had  the  sense  to  put  myself  in  Raffles'a 
198 


An  Old  Flame 

place.  He  had  been  recognised  at  last,  he 
had  come  to  life.  Only  one  person  knew 
as  yet,  but  that  person  was  a  woman,  and 
a  woman  who  had  once  been  fond  of  him, 
if  the  human  face  could  speak.  Would  she 
keep  his  secret?  Would  he  tell  her  where 
he  lived  ?  It  was  terrible  to  think  we  were 
such  neighbours,  and  with  the  thought  that 
it  was  terrible  came  a  little  enlightenment 
as  to  what  could  still  be  done  for  the  best. 
He  would  not  tell  her  where  he  Hved.  I 
knew  him  too  well  for  that.  He  would 
run  for  it  when  he  could,  and  the  bath- 
chair  and  I  must  not  be  there  to  give  him 
away.  I  dragged  the  infernal  vehicle  round 
the  nearer  corner.  Then  I  waited — there 
could  be  no  harm  in  that — and  at  last  he 
came. 

He  was  walking  briskly,  so  I  was  right, 
and  he  had  not  played  the  invaHd  to  her; 
yet  I  heard  him  cry  out  with  pleasure  as 
he  turned  the  corner,  and  he  flung  himself 
into  the  chair  with  a  long-drawn  sigh  that 
did  me  good. 

"  Well  done.  Bunny — well  done !  I  am 
on  my  way  to  Earl's  Court,  she's  capable 
199 


Raffles 

of  following  me,  but  she  won't  look  for  me 
in  a  bath-chair.  Home,  home,  home,  and 
not  another  word  till  we  get  there !  " 

Capable  of  following  him?  She  over- 
took us  before  we  were  past  the  studios  on 
the  south  side  of  the  square,  the  woman 
herself,  in  a  hooded  opera-cloak.  But  she 
never  gave  us  a  glance,  and  we  saw  her 
turn  safely  in  the  right  direction  for  Earl's 
Court,  and  the  wrong  one  for  our  humble 
mansions.  Raffles  thanked  his  gods  in  a 
voice  that  trembled,  and  five  minutes  later 
we  were  in  the  flat.  Then  for  once  it  was 
Raffles  who  filled  the  tumblers  and  found 
the  cigarettes,  and  for  once  (and  once  only 
in  all  my  knowledge  of  him)  did  he  drain 
his  glass  at  a  draught. 

"  You  didn't  see  the  balcony  scene  ?  "  he 
asked  at  length;  and  they  were  his  first 
words  since  the  woman  passed  us  on  his 
track. 

"  Do  you  mean  when  she  came  in?" 

"  No,  when  I  came  down." 

"  I  didn't." 

"  I  hope  nobody  else  saw  it,"  said  Raf- 
fles devoutly.  "  I  don't  say  that  Romeo 
200 


An  Old  Flame 

and  Juliet  were  brother  and  sister  to  us. 
But  you  might  have  said  so,  Bunny ! " 

He  was  staring  at  the  carpet  with  as  wry 
a  face  as  lever  ever  wore. 

"  An  old  flame  ?  "  said  I,  gently. 

"  A  married  woman,"  he  groaned. 

"  So  I  gathered." 

"  But  she  always  was  one,  Bunny,"  said 
he,  ruefully.  "That's  the  trouble.  It 
makes  all  the  difference  in  the  world !  " 

I  saw  the  difference,  but  said  I  did  not 
see  how  it  could  make  any  now.  He  had 
eluded  the  lady,  after  all ;  had  we  not  seen 
her  off  upon  a  scent  as  false  as  scent  could 
be?  There  was  occasion  for  redoubled 
caution  in  the  future,  but  none  for  im- 
mediate anxiety.  I  quoted  the  bedside 
Theobald,  but  Raffles  did  not  smile.  His 
eyes  had  been  downcast  all  this  time,  and 
now,  when  he  raised  them,  I  perceived  that 
my  comfort  had  been  administered  to  deaf 
ears. 

"  Do  you  know  who  she  is  ?  "  said  he. 
"  Not  from  Eve." 

"Jacques  Saillard,"  he  said,  as  though 
now  I  must  know. 

201 


Raffles 

But  the  name  left  me  cold  and  stolid.  I 
had  heard  it,  but  that  was  all.  It  was  lam- 
entable ignorance,  I  am  aware,  but  I  had 
specialised  in  Letters  at  the  expense  of 
Art. 

'*  You  must  know  her  pictures,"  said 
Raffles,  patiently ;  "  but  I  suppose  you 
thought  she  was  a  man.  They  would  ap- 
peal to  you.  Bunny ;  that  festive  piece  over 
the  sideboard  was  her  work.  Sometimes 
they  risk  her  at  the  Academy,  sometimes 
they  fight  shy.  She  has  one  of  those  stu- 
dios in  the  same  square ;  they  used  to  live 
up  near  Lord's." 

My  mind  was  busy  brightening  a  dim 
memory  of  nymphs  reflected  in  woody 
pools.  "  Of  course !  "  I  exclaimed,  and 
added  something  about  "  a  clever  woman.** 
Raffles  rose  at  the  phrase. 

"  A  clever  woman !  "  he  echoed,  scorn- 
fully ;  "  if  she  were  only  that  I  should  feel 
safe  as  houses.  Clever  women  can't  forget 
their  cleverness,  they  carry  it  as  badly  as 
a  boy  does  his  wine,  and  are  about  as  dan- 
gerous. I  don't  call  Jacques  Saillard  clever 
outside  her  art,  but  neither  do  I  call  her  a 

202 


An  Old  Flame 

woman  at  all.  She  does  man's  work'bver 
a  man's  name,  has  the  will  of  any  ten  men 
I  ever  knew,  and  I  don't  mind  telling  you 
that  I  fear  her  more  than  any  person  on 
God's  earth.  I  broke  with  her  once,"  said 
Raffles,  grimly,  "  but  I  know  her.  If  I  had 
been  asked  to  name  the  one  person  in 
London  by  whom  I  was  keenest  not  to  be 
bowled  out,  I  should  have  named  Jacques 
Saillard." 

That  he  had  never  before  named  her  to 
me  was  as  characteristic  as  the  reticence 
with  which  Raffles  spoke  of  their  past  re- 
lations, and  even  of  their  conversation  in 
the  back  drawing-room  that  evening;  it 
was  a  question  of  principle  with  him,  and 
one  that  I  like  to  remember.  "  Never  give 
a  woman  away.  Bunny,"  he  used  to  say; 
and  he  said  it  again  to-night,  but  with  a 
heavy  cloud  upon  him,  as  though  his  chiv- 
alry was  sorely  tried. 

"  That's  all  right,"  said  I,  "  if  you're  not 
going  to  be  given  away  yourself." 

"  That's  just  it,  Bunny !  That's  just " 

The  words  were  out  of  him,  it  was  too 

late  to  recall  them.    I  had  hit  the  nail  upon 

the  head. 

203 


Raffles 

"  So  she  threatened  you,"  I  said,  "  did 
she?" 

"  I  didn't  say  so,"  he  replied  coldly. 

"  And  she  is  mated  with  a  clown ! "  I 
pursued. 

"  How  she  ever  married  him,"  he  ad- 
mitted, "  is  a  mystery  to  me." 

"  It  always  is,"  said  I,  the  wise  man 
for   once,   and   rather   enjoying  the   role. 

"Southern  blood?" 

"  Spanish." 

"  She'll  be  pestering  you  to  run  off  with 
her,  old  chap,"  said  I. 

Raffles  was  pacing  the  room.  He 
stopped  in  his  stride  for  half  a  second.  So 
she  had  begun  pestering  him  already!  It 
is  wonderful  how  acute  any  fool  can  be  in 
the  affairs  of  his  friend.  But  Raffles  re- 
sumed his  walk  without  a  syllable,  and  I 
retreated  to  safer  ground. 

"  So  you  sent  her  to  Earl's  Court,"  I 
mused  aloud ;  and  at  last  he  smiled. 

"  You'll  be  interested  to  hear,  Bunny," 
said  he,  "  that  I'm  now  living  in  Seven 
Dials,  and  Bill  Sykes  couldn't  hold  a  farth- 
ing dip  to  me.  Bless  you,  she  had  my  old 
304 


An  Old  Flame 

police  record  at  her  fingers'  ends,  but  it 
was  fit  to  frame  compared  with  the  one  I 
gave  her.  I  had  sunk  as  low  as  they  dig. 
I  divided  my  nights  between  the  open 
parks  and  a  thieves'  kitchen  in  Seven  Dials. 
If  I  was  decently  dressed  it  was  because  I 
had  stolen  the  suit  down  the  Thames  Val- 
ley beat  the  night  before  last.  I  was  on 
my  way  back  when  first  that  sleepy  square, 
and  then  her  open  window,  proved  too 
much  for  me.  You  should  have  heard  me 
beg  her  to  let  me  push  on  to  the  devil  in 
my  own  way ;  there  I  spread  myself,  for  I 
meant  every  word;  but  I  swore  the  final 
stage  would  be  a  six-foot  drop." 

"  You  did  lay  it  on,"  said  I. 

**  It  was  necessary,  and  that  had  its  ef- 
fect. She  let  me  go.  But  at  the  last  mo- 
ment she  said  she  didn't  believe  I  was  so 
black  as  I  painted  myself,  and  then  there 
was  the  balcony  scene  you  missed." 

So  that  was  all.  I  could  not  help  telHng 
him  that  he  had  got  out  of  it  better  than 
he  deserved  for  ever  getting  in.  Next  mo- 
ment I  regretted  the  remark. 

"  If  I  have  got  out  of  it,"  said  Raffles, 
205 


Raffles 

'doubtfully.  "  We  are  dreadfully  near  neigh- 
bours, and  I  can't  move  in  a  minute,  with 
old  Theobald  taking  a  grave  view  of  my 
case.  I  suppose  I  had  better  lie  low,  and 
thank  the  gods  again  for  putting  her  off 
the  scent  for  the  time  being." 

No  doubt  our  conversation  was  carried 
beyond  this  point,  but  it  certainly  was  not 
many  minutes  later,  nor  had  we  left  the 
subject,  when  the  electric  bell  thrilled  us 
both  to  a  sudden  silence. 

"  The  doctor  ?  "  I  queried,  hope  fighting 
with  my  horror. 

"  It  was  a  single  ring." 

"The  last  post?" 

"  You  know  he  knocks,  and  it's  long 
past  his  time." 

The  electric  bell  rang  again,  but  now  as 
though  it  never  wo  ild  stop. 

"  You  go,  Bunny,"  said  Raffles,  with  de- 
cision. His  eyes  were  sparkling.  His 
smile  was  firm. 

"What  am  I  to  say?" 

"  If  it's  the  lady  let  her  in." 

It  was  the  lady,  still  in  her  evening  cloak, 
with  her  fine  dark  head  half-hidden  by  the 
206 


An  Old  Flame 

hood,  and  an  engaging  contempt  of  ap- 
pearances upon  her  angry  face.  She  was 
even  handsomer  than  I  had  thought,  and 
her  beauty  of  a  bolder  type,  but  she  was 
also  angrier  than  I  had  anticipated  when  I 
came  so  readily  to  the  door.  The  passage 
into  which  it  opened  was  an  exceedingly 
narrow  one,  as  I  have  often  said,  but  I 
never  dreamt  of  barring  this  woman's  way, 
though  not  a  word  did  she  stoop  to  say  to 
me.  I  was  only  too  glad  to  flatten  myself 
against  the  wall,  as  the  rustling  fury  strode 
past  me  into  the  Hghted  room  with  the 
open  door. 

"  So  this  is  your  thieves'  kitchen !  "  she 
cried,  in  high-pitched  scorn. 

I  was  on  the  threshold  myself,  and  Raf- 
fles glanced  toward  me  with  raised  eye- 
brows. ,, 

"  I  have  certainly  had  better  quarters  in 
my  day,"  said  he,  "  but  you  need  not  call 
them  absurd  names  before  my  man," 

"  Then  send  your  *  man  '  about  his  busi- 
ness," said  Jacques  Saillard,  with  an  un- 
pleasant stress  upon  the  word  indicated. 

But  when  the  door  was  shut  I  heard 
207 


Raffles 

Raffles  assuring  her  that  I  knew  nothing, 
that  he  was  a  real  invalid  overcome  by  a 
sudden  mad  temptation,  and  all  he  had 
told  her  of  his  life  a  lie  to  hide  his  where- 
abouts, but  all  he  was  telling  her  now  she 
could  prove  for  herself  without  leaving  that 
building.  It  seemed,  however,  that  she 
had  proved  it  already  by  going  first  to  the 
porter  below  stairs.  Yet  I  do  not  think  she 
cared  one  atom  which  story  was  the  truth. 
"  So  you  thought  I  could  pass  you  in 
your  chair,"  she  said,  ''  or  ever  in  this 
world  again,  without  hearing  from  my 
heart  that  it  was  you !  " 


II 

"Bunny,"  said  Raffles,  "I'm  awfully 
sorry,  old  chap,  but  youVe  got  to  go." 

It  was  some  weeks  since  the  first  un- 
timely visitation  of  Jacques  Saillard,  but 
there  had  been  many  others  at  all  hours  of 
the  day,  while  Raffles  had  been  induced  to 
pay  at  least  one  to  her  studio  in  the  neigh- 
bouring square.  These  intrusions  he  had 
endured  at  first  with  an  air  of  humorous 
208 


An  Old  Flame 

resignation  which  imposed  upon  me  less 
than  he  imagined.  The  woman  meant 
well,  he  said,  after  all,  and  could  be  trusted 
to  keep  his  secret  loyally.  It  was  plain  to 
me,  however,  that  Raffles  did  not  trust  her, 
and  that  his  pretence  upon  the  point  was  a 
deHberate  pose  to  conceal  the  extent  to 
which  she  had  him  in  her  power.  Other- 
wise there  would  have  been  little  point  in 
hiding  anything  from  the  one  person  in 
possession  of  the  cardinal  secret  of  his 
identity.  But  Raffles  thought  it  worth  his 
while  to  hoodwink  Jacques  Saillard  in  the 
subsidiary  matter  of  his  health,  in  which 
Dr.  Theobald  lent  him  unwitting  assist- 
ance, and,  as  we  have  seen,  to  impress 
upon  her  that  I  was  actually  his  attendant, 
and  as  ignorant  of  his  past  as  the  doctor 
himself.  ''  So  you're  all  right.  Bunny,"  he 
had  assured  me ;  "  she  thinks  you  knew 
nothing  the  other  night.  I  told  you  she 
wasn't  a  clever  woman  outside  her  work. 
But  hasn't  she  a  will !  "  I  told  Raffles  it 
was  very  considerate  of  him  to  keep  me 
out  of  it,  but  that  it  seemed  to  me  like 
tying  up  the  bag  when  the  cat  had  escaped. 
209 


Raffles 

His  reply  was  an  admission  that  one  must 
be  on  the  defensive  with  such  a  woman  and 
in  such  a  case.  Soon  after  this,  Raffles, 
looking-  far  from  well,  fell  back  upon  his 
own  last  line  of  defence,  namely  his  bed; 
and  now,  as  always  in  the  end,  I  could  see 
some  sense  in  his  subtleties,  since  it  was 
comparatively  easy  for  me  to  turn  even 
Jacques  Saillard  from  the  door,  with  Dr. 
Theobald's  explicit  injunctions,  and  with 
my  own  honesty  unquestioned.  So  for  a 
day  we  had  peace  once  more.  Then  came 
letters,  then  the  doctor  again  and  again, 
and  finally  my  dismissal  in  the  incredible 
v/ords  which  have  necessitated  these  ex- 
planations. 

"  Go  ?  "  I  echoed.     "  Go  where  ?  " 

"It's  that  ass  Theobald,"  said  Raffles. 
"  He  insists." 

"  On  my  going  altogether  ?  " 

He  nodded. 

''And  you  mean  to  let  him  have  his 
way?" 

I  had  no  language  for  my  mortification 
and  disgust,  though  neither  was  as  yet 
quite  so  great  as  my  surprise.    I  had  fore- 

2IO 


An  Old  Flame 

seen  almost  every  conceivable  consequence 
of  the  mad  act  which  brought  all  this 
trouble  to  pass,  but  a  voluntary  division 
between  Raffles  and  me  had  certainly  never 
entered  my  calculations.  Nor  could  I 
think  that  it  had  occurred  to  him  before 
our  egregious  doctor's  last  visit,  this  very 
morning.  Raffles  had  looked  irritated  as 
he  broke  the  news  to  me  from  his  pillow, 
and  now  there  was  some  sympathy  in  the 
way  he  sat  up  in  bed,  as  though  he  felt  the 
thing  himself. 

"  I  am  obliged  to  give  in  to  the  fellow," 
said  he.  "  He's  saving  me  from  my  friend, 
and  I'm  bound  to  humour  him.  But  I  can 
tell  you  that  we've  been  arguing  about  you 
for  the  last  half  hour,  Bunny.  It  was  no 
use;  the  idiot  has  had  his  knife  in  you 
from  the  first;  and  he  wouldn't  see  me 
through  on  any  other  conditions." 

**  So  he  is  going  to  see  you  through, 
is  he?" 

"  It  tots  up  to  that,"  said  Raffles,  look- 
ing at  me  rather  hard.  "  At  all  events  he 
has  come  to  my  rescue  for  the  time  being, 
and  it's  for  me  to  manage  the  rest.    You 

211 


Raffles 

<ion*t  know  what  it  has  been,  Bunny,  these 
last  few  weeks ;  and  gallantry  forbids  that 
I  should  tell  you  even  now.  But  would 
you  rather  elope  against  your  will,  or  have 
your  continued  existence  made  known  to 
the  world  in  general  and  the  police  in  par- 
ticular? That  is  practically  the  problem 
which  I  have  had  to  solve,  and  the  tempo- 
rary solution  was  to  fall  ill.  As  a  matter 
of  fact  I  am  ill;  and  now  what  do  you 
think  ?  I  owe  it  to  you  to  tell  you.  Bunny, 
though  it  goes  against,  the  grain.  She 
would  take  me  '  to  the  dear,  warm  under- 
world, where  the  sun  really  shines,'  and  she 
would  *  nurse  me  back  to  life  and  love ! ' 
The  artistic  temperament  is  a  fearsome 
thing.  Bunny,  in  a  woman  with  the  devil's 
own  will !  " 

Raffles  tore  up  the  letter  from  which  he 
had  read  these  piquant  extracts,  and  lay 
back  on  the  pillows  with  the  tired  air  of 
the  veritable  invalid  which  he  seemed  able 
to  assume  at  will.  But  for  once  he  did 
look  as  though  bed  was  the  best  place  for 
him;  and  I  used  the  fact  as  an  argument 
for  my  own  retention  in  defiance  of  Dr. 
2ia 


An  Old  Flame 

Theobald.  The  town  was  full  of  typhoid, 
I  said,  and  certainly  that  autumnal  scourge 
was  in  the  air.  Did  he  want  me  to  leave 
him  at  the  very  moment  when  he  might  be 
sickening  for  a  serious  illness? 

"  You  know  I  don't,  my  good  fellow," 
said  Raffles,  wearily ;  "  but  Theobald  does, 
and  I  can't  afford  to  go  against  him  now. 
Not  that  I  really  care  what  happens  to  me 
now  that  that  woman  knows  I'm  in  the 
land  of  the  Hving;  she'll  let  it  out,  to  a 
dead  certainty,  and  at  the  best  there'll  be 
a  hue  and  cry,  which  is  the  very  thing  I 
have  escaped  all  these  years.  Now,  what 
I  want  you  to  do  is  to  go  and  take  some 
quiet  place  somewhere,  and  then  let  me 
know,  so  that  I  may  have  a  port  in  the 
storm  when  it  breaks." 

"  Now  you're  talking !  "  I  cried,  recov- 
ering my  spirits.  "  I  thought  you  meant 
to  go  and  drop  a  fellow  altogether !  " 

"  Exactly  the  sort  of  thing  you  would 
think,"  rejoined  Raffles,  with  a  contempt 
that  was  welcome  enough  after  my  late 
alarm.  "  No,  my  dear  rabbit,  what  you've 
got  to  do  is  to  make  a  new  burrow  for  us 
213 


Raffles 

both.  Try  down  the  Thames,  in  some- 
quiet  nook  that  a  literary  man  would  natu- 
rally select.  I've  often  thought  that  more 
use  might  be  made  of  a  boat,  while  the 
family  are  at  dinner,  than  there  ever  has 
been  yet.  If  Rafales  is  to  come  to  life,  old 
chap,  he  shall  go  a-Rafifling  for  all  he's 
worth !  There's  something  to  be  done 
with  a  bicycle,  too.  Try  Ham  Common 
or  Roehampton,  or  some  such  sleepy  hol- 
low a  trifle  off  the  Hne;  and  say  you're 
expecting  your  brother  from  the  colonies." 
Into  this  arrangement  I  entered  without 
the  slightest  hesitation,  for  we  had  funds 
enough  to  carry  it  out  on  a  comfortable 
scale,  and  Raffles  placed  a  sufficient  share 
at  my  disposal  for  the  nonce.  Moreover, 
I  for  one  was  only  too  glad  to  seek  fresh 
fields  and  pastures  new — a  phrase  which  I 
determined  to  interpret  literally  in  my 
choice  of  fresh  surroundings.  I  was  tired 
of  our  submerged  life  in  the  poky  little  flat, 
especially  now  that  we  had  money  enough 
for  better  things.  I  myself  had  of  late  had 
dark  dealings  with  the  receivers,  with  the 
result  that  poor  Lord  Ernest  Belville's  suc- 
214 


An  Old  Flame 

cesses  were  now  Indeed  ours.  Subsequent 
complications  had  been  the  more  galling 
on  that  account,  while  the  wanton  way  in 
which  they  had  been  created  was  the  most 
irritating  reflection  of  all.  But  it  had 
brought  its  own  punishment  upon  Raffles, 
and  I  fancied  the  lesson  would  prove  salu- 
tary when  we  again  settled  down. 

"  If  ever  we  do,  Bunny !  "  said  he,  as  I 
took  his  hand  and  told  him  how  I  was 
already  looking  forward  to  the  time. 

"  But  of  course  we  will,"  I  cried,  con- 
cealing the  resentment  at  leaving  him 
which  his  tone  and  his  appearance  renewed 
in  my  breast. 

"  I'm  not  so  sure  of  it,"  he  said,  gloom- 
ily. "  I'm  in  somebody's  clutches,  and  I've 
got  to  get  out  of  them  first." 

"  I'll  sit  tight  until  you  do." 

"  Well,"  he  said,  "  if  you  don't  see  me 
in  ten  days  you  never  will." 

"  Only  ten  days  ?  "  I  echoed.  "  That's 
nothing  at  all." 

"  A  lot  may  happen  in  ten  days,"  replied 
Raffles,  in  the  same  depressing  tone,  so 
very  depressing  in  him;  and  with  that  he 
ti5 


Raffles 

held  out  his  hand  a  second  time,  and 
dropped  mine  suddenly  after  as  sudden  a 
pressure  for  farewell. 

I  left  the  flat  in  considerable  dejection 
after  all,  unable  to  decide  whether  Raffles 
was  really  ill,  or  only  worried  as  I  knew 
him  to  be.  And  at  the  foot  of  the  stairs 
the  author  of  my  dismissal,  that  confounded 
Theobald,  flung  open  his  door  and  waylaid 
me. 

"Are  you  going?"  he  demanded. 

The  traps  in  my  hands  proclaimed  that 
I  was,  but  I  dropped  them  at  his  feet  to 
have  it  out  with  him  then  and  there. 

"  Yes,"  I  answered,  fiercely,  "  thanks  to 
you ! " 

"  Well,  my  good  fellow,"  he  said,  his 
full-blooded  face  lightening  and  softening 
at  the  same  time,  as  though  a  load  were 
off  his  mind,  "  it's,  no  pleasure  to  me  to 
deprive  any  man  of  his  billet,  but  you 
never  were  a  nurse,  and  you  know  that  as 
well  as  I  do." 

I  began  to  wonder  what  he  meant,  and 
how  much  he  did  know,  and  my  specula- 
tions kept  me  silent.  *'  But  come  in  here 
216 


An  Old  Flame 

a  moment,"  he  continued,  just  as  I  de- 
cided that  he  knew  nothing  at  all.  And 
leading  me  into  his  minute  consulting- 
room,  Dr.  Theobald  solemnly  presented 
me  with  a  sovereign  by  way  of  compensa- 
tion, which  I  pocketed  as  solemnly,  and 
with  as  much  gratitude  as  if  I  had  not 
fifty  of  them  distributed  over  my  person 
as  it  was.  The  good  fellow  had  quite  for- 
gotten my  social  status,  about  which  he 
himself  had  been  so  particular  at  our  earli- 
est interview;  but  he  had  never  accus- 
tomed himself  to  treat  me  as  a  gentleman, 
and  I  do  not  suppose  he  had  been  improv- 
ing his  memory  by  the  tall  tumbler  which 
I  saw  him  poke  behind  a  photograph- 
frame  as  we  entered. 

"  There's  one  thing  I  should  like  to 
know  before  I  go,"  said  I,  turning  sud- 
denly on  the  doctor's  mat,  "  and  that 
is  whether  Mr.  Maturin  is  really  ill  or 
not!" 

I  meant,  of  course,  at  the  present  mo- 
ment, but  Dr.  Theobald  braced  himself  like 
a  recruit  at  the  drill-sergeant's  voice. 

"  Of  course  he  is,"  he  snapped — "  so  ill 
217 


Raffles 

as  to  need  a  nurse  who  can  nurse,  by  way 
of  a  change/' 

With  that  his  door  shut  in  my  face,  and 
I  had  to  go  my  way,  in  the  dark  as  to 
whether  he  had  mistaken  my  meaning,  and 
was  telHng  me  a  He,  or  not. 

But  for  my  misgivings  upon  this  point 
I  might  have  extracted  some  very  genuine 
enjoyment  out  of  the  next  few  days.  I  had 
decent  clothes  to  my  back,  with  money,  as 
I  say,  in  most  of  the  pockets,  and  more 
freedom  to  spend  it  than  was  possible  in 
the  constant  society  of  a  man  whose  per- 
sonal liberty  depended  on  a  universal  sup- 
position that  he  was  dead.  Raffles  was  as 
bold  as  ever,  and  I  as  fond  of  him,  but 
whereas  he  would  run  any  risk  in  a  pro- 
fessional exploit,  there  were  many  inno- 
cent recreations  still  open  to  me  which 
would  have  been  sheer  madness  in  him. 
He  could  not  even  watch  a  match,  from 
the  sixpenny  seats,  at  Lord's  Cricket- 
ground,  where  the  Gentlemen  were  every 
year  in  a  worse  way  without  him.  He 
never  travelled  by  rail,  and  dining  out  was 
a  risk  only  to  be  run  with  some  ulterior 

2l3 


An  Old  Flame 

object  in  view.  In  fact,  much  as  It  had 
changed,  Raffles  could  no  longer  show  his 
face  with  perfect  impunity  in  any  quarter 
or  at  any  hour.  Moreover,  after  the  lesson 
he  had  now  learnt,  I  foresaw  increased 
caution  on  his  part  in  this  respect.  But  I 
myself  was  under  no  such  perpetual  disad- 
vantage, and,  while  what  was  good  enough 
for  Raffles  was  quite  good  enough  for  me, 
so  long  as  we  were  together,  I  saw  no 
harm  in  profiting  by  the  present  oppor- 
tunity of  "  doing  myself  well." 

Such  were  my  reflections  on  the  way  to 
Richmond  in  a  hansom  cab.  Richmond 
had  struck  us  both  as  the  best  centre  of 
operations  in  search  of  the  suburban  re- 
treat which  Raffles  wanted,  and  by  road, 
in  a  well-appointed,  well-selected  hansom, 
was  certainly  the  most  agreeable  way  of 
getting  there.  In  a  week  or  ten  days 
Raffles  was  to  write  to  me  at  the  Rich- 
mond post-office,  but  for  at  least  a  week 
I  should  be  "  on  my  own."  It  was  not  an 
unpleasant  sensation  as  I  leant  back  in  the 
comfortable  hansom,  and  rather  to  one 
side,  in  order  to  have  a  good  look  at  my- 
219 


Raffles 

self  in  the  bevelled  mirror  that  is  almost 
as  great  an  improvement  in  these  vehicles 
as  the  rubber  tires.  Really  I  was  not  an 
ill-looking-  youth,  if  one  may  call  one's  self 
such  at  the  age  of  thirty.  I  could  lay  no 
claim  either  to  the  striking  cast  of  coun- 
tenance or  to  the  peculiar  charm  of  ex- 
pression which  made  the  face  of  RafBes 
like  no  other  in  the  world.  But  this  very 
distinction  was  in  itself  a  danger,  for  its 
impression  was  indelible,  whereas  I  might 
still  have  been  mistaken  for  a  hundred 
other  young  fellows  at  large  in  London. 
Incredible  as  it  may  appear  to  the  mor- 
alists, I  had  sustained  no  external  hall- 
mark by  my  term  of  imprisonment,  and  I 
am  vain  enough  to  believe  that  the  evil 
which  I  did  had  not  a  separate  existence 
in  my  face.  This  afternoon,  indeed,  I  was 
struck  by  the  purity  of  my  fresh  com- 
plexion, and  rather  depressed  by  the  gen- 
eral innocence  of  the  visage  which  peered 
into  mine  from  the  little  mirror.  My  straw- 
coloured  moustache,  grown  in  the  flat  after 
a  protracted  holiday,  again  preserved  the 
most  disappointing  dimensions,  and  was 
220 


An  Old  Flame 

still  invisible  in  certain  lights  without  wax. 
So  far  from  discerning  the  desperate  crim- 
inal who  has  "  done  time  "  once,  and  de- 
served it  over  and  over  again,  the  superior 
but  superficial  observer  might  have  imag- 
ined that  he  detected  a  certain  element  of 
folly  in  my  face. 

At  all  events  it  was  not  the  face  to  shut 
the  doors  of  a  first-class  hotel  against  me, 
without  accidental  evidence  of  a  more  ex- 
plicit kind,  and  it  was  with  no  little  sat- 
isfaction that  I  directed  the  man  to  drive 
to  the  Star  and  Garter.  I  also  told  him 
to  go  through  Richmond  Park,  though  he 
warned  me  that  it  would  add  considerably 
to  the  distance  and  his  fare.  It  was  au- 
tumn, and  it  struck  me  that  the  tints  would 
be  fine.  And  I  had  learnt  from  Rafifles  to 
appreciate  such  things,  even  amid  the  ex- 
citement of  an  audacious  enterprise. 

If  I  dwell  upon  my  appreciation  of  this 
occasion  it  is  because,  like  most  pleasures, 
it  was  exceedingly  short-hved.  I  was  very 
comfortable  at  the  Star  and  Garter,  which 
was  so  empty  that  I  had  a  room  worthy 
of  a  prince,  where  I  could  enjoy  the  finest 

221 


Raffles 

of  all  views  (in  patriotic  opinion)  every 
morning  while  I  shaved.  I  walked  many 
miles  through  the  noble  park,  over  the 
commons  of  Ham  and  Wimbledon,  and 
one  day  as  far  as  that  of  Esher,  where  I 
was  forcibly  reminded  of  a  service  we  once 
rendered  to  a  distinguished  resident  in  this 
delightful  locaHty.  But  it  was  on  Ham 
Common,  one  of  the  places  which  RafHes 
had  mentioned  as  specially  desirable,  that 
I  actually  found  an  almost  ideal  retreat. 
This  was  a  cottage  where  I  heard,  on  in- 
quiry, that  rooms  were  to  be  let  in  the 
summer.  The  landlady,  a  motherly  body, 
of  visible  excellence,  was  surprised  indeed 
at  receiving  an  application  for  the  winter 
months;  but  I  have  generally  found  that 
the  title  of  "  author,"  claimed  with  an  air, 
explains  every  little  innocent  irregularity 
of  conduct  or  appearance,  and  even  re- 
quires something  of  the  kind  to  carry  con- 
viction to  the  lay  intelligence.  The  present 
case  was  one  in  point,  and  when  I  said 
that  I  could  only  write  in  a  room  facing 
north,  on  mutton  chops  and  milk,  with  a 
cold  ham  in  the  wardrobe  in  case  of  noc- 

222 


An  Old  Flame 

turnal  inspiration,  to  which  I  was  liable, 
my  literary  character  was  established  be- 
yond dispute.  I  secured  the  rooms,  paid  a 
month's  rent  in  advance  at  my  own  re- 
quest, and  moped  in  them  dreadfully  until 
the  week  was  up  and  Raffles  due  any  day, 
I  explained  that  the  inspiration  would  not 
come,  and  asked  abruptly  if  the  mutton 
was  New  Zealand, 

Thrice  had  I  made  fruitless  inquiries  at 
the  Richmond  post-office ;  but  on  the  tenth 
day  I  was  in  and  out  almost  every  hour. 
Not  a  word  was  there  for  me  up  to  the 
last  post  at  night.  Home  I  trudged  to 
Ham  with  horrible  forebodings,  and  back 
again  to  Richmond  after  breakfast  next 
morning.  Still  there  was  nothing.  I  could 
bear  it  no  more.  At  ten  minutes  to  eleven 
I  was  climbing  the  station  stairs  at  Earl's 
Court. 

It  was  a  wretched  morning  there,  a 
veeping  mist  shrouding  the  long  straight 
ttreet,  and  clinging  to  one's  face  in  clammy 
caresses.  I  felt  how  much  better  it  was 
down  at  Ham,  as  I  turned  into  our  side 
street,  and  saw  the  flats  looming  like 
223 


Raffles 

mountains,  the  chimney-pots  hidden  in  the 
mist.  At  our  entrance  stood  a  nebulous 
conveyance,  that  I  took  at  first  for  a  trades- 
man's van;  to  my  horror  it  proved  to  be 
a  hearse ;  and  all  at  once  the  white  breath 
ceased  upon  my  lips, 

I  had  looked  up  at  our  windows  and  the 
bHnds  were  down ! 

I  rushed  within.  The  doctor's  door  stood 
open.  I  neither  knocked  nor  rang,  but 
found  him  in  his  consulting-room  with  red 
eyes  and  a  blotchy  face.  Otherwise  he  was 
in  solemn  black  frorn  head  to  heel. 

"  Who  is  dead  ?  "  I  burst  out.  "  Who  is 
dead?" 

The  red  eyes  looked  redder  than  ever  as 
Dr.  Theobald  opened  them  at  the  unwar- 
rantable sight  of  me;  and  he  was  terribly 
slow  in  answering.  But  in  the  end  he  did 
answer,  and  did  not  kick  me  out  as  he  evi- 
dently had  a  mind. 

''  Mr.  Maturin/'  he  said,  and  sighed  like 
a  beaten  man, 

I  said  nothing.  It  was  no  surprise  to 
me.  I  had  known  it  all  these  minutes. 
Nay,  I  had  dreaded  this  from  the  first, 
224 


An  Old  Flame 

had  divined  it  at  the  last,  though  to  the 
last  also  I  had  refused  to  entertain  my  own 
conviction.  Raffles  dead!  A  real  invalid 
after  all!  Raffles  dead,  and  on  the  point 
of  burial! 

"What  did  he  die  of?"  I  asked,  un- 
consciously drawing  on  that  fund  of  grim 
self-control  which  the  weakest  of  us  seem 
to  hold  in  reserve  for  real  calamity. 

"  Typhoid,"  he  answered,  "  Kensington 
is  full  of  ito" 

"  He  was  sickening  for  it  when  I  left, 
and  you  knew  it,  and  could  get  rid  of  me 
then  1 " 

"  My  good  fellow,  I  was  obliged  to  have 
a  more  experienced  nurse  for  that  very 
reason." 

The  doctor's  tone  was  so  conciliatory 
that  I  remembered  in  an  instant  what  a 
humbug  the  man  was^  and  became  sud- 
denly possessed  with  the  vague  conviction 
that  he  was  imposing  upon  me  now. 

"Are  you  sure  it  was  typhoid  at  all?** 
I  cried  fiercely  to  his  face.  "  Are  you  sure 
it  wasn't  suicide — or  murder?" 

I  confess  that  I  can  see  little  point  in 

22.S 


Raffles 

this  speech  as  I  write  it  down,  but  it  was 
what  I  said  in  a  burst  of  grief  and  of  wild 
suspicion;  nor  was  it  without  effect  upon 
Dr.  Theobald,  who  turned  bright  scarlet 
from  his  well-brushed  hair  to  his  immacu- 
late collar. 

"  Do  you  want  me  to  throw  you  out  into 
the  street  ?  "  he  cried ;  and  all  at  once  I 
remembered  that  I  had  come  to  Rafifles  as 
a  perfect  stranger,  and  for  his  sake  might 
as  well  preserve  that  character  to  the  last. 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,"  I  said,  brokenly. 
"  He  was  so  good  to  me — I  became  so 
attached  to  him.  You  forget  I  am  orig- 
inally of  his  class." 

"  I  did  forget  it,"  replied  Theobald,  look- 
ing relieved  at  my  new  tone,  "  and  I  beg 
your  pardon  for  doing  so.  Hush !  They 
are  bringing  him  down.  I  must  have  a 
drink  before  we  starts  and  you'd  better 
join  me," 

There  was  no  pretence  about  his  drink 
this  time,  and  a  pretty  stiff  one  it  was,  but 
I  fancy  my  own  must  have  run  it  hard. 
In  my  case  it  cast  a  merciful  haze  over 
much  of  the  next  hour,  which  I  can  truth- 
226 


An  Old  Flame 

fully  describe  as  one  of  the  most  painful 
of  my  whole  existence.  I  can  have  known 
very  little  of  what  I  was  doing.  I  only 
remember  finding  myself  in  a  hansom, 
suddenly  wondering  why  it  was  going  so 
slowly,  and  once  more  awaking  to  the 
truth.  But  it  was  to  the  truth  itself  more 
than  to  the  liquor  that  I  must  have  owed 
my  dazed  condition.  My  next  recollection 
is  of  looking  down  into  the  open  grave, 
in  a  sudden  passionate  anxiety  to  see  the 
name  for  myself.  It  was  not  the  name  of 
my  friend,  of  course,  but  it  was  the  one 
under  which  he  had  passed  for  many 
months. 

I  was  still  stupefied  by  a  sense  of  in- 
conceivable loss,  and  had  not  raised  my 
eyes  from  that  which  was  slowly  forcing 
me  to  realise  what  had  happened,  when 
there  was  a  rustle  at  my  elbow,  and  a 
shower  of  hothouse  flowers  passed  before 
them,  falling  like  huge  snowflakes  where 
my  gaze  had  rested.  I  looked  up,  and  at 
my  side  stood  a  majestic  figure  in  deep 
mourning.  The  face  was  carefully  veiled, 
but  I  was  too  close  not  to  recognise  the 
227 


Raffles 

masterful  beauty  whom  the  world  knew  as 
Jacques  Saillard.  I  had  no  sympathy  with 
her ;  on  the  contrary,  my  blood  boiled  with 
the  vague  conviction  that  in  some  way  she 
was  responsible  for  this  death.  Yet  she 
was  the  only  woman  present — there  were 
not  half  a  dozen  of  us  altogether — and  her 
flowers  were  the  only  flowers. 

The  melancholy  ceremony  was  over,  and 
Jacques  Saillard  had  departed  in  a  funereal 
brougham,  evidently  hired  for  the  occa- 
sion. I  had  watched  her  drive  away,  and 
the  sight  of  my  own  cabman,  making  signs 
to  me  through  the  fog,  had  suddenly  re- 
minded me  that  I  had  bidden  him  to  wait. 
I  was  the  last  to  leave,  and  had  turned  my 
back  upon  the  grave-diggers,  already  at 
their  final  task,  when  a  hand  fell  lightly 
but  firmly  upon  my  shoulder. 

"  I  don't  want  to  make  a  scene  in  a 
cemetery,"  said  a  voice,  in  a  not  unkindly, 
almost  confidential  whisper.  "  Will  you 
get  into  your  own  cab  and  come  quietly  ?  " 

**  Who  on  earth  are  you  ?  "  I  exclaimed. 

I  now  remembered  having  seen  the  fel- 
low hovering  about  during  the  funeral,  and 
228 


An  Old  Flame 

subconsciously  taking  him  for  the  under- 
taker's head  man.  He  had  certainly  that 
appearance,  and  even  now  I  could  scarcely 
believe  that  he  was  anything  else. 

"  My  name  won't  help  you,"  he  said, 
pityingly.  "  But  you  will  guess  where  I 
come  from  when  I  tell  you  I  have  a  war- 
rant for  your  arrest." 

My  sensations  at  this  announcement  may 
not  be  believed,  but  I  solemnly  declare  that 
I  have  seldom  experienced  so  fierce  a  sat- 
isfaction. Here  was  a  new  excitement  in 
which  to  drown  my  grief;  here  was  some- 
thing to  think  about;  and  I  should  be 
spared  the  intolerable  experience  of  a  soli- 
tary return  to  the  Httle  place  at  Ham.  It 
was  as  though  I  had  lost  a  limb  and  some 
one  had  struck  me  so  hard  in  the  face 
that  the  greater  agony  was  forgotten.  I 
got  into  the  hansom  without  a  word,  my 
captor  following  at  my  heels,  and  giving 
his  own  directions  to  the  cabman  before 
taking  his  seat.  The  word  "  station  "  was 
the  only  one  I  caught,  and  I  wondered 
whether  it  was  to  be  Bow  Street  again. 
My  companion's  next  words,  however,  or 
229 


Raffles 

rather  the  tone  in  which  he  uttered  them, 
destroyed  my  capacity  for  idle  specula- 
tion. 

"  Mr.  Maturin !  '*  said  he.  "  Mr.  Matu- 
rin,  indeed !  " 

''Well,"  said  I,  "what  about  him?" 

"  Do  you  think  we  don't  know  who  he 
was  ?  " 

"  Who  was  he  ?  "  I  asked,  defiantly. 

"  You  ought  to  know,"  said  he.  "  You 
got  locked  up  through  him  the  other  time, 
too.  His  favourite  name  was  Raffles, 
then." 

"  It  was  his  real  name,"  I  said,  indig- 
nantly.   "  And  he  has  been  dead  for  years." 

My  captor  simply  chuckled. 

"  He's  at  the  bottom  of  the  sea,  I  tell 
you ! " 

But  I  do  not  know  why  I  should  have 
told  him  with  such  spirit,  for  what  could 
it  matter  to  Raffles  now  ?  I  did  not  think  ; 
instinct  was  still  stronger  than  reason,  and, 
fresh  from  his  funeral,  I  had  taken  up  the 
cudgels  for  my  dead  friend  as  though  he 
were  still  ahve.  Next  moment  I  saw  this 
for  myself,  and  my  tears  came  nearer  the 
230 


An  Old  Flame 

surface  than  they  had  been  yet;  but  the 
fellow  at  my  side  laughed  outright. 

"  Shall  I  tell  you  something  else  ?  "  said 
he. 

"  As  you  Hke." 

*'  He's  not  even  at  the  bottom  of  that 
grave !  He's  no  more  dead  than  you  or  I, 
and  a  sham  burial  is  his  latest  piece  of 
villainy ! " 

I  doubt  whether  I  could  have  spoken  if 
I  had  tried.  I  did  not  try.  I  had  no  use 
for  speech.  I  did  not  even  ask  him  if  he 
was  sure,  I  was  so  sure  myself.  It  was  all 
as  plain  to  me  as  riddles  usually  are  when 
one  has  the  answer.  The  doctor's  alarms, 
his  unscrupulous  venaHty,  the  simulated 
illness,  my  own  dismissal,  each  fitted  in  its 
obvious  place,  and  not  even  the  last  had 
power  as  yet  to  mar  my  joy  in  the  one 
central  fact  to  which  all  the  rest  were  as 
tapers  to  the  sun. 

"  He  is  alive !  "  I  cried.  "  Nothing  else 
matters — he  is  alive !  " 

At  last  I  did  ask  whether  they  had  got 
him  too;  but  thankful  as  I  was  for  the 
greater  knowledge,  I  confess  that  I  did  not 
231 


Raffles 

much  care  what  answer  I  received.  Al- 
ready I  was  figuring  out  how  much  we 
might  each  get,  and  how  old  we  should  be 
when  we  came  out.  But  my  companion 
tilted  his  hat  to  the  back  of  his  head,  at  the 
same  time  putting  his  face  close  to  mine, 
and  compelling  my  scrutiny.  And  my  an- 
swer, as  you  have  already  guessed,  was  the 
face  of  Raffles  himself,  superbly  disguised 
(but  less  superbly  than  his  voice),  and  yet 
so  thinly  that  I  should  have  known  him 
in  a  trice  had  I  not  been  too  miserable 
in  the  beginning  to  give  him  a  second 
glance. 

Jacques  Saillard  had  made  his  life  im- 
possible, and  this  was  the  one  escape. 
Raffles  had  bought  the  doctor  for  a  thou- 
sand pounds,  and  the  doctor  had  bought 
a  "  nurse  "  of  his  own  kidney,  on  his  own 
account;  me,  for  some  reason,  he  would 
not  trust;  he  had  insisted  upon  my  dis- 
missal as  an  essential  preliminary  to  his 
part  in  the  conspiracy.  Here  the  details 
were  half-humorous,  half-gruesome,  each 
in  turn  as  Raffles  told  me  the  story.  At 
one  period  he  had  been  very  daringly 
232 


An  Old  Flame 

drugged  indeed,  and,  in  his  own  words, 
"  as  dead  as  a  man  need  be  " ;  but  he  had 
left  strict  instructions  that  nobody  but  the 
nurse  and  "  my  devoted  physician  "  should 
'*  lay  a  finger  on  me  "  afterwards ;  and  by 
virtue  of  this  proviso  a  library  of  books 
(largely  acquired  for  the  occasion)  had 
been  impiously  interred  at  Kensal  Green. 
Raises  had  definitely  undertaken  not  to 
trust  me  with  the  secret,  and,  but  for  my 
untoward  appearance  at  the  funeral  (which 
he  had  attended  for  his  own  final  satisfac- 
tion), I  was  assured  and  am  convinced  that 
he  would  have  kept  his  promise  to  the 
letter.  In  explaining  this  he  gave  me  the 
one  explanation  I  desired,  and  in  another 
moment  we  turned  into  Praed  Street,  Pad- 
dington. 

"  And  I  thought  you  said  Bow  Street !  '* 
said  I.  "  Are  you  coming  straight  down 
to  Richmond  with  me  ?  " 

''  I  may  as  well,"  said  RafBes,  '*  though 
I  did  mean  to  get  my  kit  first,  so  as  to 
start  in  fair  and  square  as  the  long-lost 
brother  from  the  bush.  That's  why  I 
hadn't  written.  The  function  was  a  day 
333 


Raffles 

later  than  I  calculated.  I  was  going  to 
write  to-night." 

"  But  what  are  we  to  do  ?  "  said  I,  hesi- 
tating when  he  had  paid  the  cab.  "  I  have 
been  playing  the  colonies  for  all  they  arc 
worth !  " 

"  Oh,  I've  lost  my  luggage,"  said  he, 
"  or  a  wave  came  into  my  cabin  and  spoilt 
every  stitch,  or  I  had  nothing  fit  to.  bring 
ashore.    We'll  settle  that  in  the  train." 


«34 


THE  WRONG  HOUSE 

MY  brother  Ralph,  who  now  lived  with 
me  on  the  edge  of  Ham  Common, 
had  come  home  from  Australia  with  a 
curious  affection  of  the  eyes,  due  to  long 
exposure  to  the  glare  out  there,  and  neces- 
sitating the  use  of  clouded  spectacles  in  the 
open  air.  He  had  not  the  rich  complexion 
of  the  typical  colonist,  being  indeed  pecul- 
iarly pale,  but  it  appeared  that  he  had  been 
confined  to  his  berth  for  the  greater  part 
of  the  voyage,  while  his  prematurely  grey 
hair  was  sufficient  proof  that  the  rigours 
of  bush  life  had  at  last  undermined  an  orig- 
inally tough  constitution.  Our  landlady, 
who  spoilt  my  brother  from  the  first,  was 
much  concerned  on  his  behalf,  and  wished 
to  call  in  the  local  doctor;  but  Ralph  said 
dreadful  things  about  the  profession,  and 
quite  frightened  the  good  woman  by  ar- 
bitrarily forbidding  her  ever  to  let  a  doctor 
235 


Raffles 

inside  her  door.  I  had  to  apologise  to  Her 
for  the  painful  prejudices  and  violent  lan- 
guage of  "  these  colonists,"  but  the  old 
soul  was  easily  mollified.  She  had  fallen 
in  love  with  my  brother  at  first  sight,  and 
she  never  could  do  too  much  for  him.  It 
was  owing  to  our  landlady  that  I  took  to 
calling  him  Ralph,  for  the  first  time  in  our 
lives,  on  her  beginning  to  speak  of  and  to 
him  as  ''  Mr.  Raffles." 

"  This  won't  do,"  said  he  to  me.  "  It's 
a  name  that  sticks." 

"  It  must  be  my  fault !  She  must  have 
heard  it  from  me,"  said  I  self-reproach- 
fully. 

''  You  must  tell  her  it's  the  short  for 
Ralph." 

"  But  it's  longer." 

"  It's  the  short,"  said  he ;  "  and  youVe 
got  to  tell  her  so." 

Henceforth  I  heard  as  much  of  "  Mr. 
Ralph,"  his  Hkes  and  his  dislikes,  what  he 
would  fancy  and  what  he  would  not,  and 
oh,  what  a  dear  gentleman  he  was,  that  I 
often  remembered  to  say  "  Ralph,  old 
chap,"  myself. 

236 


The  Wrong  House 

It  was  an  ideal  cottage,  as  I  said  when  I 
found  it,  and  in  it  our  delicate  man  became 
rapidly  robust.  Not  that  the  air  was  also 
ideal,  for,  when  it  was  not  raining,  we  had 
the  same  faithful  mist  from  November  to 
March.  But  it  was  something  to  Ralph  to 
get  any  air  at  all,  other  than  night-air,  and 
the  bicycle  did  the  rest.  We  taught  our- 
selves, and  may  I  never  forget  our  earlier 
rides,  through  and  through  Richmond 
Park  when  the  afternoons  were  shortest, 
upon  the  incomparable  Ripley  Road  when 
we  gave  a  day  to  it.  Raffles  rode  a  Beeston 
Humber,  a  Royal  Sunbeam  was  good 
enough  for  me,  but  he  insisted  on  our  both 
having  Dunlop  tyres. 

"  They  seem  the  most  popular  brand.  I 
had  my  eye  on  the  road  all  the  way  from 
Ripley  to  Cobham,  and  there  were  more 
Dunlop  marks  than  any  other  kind.  Bless 
you,  yes,  they  all  leave  their  special  tracks, 
and  we  don't  want  ours  to  be  extra  special ; 
the  Dunlop's  like  a  rattlesnake,  and  the 
Palmer  leaves  telegraph-wires,  but  surely 
the  serpent  is  more  in  our  line." 

That  was  the  winter  when  there  were  so 
237 


Raffles 

many  burglaries  in  the  Thame:  Valley 
from  Richmond  upward.  It  was  said  that 
the  thieves  used  bicycles  in  every  case,  but 
what  is  not  said?  They  were  sometimes  on 
foot  to  my  knowledge,  and  we  took  a  great 
interest  in  the  series,  or  rather  sequence  of 
successful  crimes.  Raffles  would  often  get 
his  devoted  old  lady  to  read  him  the  latest 
local  accounts,  while  I  was  busy  with  my 
writing  (much  I  wrote)  in  my  own  room. 
We  even  rode  out  by  night  ourselves,  to  see 
if  we  could  not  get  on  the  tracks  of  the 
thieves,  and  never  did  we  fail  to  find  hot 
coflfee  on  the  hob  for  our  return.  We  had 
indeed  fallen  upon  our  feet.  Also,  the 
misty  nights  might  have  been  made  for  the 
thieves.  But  their  success  was  not  so  con- 
sistent, and  never  so  enormous,  as  people 
said,  especially  the  sufferers,  who  lost  more 
valuables  than  they  had  ever  been  known 
to  possess.  Failure  was  often  the  caitiffs' 
portion,  and  disaster  once;  owing,  iron- 
ically enough,  to  that  very  mist  which 
should  have  served  them.  But  I  am  going 
to  tell  the  story  with  some  particularity, 
and  perhaps  some  gusto,  you  will  see  why 

who  read. 

238 


The  Wrons:  House 


fc> 


The  right  house  stood  on  high  ground 
near  the  river,  with  quite  a  drive  (in  at  one 
gate  and  out  at  the  other)  sweeping  past 
the  steps.  Between  the  two  gates  was  a 
half-moon  of  shrubs,  to  the  left  of  the  steps 
a  conservatory,  and  to  their  right  the  walk 
leading  to  the  tradesmen's  entrance  and  the 
back  premises ;  here  also  was  the  pantry- 
window,  of  which  more  anon.  The  right 
house  was  the  residence  of  an  opulent 
stockbroker  who  wore  a  heavy  watch- 
chain  and  seemed  fair  game.  There  would 
have  been  two  objections  to  it  had  I  been 
the  stockbroker.  The  house  was  one  of  a 
row,  though  a  goodly  row,  and  an  army- 
crammer  had  established  himself  next  door. 
There  is  a  type  of  such  institutions  in  th( 
suburbs ;  the  youths  go  about  in  knicker- 
bockers, smoking  pipes,  except  on  Satur- 
day nights,  when  they  lead  each  other  home 
from  the  last  train.  It  was  none  of  our 
business  to  spy  upon  these  boys,  but  their 
manners  and  customs  fell  within  the  field 
of  observation.  And  we  did  not  choose  the 
night  upon  which  the  whole  row  was  likely 
to  be  kept  awake. 

239 


Raffles 

The  night  that  v/e  did  choose  was  as 
misty  as  even  the  Thames  Valley  is  capable 
of  making  them.  Raffles  smeared  vaseline 
upon  the  plated  parts  of  his  Beeston  Hum- 
ber  before  starting,  and  our  dear  landlady 
cosseted  us  both,  and  prayed  we  might 
see  nothing  of  the  nasty  burglars,  not 
denying  as  the  reward  would  be  very 
handy  to  them  that  got  it,  to  say  noth- 
ing of  the  honor  and  glory.  We  had  prom- 
ised her  a  liberal  perquisite  in  the  event  of 
our  success,  but  she  must  not  give  other 
cyclists  our  idea  by  mentioning  it  to  a  soul. 
It  was  about  midnight  when  we  cycled 
through  Kingston  to  Surbiton,  having 
trundled  our  machines  across  Ham  Fields, 
mournful  in  the  mist  as  those  by  Acheron, 
and  so  over  Teddington  Bridge. 

I  often  wonder  why  the  pantry  window 
is  the  vulnerable  point  of  nine  houses  out 
of  ten.  This  house  of  ours  was  almost  the 
tenth,  for  the  window  in  question  had  bars 
of  sorts,  but  not  the  right  sort.  The  only 
bars  that  Raffles  allowed  to  beat  him  were 
the  kind  that  are  let  into  the  stone  outside ; 
those  fixed  within  are  merely  screwed  to 
240 


The  Wrong  House 

the  woodwork,  and  you  can  unscrew  as 
many  as  necessary  if  you  take  the  trouble 
and  have  the  time.  Barred  windows  are 
usually  devoid  of  other  fasteners  worthy  the 
name;  this  one  was  no  exception  to  that 
foolish  rule,  and  a  push  with  the  penknife 
did  its  business.  I  am  giving  householders 
some  valuable  hints,  and  perhaps  deserv- 
ing a  good  mark  from  the  critics.  These,  in 
any  case,  are  the  points  that  I  would  see 
to,  were  I  a  rich  stockbroker  in  a  river-side 
suburb.  In  giving  good  advice,  however, 
I  should  not  have  omitted  to  say  that  we 
had  left  our  machines  in  the  semicircular 
shrubbery  in  front,  or  that  RafBes  had  most 
ingeniously  fitted  our  lamps  with  dark 
slides,  which  enabled  us  to  leave  them  burn- 
ing. 

It  proved  sufficient  to  unscrew  the  bars  at 
the  bottom  only,  and  then  to  wrench  them 
to  either  side.  Neither  of  us  had  grown 
stout  with  advancing  years,  and  in  a  few 
minutes  we  had  both  wormed  through  into 
the  sink,  and  thence  to  the  floor.  It  was  not 
an  absolutely  noiseless  process,  but  once  in 
the  pantry  we  were  mice,  and  no  longer 
241 


Raffles 

blind  mice.  There  was  a  gas-bracket,  but 
we  did  not  meddle  with  that.  Raffles  went 
armed  these  nights  with  a  better  light  than 
gas ;  if  it  were  not  immoral,  I  might  rec- 
ommend a  dark-lantern  which  was  more  or 
less  his  patent.  It  was  that  handy  inven- 
tion, the  electric  torch,  fitted  by  Raffles  with 
a  dark  hood  to  fulfil  the  functions  of  a  slide. 
I  had  held  it  through  the  bars  while  he  un- 
did the  screws,  and  now  he  held  it  to  the 
keyhole,  in  which  a  key  was  turned  upon 
the  other  side. 

There  was  a  pause  for  consideration,  and 
in  the  pause  we  put  on  our  masks.  It 
was  never  known  that  these  Thames  Valley 
robberies  were  all  committed  by  miscreants 
decked  in  the  livery  of  crime,  but  that  was 
because  until  this  night  we  had  never  even 
shown  our  masks.  It  was  a  point  upon 
which  Raffles  had  insisted  on  all  feasible 
occasions  since  his  furtive  return  to  the 
world.  To-night  it  twice  nearly  lost  us 
everything — but  you  shall  hear. 

There  is  a  forceps  for  turning  keys  from 
the  wrong  side  of  the  door,  but  the  imple- 
ment is  not  so  easy  of  manipulation  as  it 
242 


The  Wrong  House 

might  be.  Raffles  for  one  preferred  a  sharp 
knife  and  the  corner  of  the  panel.  You 
go  through  the  panel  because  that  is  thin- 
nest, of  course  in  the  corner  nearest  the 
key,  and  you  use  a  knife  when  you  can,  be- 
cause it  makes  least  noise.  But  it  does  take 
minutes,  and  even  I  can  remember  shifting 
the  electric  torch  from  one  hand  to  the 
other  before  the  aperture  was  large  enough 
to  receive  the  hand  and  wrist  of  Raffles. 

He  had  at  such  times  a  motto  of  which  I 
might  have  made  earlier  use,  but  the  fact 
is  that  I  have  only  once  before  described 
a  downright  burglary  in  which  I  assisted, 
and  that  without  knowing  it  at  the  time. 
The  most  solemn  student  of  these  annals 
cannot  affirm  that  he  has  cut  through  many 
doors  in  our  company,  since  (what  was  to 
me)  the  maiden  effort  to  which  I  allude. 
I,  however,  have  cracked  only  too  many  a 
crib  in  conjunction  with  A.  J.  Raffles,  and 
at  the  crucial  moment  he  would  whisper 
"  Victory  or  Wormwood  Scrubbs,  Bun- 
ny ! "  or  instead  of  Wormwood  Scrubbs 
it  might  be  Portland  Bill.  This  time  it  was 
neither  one  nor  the  other,  for  with  that  very 
243 


Raffles 

word  "  victory  "  upon  his  lips,  they  whit- 
ened and  parted  with  the  first  taste  of  de- 
feat. 

"  My  hand's  held !  "  gasped  Raffles,  and 
the  white  of  his  eyes  showed  all  round  the 
iris,  a  rarer  thing  than  you  may  think. 

At  the  same  moment  I  heard  the  shuf- 
fling feet  and  the  low,  excited  young  voices 
on  the  other  side  of  the  door,  and  a  faint 
light  shone  round  Raffles's  wrist. 

"Well  done.  Beefy!" 

"  Hang  on  to  him !  " 

"Good  old  Beefy!" 

"  Beefy's  got  him !  " 

"  So  have  I — so  have  I !  " 

And  Raffles  caught  my  arm  with  his  one 
free  hand.  **  They've  got  me  tight,"  he 
whispered.    "  I'm  done." 

"  Blaze  through  the  door,"  I  urged,  and 
might  have  done  it  had  I  been  armed.  But 
I  never  was.  It  was  Raffles  who  monopo- 
lised that  risk. 

"  I     can't — it's    the    boys — the    wrong 

house !  "  he  whispered.     "  Curse  the  fog  — 

it's  done  me.     But  you  get  out,  Bunny, 

while  you  can;    never  mind  me;    it's  my 

turn,  old  chap." 

244 


The  Wrong  House 

His  one  hand  tightened  in  affectionate 
farewell.  I  put  the  electric  torch  in  it  before 
I  went,  trembling  in  every  inch,  but  without 
a  word. 

Get  out!  His  turn!  Yes,  I  would  get 
out,  but  only  to  come  in  again,  for  it  was 
my  turn — mine — not  his.  Would  Raffles 
leave  me  held  by  a  hand  through  a  hole 
in  a  door?  What  he  would  have  done  in 
my  place  was  the  thing  for  me  to  do  now. 
I  began  by  diving  head-first  through  the 
pantry  window  and  coming  to  earth  upon 
all  fours.  But  even  as  I  stood  up,  and 
brushed  the  gravel  from  the  palms  of  my 
hands  and  the  knees  of  my  knickerbockers, 
I  had  no  notion  what  to  do  next.  And  yet 
I  was  half-way  to  the  front  door  before  I 
remembered  the  vile  crape  mask  upon  my 
face,  and  tore  it  off  as  the  door  flew  open 
and  my  feet  were  on  the  steps. 

"  He's  into  the  next  garden,"  I  cried  to 
a  bevy  of  pajamas  with  bare  feet  and  young 
faces  at  either  end  of  them.   . 

"Who?  Who?"  said  they,  giving  way 
before  me. 

''  Some  fellow  who  came  through  one  of 
your  windows  head-first." 
245 


Raffles 

"  The  other  Johnny,  the  other  Johnny," 
the  cherubs  chorused. 

"  Biking  past — saw  the  light — ^why,  what 
have  you  there  ?  " 

Of  course,  it  was  Raffles's  hand  that  they 
had,  but  now  I  was  in  the  hall  among  them. 
A  red-faced  barrel  of  a  boy  did  all  the  hold- 
ing, one  hand  round  the  wrist,  the  other 
palm  to  palm,  and  his  knees  braced  up 
against  the  panel.  Another  was  rendering 
ostentatious  but  ineffectual  aid,  and  three 
or  four  others  danced  about  in  their  paja- 
mas. After  all,  they  were  not  more  than 
four  to  one.  I  had  raised  my  voice, 
so  that  Raffles  might  hear  me  and  take 
heart,  and  now  I  raised  it  again.  Yet  to  this 
day  I  cannot  account  for  my  inspiration, 
that  proved  nothing  less. 

"  Don't  talk  so  loud."  they  were  crying 
below  their  breath ;  **  don^t  wake  'em  up- 
stairs, this  is  our  show." 

"  Then  I  see  you've  got  one  of  them," 
said  I,  as  desired.  "  Well,  if  you  want  the 
other  you  can  have  him,  too.  I  believe  he's 
hurt  himself." 

"  After  him,  after  him !  "  they  exclaimed 
as  one. 

246 


The  Wrong  House 

"  But  I  think  he  got  over  the  wall " 

"  Come  on,  you  chaps,  come  on !  " 

And  there  was  a  soft  stampede  to  the  hall 
door. 

"  Don't  all  desert  me,  I  say !  "  gasped  the 
red-faced  hero  who  held  Raffles  prisoner. 

"  We  must  have  them  both,  Beefy !  " 

"  That's  all  very  well " 

"  Look  here,"  I  interposed,  "  I'll  stay  by 
you.  I've  a  friend  outside^  I'll  get  him 
too." 

"  Thanks  awfully,"  said  the  valiant  Beefy. 

The  hall  was  empty  now.  My  heart  beat 
high. 

**  How  did  you  hear  them  ?  "  I  inquired, 
my  eye  running  over  him. 

**  We  were  down  having  drinks — game 
o'  nap — in  there." 

Beefy  jerked  his  great  head  toward  an 
open  door,  and  the  tail  of  my  eye  caught 
the  glint  of  glasses  in  the  firelight,  but  the 
rest  of  it  was  otherwise  engaged. 

"  Let  me  relieve  you,"  I  said,  trembUng. 

''  No,  I'm  all  right." 

"  Then  I  must  insist." 

And  before  he  could  answer  I  had  him 
247 


Raffles 

found  the  neck  with  such  a  will  that  not 
a  gurgle  passed  my  fingers,  for  they  were 
almost  buried  in  his  hot  smooth  flesh.  Oh, 
I  am  not  proud  of  it ;  the  act  was  as  vile  as 
act  could  be ;  but  I  was  not  going  to  see 
Raffles  taken,  my  one  desire  was  to  be  the 
saving  of  him,  and  I  tremble  even  now 
to  think  to  what  lengths  I  might  have 
gone  for  its  fulfilment.  As  it  was,  I 
squeezed  and  tugged  until  one  strong  hand 
gave  way  after  the  other  and  came  feeling 
round  for  me,  but  feebly  because  they  had 
held  on  so  long.  And  what  do  you  suppose 
was  happening  at  the  same  moment  ?  The 
pinched  white  hand  of  Raffles,  reddening 
with  returning  blood,  and  with  a  clot  of 
blood  upon  the  wrist,  was  craning  upward 
and  turning  the  key  in  the  lock  without  a 
moment's  loss. 

**  Steady  on,  Bunny !  " 

And  I  saw  that  Beefy's  ears  were  blue; 
but  Raffles  was  feeHng  in  his  pockets  as  he 
spoke.  "  Now  let  him  breathe,"  said  he, 
clapping  his  handkerchief  over  the  poor 
youth's  mouth.  An  empty  phial  was  in  his 
other  hand,  and  the  first  few  stertorous 
248 


The  Wrong  House 

breaths  that  the  poor  boy  took  were  the 
end  of  him  for  the  time  being.  Oh,  but  it 
was  villainous,  my  part  especially,  for  he 
must  have  been  far  gone  to  go  the  rest  of 
the  way  so  readily.  I  began  by  saying  I 
was  not  proud  of  this  deed,  but  its  dastardly 
character  has  come  home  to  me  more  than 
ever  with  the  penance  of  writing  it  out.  I 
see  in  myself,  at  least  my  then  self,  things 
that  I  never  saw  quite  so  clearly  before. 
Yet  let  me  be  quite  sure  that  I  would  not 
do  the  same  again.  I  had  not  the  smallest 
desire  to  throttle  this  innocent  lad  (nor  did 
I),  but  only  to  extricate  Raffles  from  the 
most  hopeless  position  he  was  ever  in;  and 
after  all  it  was  better  than  a  blow  from  be- 
hind. On  the  whole,  I  will  not  alter  a 
word,  nor  whine  about  the  thing  any  more. 
We  lifted  the  plucky  fellow  into  Raffles's 
place  in  the  pantry,  locked  the  door  on  him, 
and  put  the  key  through  the  panel.  Now 
was  the  moment  for  thinking  of  ourselves, 
and  again  that  infernal  mask  which  Raffles 
swore  by  came  near  the  undoing  of  us  both. 
We  had  reached  the  steps  when  we  were 
hailed  by  a  voice,  not  from  without  but 
249 


Raffles 

from  within,  and  I  had  just  time  to  tear  the 
accursed  thing  from  Raffles's  face  before  he 
turned. 

A  stout  man  with  a  blonde  moustache  was 
on  the  stairs,  in  his  pajamas  like  the  boys. 

"  What  are  you  doing  here  ?  "  said  he. 

"  There  has  been  an  attempt  upon  your 
house,"  said  I,  still  spokesman  for  the 
night,  and  still  on  the  wings  of  inspira- 
tion. 

**  Your  sons " 

"  My  pupils." 

'*  Indeed.  Well,  they  heard  it,  drove  off 
the  thieves,  and  have  given  chase." 

"  And  where  do  you  come  in?  "  inquired 
the  stout  man,  descending. 

"  We  were  bicycling  past,  and  I  actually 
saw  one  fellow  come  head-first  through 
your  pantry  window.  I  think  he  got  over 
the  wall." 

Here  a  breathless  boy  returned. 

"  Can't  see  anything  of  him,"  he  gasped. 

"  It's  true,  then,"  remarked  the  cram- 
mer. 

"  Look  at  that  door,"  said  I. 

But  unfortunately  the  breathless  boy 
250 


The  Wrong  House 

looked  also,  and  now  he  was  being  joined 
by  others  equally  short  of  wind. 

"Where's  Beefy?"  he  screamed.  "What 
on  earth's  happened  to  Beefy?  " 

"  My  good  boys,"  exclaimed  the  cram- 
mer, "  will  one  of  you  be  kind  enough  to  tell 
me  what  you've  been  doing,  and  what  these 
gentlemen  have  been  doing  for  you? 
Come  in  all,  before  you  get  your  death.  I 
see  lights  in  the  class-room,  and  more  than 
lights.  ,  Can  these  be  signs  of  a  carouse?  " 

"  A  very  innocent  one,  sir,"  said  a  well- 
set-up  youth  with  more  moustache  than  I 
have  yet. 

"  Well,  Olphert,  boys  will  be  boys.  Sup- 
pose you  tell  me  what  happened,  before  we 
come  to  recriminations." 

The  bad  old  proverb  was  my  first  warn- 
ing. I  caught  two  of  the  youths  exchang- 
ing glances  under  raised  eyebrows.  Yet 
their  stout,  easy-going  mentor  had  given 
me  such  a  reassuring  glance  of  sidelong 
humour,  as  between  man  of  the  world  and 
man  of  the  world,  that  it  was  difficult  to  sus- 
pect him  of  suspicion.  I  was  nevertheless 
itching  to  be  gone. 

251 


Raffles 

Young  Olphert  told  his  story  with  en- 
gaging candour.  It  was  true  that  they  had 
come  down  for  an  hour's  nap  and  cig- 
arettes; well,  and  there  was  no  denying 
that  was  whisky  in  the  glasses.  The  boys 
were  now  all  back  in  their  class-room,  I 
think  entirely  for  the  sake  of  warmth ;  but 
Raffles  and  I  were  in  knickerbockers  and 
Norfolk  jackets,  and  very  naturally  re- 
mained without,  while  the  army-crammer 
(who  wore  bed-room  slippers)  stood  on  the 
threshold,  with  an  eye  each  way.  The  more 
I  saw  of  the  man  the  better  I  liked  and  the 
more  I  feared  him.  His  chief  annoyance 
thus  far  was  that  they  had  not  called  him 
when  they  heard  the  noise,  that  they  had 
dreamt  of  leaving  him  out  of  the  fun.  But 
he  semed  more  hurt  than  angry  about  that. 

"  Well,  sir,"  concluded  Olphert,  "  we  left 
old  Beefy  Smith  hanging  on  to  his  hand, 
and  this  gentleman  with  him,  so  perhaps  he 
can  tell  us  what  happened  next  ?  " 

"  I  wish  I  could,"  I  cried,  with  all  their 
eyes  upon  me,  for  I  had  had  time  to  think. 
"  Some  of  you  must  have  heard  me  say  I'd 
fetch  my  friend  in  from  the  road  ?  '* 
252 


The  Wrong  House 

"  Yes,  I  did,'*  piped  an  innocent  from 
within. 

"  Well,  and  when  I  came  back  with  him 
things  were  exactly  as  you  see  them  now. 
Evidently  the  man's  strength  was  too  much 
for  the  boy's ;  but  whether  he  ran  upstairs 
or  outside  I  know  no  more  than  you  do." 

"  It  wasn't  like  that  boy  to  run  either 
way,"  said  the  crammer,  cocking  a  clear 
blue  eye  on  me. 

"  But  if  he  gave  chase !  " 

"  It  wasn't  like  him  even  to  let  go." 

"  I  don't  believe  Beefy  ever  would,"  put 
in  Olphert.  "  That's  why  we  gave  him  the 
billet." 

"  He  may  have  followed  him  through  the 
pantry  window,"  I  suggested  wildly. 

"  But  the  door's  shut,"  put  in  a  boy. 

"  I'll  have  a  look  at  it,"  said  the  crammer. 

And  the  key  no  longer  in  the  lock,  and 
the  insensible  youth  within !  The  key 
would  be  missed,  the  door  kicked  in ;  nay, 
with  the  man's  eye  still  upon  me,  I  thought 
I  could  smell  the  chloroform,  I  thought  I 
could  hear  a  moan,  and  prepared  for  either 
any  moment.  And  how  he  did  stare  I  I 
253 


Raffles 

have  detested  blue  eyes  ever  since,  and 
blonde  moustaches,  and  the  whole  stout 
easy-going  type  that  is  not  such  a  fool  as 
it  looks.  I  had  brazened  it  out  with  the 
boys,  but  the  first  grown  man  was  too  many 
for  me,  and  the  blood  ran  out  of  my  heart 
as  though  there  was  no  Raffles  at  my 
back.  Indeed,  I  had  forgotten  him.  I 
had  so  longed  to  put  this  thing  through 
by  myself!  Even  in  my  extremity  it 
was  almost  a  disappointment  to  me  when 
his  dear  cool  voice  fell  like  a  delicious 
draught  upon  my  ears.  But  its  effect  upon 
the  others  is  more  interesting  to  recall. 
Until  now  the  crammer  had  the  centre  of 
the  stage,  but  at  this  point  Raffles  usurped 
a  place  which  was  always  his  at  will.  Peo- 
ple would  wait  for  what  he  had  to  say,  as 
these  people  waited  now  for  the  simplest 
and  most  natural  thing  in  the  world. 

"  One  moment!  "  he  had  begun. 

"  Well  ?  "  said  the  crammer,  relieving  me 
of  his  eyes  at  last. 

"  I  don't  want  to  lose  any  of  the  fun " 

"  Nor  must  you,"  said  the  crammer,  with 
emphasis. 

254 


The  Wrong  House 

"  But  we've  left  our  bikes  outside,  and 
mine's  a  Beeston  Humber,"  continued  Raf- 
fles. '*  If  you  don't  mind,  we'll  bring  'em 
in  before  these  fellows  get  away  on  them." 

And  out  he  went  without  a  look  to  see 
the  effect  of  his  words,  I  after  him  with  a 
determined  imitation  of  his  self-control. 
But  I  would  have  given  something  to  turn 
round.  I  believe  that  for  one  moment  the 
shrewd  instructor  was  taken  in,  but  as  I 
reached  the  steps  I  heard  him  asking  his 
pupils  whether  any  of  them  had  seen  any 
bicycles  outside. 

That  moment,  however,  made  the  differ- 
ence. We  were  in  the  shrubbery.  Raffles 
with  his  electric  torch  drawn  and  blazing, 
when  we  heard  them  kicking  at  the  pantry 
door,  and  in  the  drive  with  our  bicycles  be- 
fore man  and  boys  poured  pell-mell  down 
the  steps. 

We  rushed  our  machines  to  the  nearer 
gate,  for  both  were  shut,  and  we  got 
through  and  swung  it  home  behind  us  in 
the  nick  of  time.  Even  I  could  mount  be- 
fore they  could  reopen  the  gate,  which  Raf- 
fles held  against  them  for  half  an  instant 
25s 


Raffles 

with  unnecessary  gallantry.  But  he  would 
see  me  in  front  of  him,  and  so  it  fell  to  me 
to  lead  the  way. 

Now,  I  have  said  that  it  was  a  very  misty 
night  (hence  the  whole  thing),  and  also  that 
these  houses  were  on  a  hill.  But  they  were 
not  nearly  on  the  top  of  the  hill,  and  I  did 
what  I  firmly  believe  that  almost  everybody 
would  have  done  in  my  place.  Raffles,  in- 
deed, said  he  would  have  done  it  himself, 
but  that  was  his  generosity,  and  he  was  the 
one  man  who  would  not.  What  I  did  was 
to  turn  in  the  opposite  direction  to  the  other 
gate,  where  we  might  so  easily  have  been 
cut  ofif,  and  to  pedal  for  my  life — up-hill ! 

"  My  God !  "  I  shouted  when  I  found  it 
out. 

"Can  you  turn  in  your  own  length?" 
asked  Raffles,  following  loyally. 

"  Not  certain." 

"  Then  stick  to  it.  You  couldn't  help  it. 
But  it's  the  devil  of  a  hill !  " 

"  And  here  they  come !  " 

**  Let  them,"  said  Raffles,  and  brandished 
his  electric  torch,  our  only  light  as  yet. 

A  hill  seems  endless  in  the  dark,  for  you 
256 


The  Wrong  House 

cannot  see  the  end,  and  with  the  patter  of 
bare  feet  gaining  on  us,  I  thought  this  one 
could  have  no  end  at  all.  Of  course  the 
boys  could  charge  up  it  quicker  than  we 
could  pedal,  but  I  even  heard  the  voice  of 
their  stout  instructor  growing  louder 
through  the  mist. 

"  Oh,  to  think  IVe  let  you  in  for  this !  " 
I  groaned,  my  head  over  the  handle-bars, 
every  ounce  of  my  weight  first  on  one  foot 
and  then  on  the  other.  I  glanced  at  Raffles, 
and  in  the  white  light  of  his  torch  he  was 
doing  it  all  with  his  ankles,  exactly  as 
though  he  had  been  riding  in  a  Gymkhana. 

*'  It's  the  most  sporting  chase  I  was  ever 
in,"  said  he. 

"All  my  fault!" 

"  My  dear  Bunny,  I  wouldn*t  have 
missed  it  for  the  world !  " 

Nor  would  he  forge  ahead  of  me,  though 
he  could  have  done  so  in  a  moment,  he  who 
from  his  boyhood  had  done  everything  of 
the  kind  so  much  better  than  anybody  else. 
No,  he  must  ride  a  wheel's  length  behind 
me,  and  now  we  could  not  only  hear  the 
boys  running,  but  breathing  also.  And 
257 


Raffles 

then  of  a  sudden  I  saw  Raffles  on  my  right 
striking  with  his  torch ;  a  face  flew  out  of 
the  darkness  to  meet  the  thick  glass  bulb 
with  the  glowing  wire  enclosed ;  it  was  the 
face  of  the  boy  Olphert,  with  his  enviable 
moustache,  but  it  vanished  with  the  crash 
of  glass,  and  the  naked  wire  thickened  to 
the  eye  like  a  tuning-fork  struck  red-hot. 

I  saw  no  more  of  that.  One  of  them  had 
crept  up  on  my  side  also ;  as  I  looked,  hear- 
ing him  pant,  he  was  grabbing  at  my  left 
handle,  and  I  nearly  sent  Raffles  into  the 
hedge  by  the  sharp  turn  I  took  to  the  right. 
His  wheel's  length  saved  him.  But  my  boy 
could  run,  was  overhauling  me  again, 
seemed  certain  of  me  this  time,  when  all  at 
once  the  Sunbeam  ran  easily;  every  ounce 
of  my  weight  with  either  foot  once  more, 
and  I  was  over  the  crest  of  the  hill,  the  grey 
road  reeling  out  from  under  me  as  I  felt  for 
my  brake.  1  looked  back  at  Raffles.  He 
had  put  up  his  feet.  I  screwed  my  head 
round  still  further,  and  there  were  the  boys 
in  their  pajamas,  their  hands  upon  their 
knees,  like  so  many  wicket-keepers,  and  a 
big  man  shaking  his  fist.  There  was  a  lamp- 
25S 


The  Wrong  House 

post  on  the  hill-top,  and  that  was  the  last  I 
saw. 

We  sailed  down  to  the  river,  then  on 
through  Thames  Ditton  as  far  as  Esher 
Station,  when  we  turned  sharp  to  the  right, 
and  from  the  dark  stretch  by  Imber  Court 
came  to  Hght  in  Molesey,  and  were  soon 
pedalling  Hke  gentlemen  of  leisure  through 
Bushey  Park,  our  lights  turned  up,  the 
broken  torch  put  out  and  away.  The  big 
gates  had  long  been  shut,  but  you  can 
manoeuvre  a  bicycle  through  the  others. 
We  had  no  further  adventures  on  the  way 
home,  and  our  coffee  was  still  warm  upon 
the  hob. 

"  But  I  think  it's  an  occasion  for  Sulli- 
vans,"  said  Raffles,  who  now  kept  them  for 
such.  "  By  all  my  gods.  Bunny,  it's  been 
the  most  sporting  night  we  ever  had  in  our 
lives!  And  do  you  know  which  was  the 
most  sporting  part  of  it?  " 

"That  up-hill  ride?" 

"  I  wasn't  thinking  of  it." 

"  Turning  your  torch  into  a  truncheon  ?  " 

"  My  dear  Bunny  1  A  gallant  lad — I 
hated  hitting  him." 

259 


Raffles 

"  I  know,"  I  said.    "  The  way  you  got 

us  out  of  the  house !  " 

"  No,  Bunny,"  said  Raffles,  blowing 
rings.  "  It  came  before  that,  you  sinner, 
and  you  know  it !  " 

"  You  don't  mean  anything  I  did  ?  "  said 
I,  self-consciously,  for  I  began  to  see  that 
this  was  what  he  did  mean.  And  now  at 
latest  it  will  also  be  seen  why  this  story  has 
been  told  with  undue  and  inexcusable 
gusto ;  there  is  none  other  like  it  for  me  to 
tell ;  it  is  my  one  ewe-lamb  in  all  these  an- 
nals.   But  Raffles  had  a  ruder  name  for  it. 

"  It  was  the  Apotheosis  of  the  Bunny," 
said  he,  but  in  a  tone  I  never  shall  forget. 

"  I  hardly  knew  what  I  was  doing  or  say- 
ing," I  said.  "  The  whole  thing  was  a 
fluke." 

"  Then,"  said  Raffles,  "  it  was  the  kind  of 
fluke  I  always  trusted  you  to  make  when 
runs  were  wanted," 

And  he  held  out  his  dear  old  hand. 


360 


fHE  KNEES  OF  THE  GODS 

I 

THE  worst  of  this  war,"  said  Raffles, 
"  is  the  way  it  puts  a  fellow  off  his 
work." 

It  was,  of  course,  the  winter  before  last, 
and  we  had  done  nothing  dreadful  since  the 
early  autumn.  Undoubtedly  the  war  was 
the  cause.  Not  that  we  were  among  the 
earlier  victims  of  the  fever.  I  took  dis- 
gracefully little  interest  in  the  Negotiations, 
while  the  Ultimatum  appealed  to  Raffles  as 
a  sporting  flutter.  Then  we  gave  the  whole 
thing  till  Christmas.  We  still  missed  the 
cricket  in  the  papers.  But  one  russet  after- 
noon we  were  in  Richmond,  and  a  terrible 
type  was  shouting  himself  hoarse  with 
**  'Eavy  British  lorsses  —  orful  slorter  o* 
the  Bo-wers!  Orful  slorter!  Orful  slorter  1 
'Eavy  British  lorsses !  "  I  thought  the  ter- 
rible type  had  invented  it,  but  Raffles  gave 
261 


Raffles 

him  more  than  he  asked,  and  then  I  held  the 
bicycles  while  he  tried  to  pronounce 
Eland's  Laagte.  We  were  never  again 
without  our  sheaf  of  evening  papers,  and 
Raffles  ordered  three  morning  ones,  and  I 
gave  up  mine  in  spite  of  its  literary  page. 
We  became  strategists.  We  knew  exactly 
what  BuUer  was  to  do  on  landing,  and,  still 
better,  what  the  other  Generals  should  have 
done.  Our  map  was  the  best  that  could  be 
bought,  with  flags  that  deserved  a  better 
fate  than  standing  still.  Raffles  woke  me 
to  hear  The  Absent-Minded  Beggar  on  the 
morning  it  appeared;  he  was  one  of  the 
first  substantial  subscribers  to  the  fund. 
By  this  time  our  dear  landlady  was  more 
excited  than  we.  To  our  enthusiasm  for 
Thomas  she  added  a  personal  bitterness 
against  the  Wild  Boars,  as  she  persisted  in 
calling  them,  each  time  as  though  it  were 
the  first.  I  could  Hnger  over  our  landlady's 
attitude  in  the  whole  matter.  That  was  her 
only  joke  about  it,  and  the  true  humorist 
never  smiled  at  it  herself.  But  you  had  only 
to  say  a  syllable  for  a  venerable  gentleman, 
declared  by  her  to  be  at  the  bottom  of  it  all, 
263 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

to  hear  what  she  could  do  to  him  if  she 
caught  him.  She  could  put  him  in  a  cage 
and  go  on  tour  with  him,  and  make  him 
howl  and  dance  for  his  food  like  a  debased 
bear  before  a  fresh  audience  every  day.  Yet 
a  more  kind-hearted  woman  I  have  never 
known.  The  war  did  not  uplift  our  land- 
lady as  it  did  her  lodgers. 

But  presently  it  ceased  to  have  that  pre- 
cise efifect  upon  us.  Bad  was  being  made 
worse  and  worse;  and  then  came  more 
than  Englishmen  could  endure  in  that 
black  week  across  which  the  names  of 
three  African  villages  are  written  forever  in 
letters  of  blood.  "  All  three  pegs,"  groaned 
Raflfles  on  the  last  morning  of  the  week; 
"  neck-and-crop,  neck-and-crop  !  "  It  was 
his  first  word  of  cricket  since  the  beginning 
of  the  war. 

We  were  both  depressed.  Old  school- 
fellows had  fallen,  and  I  know  Raffles  en- 
vied them ;  he  spoke  so  wistfully  of  such 
an  end.  To  cheer  him  up  I  proposed  to 
break  into  one  of  the  many  more  or  less 
royal  residences  in  our  neighbourhood;  a 
tough  crib  was  what  he  needed ;  but  I  will 
263 


Raffles 

not  trouble  you  with  what  he  said  to  me. 
There  was  less  crime  in  England  that  win- 
ter than  for  years  past ;  there  was  none  at 
all  in  Raffles.  And  yet  there  were  those 
who  could  denounce  the  war ! 

So  we  went  on  for  a  few  of  those  dark 
days,  Raffles  very  glum  and  grim,  till  one 
fine  morning  the  Yeomanry  idea  put  new 
heart  into  us  all.  It  struck  me  at  once  as 
the  glorious  scheme  it  was  to  prove,  but  it 
did  not  hit  me  where  it  hit  others.  I  was 
not  a  fox-hunter,  and  the  gentlemen  of 
England  would  scarcely  have  owned  me 
as  one  of  them.  The  case  of  Raffles  was  in 
that  respect  still  more  hopeless  (he  who 
had  even  played  for  them  at  Lord's),  and 
he  seemed  to  feel  it.  He  would  not  speak 
to  me  all  the  morning ;  in  the  afternoon  he 
went  for  a  walk  alone.  It  was  another  man 
who  came  home,  flourishing  a  small  bottle 
packed  in  white  paper. 

"  Bunny,"  said  he,  "  I  never  did  lift  my 
elbow;  it's  the  one  vice  I  never  had.  It 
has  taken  me  all  these  years  to  find  my  tip- 
ple. Bunny;  but  here  it  is,  my  panacea, 
my  elixir,  my  magic  philtre  1 " 
264 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

I  thought  he  had  been  at  it  on  the  road, 
and  asked  him  the  name  of  the  stuff. 

"  Look  and  see,  Bunny." 

And  if  it  wasn't  a  bottle  of  ladies*  hair- 
dye,  warranted  to  change  any  shade  into 
the  once  fashionable  yellow  within  a  given 
number  of  applications ! 

"  What  on  earth,"  said  I,  **  are  you  go- 
ing to  do  with  this  ?  " 

"  Dye  for  my  country,"  he  cried,  swell- 
ing. "  Dulce  et  decorum  est,  Bunny,  my 
boy!" 

"  Do  you  mean  that  you're  going  to  the 
front?" 

**  If  I  can  without  coming  to  it." 

I  looked  at  him  as  he  stood  in  the  fire- 
light, straight  as  a  dart,  spare  but  wiry, 
alert,  laughing,  flushed  from  his  wintry 
walk ;  and  as  I  looked,  all  the  years  that  I 
had  known  him,  and  more  besides,  slipped 
from  him  in  my  eyes.  I  saw  him  captain 
of  the  eleven  at  school.  I  saw  him  running 
with  the  muddy  ball  on  days  Hke  this,  run- 
ning round  the  other  fifteen  as  a  sheep-dog 
round  a  flock  of  sheep.  He  had  his  cap  on 
still,  and  but  for  the  grey  hairs  underneath 
265 


Raffles 

— ^but  here  I  last  him  in  a  sudden  mist. 
It  was  not  sorrow  at  his  going,  for  I  did  not 
mean  to  let  him  go  alone.  It  was  enthusi- 
asm, admiration,  affection,  and  also,  I  be- 
lieve, a  sudden  regret  that  he  had  not  al- 
ways appealed  to  that  part  of  my  nature  to 
which  he  was  appealing  now.  It  was  a  lit- 
tle thrill  of  penitence.    Enough  of  it. 

"  I  think  it  great  of  you,"  I  said,  and  at 
first  that  was  all. 

How  he  laughed  at  me !  He  had  had  his 
innings ;  there  was  no  better  way  of  getting 
out.  He  had  scored  off  an  African  mill- 
ionaire, the  Players,  a  Queensland  Legis- 
lator, the  Camorra,  the  late  Lord  Ernest 
Belville,  and  again  and  again  off  Scot- 
land Yard.  What  more  could  one  man 
do  in  one  lifetime?  And  at  the  worst  it 
was  the  death  to  die:  no  bed,  no  doctor, 
no  temperature — and  Raffles  stopped  him- 
self. 

"  No  pinioning,  no  white  cap,"  he  added, 
*'  if  you  like  that  better." 

"  I  don't  like  any  of  it,"  I  cried,  cordially ; 
"  you've  simply  got  to  come  back." 

"  To  what  ?  "  he  asked,  a  strange  look  on 
266 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

him.  And  I  wondered — for  one  instant— 
whether  my  little  thrill  had  gone  through 
him.    He  was  not  a  man  of  little  thrills. 

Then  for  a  minute  I  was  in  misery.  Of 
course  I  wanted  to  go  too — he  shook  my 
hand  without  a  word — but  how  could  I? 
They  would  never  have  me,  a  branded  jail- 
bird, in  the  Imperial  Yeomanry!  Raffles 
burst  out  laughing;  he  had  been  looking 
very  hard  at  me  for  about  three  seconds. 

"  You  rabbit,"  he  cried,  "  even  to  think 
of  it !  We  might  as  well  offer  ourselves  to 
the  Metropolitan  Police  Force.  No,  Bunny, 
we  go  out  to  the  Cape  on  our  own,  and 
that's  where  we  enlist.  One  of  these  regi- 
ments of  irregular  horse  is  the  thing  for 
us;  you  spent  part  of  your  pretty  penny 
on  horse-flesh,  I  believe,  and  you  remem- 
ber how  I  rode  in  the  bush!  We're  the 
very  men  for  them.  Bunny,  and  they  won't 
ask  to  see  our  birth-marks  out  there.  I 
don't  think  even  my  hoary  locks  would 
put  them  off,  but  it  would  be  too  con- 
spicuous in  the  ranks." 

Our  landlady  first  wept  on  hearing  our 
determination,  and  then  longed  to  have  the 
267 


Raffles 

pulling  of  certain  whiskers  (with  the  tongs, 
and  they  should  be  red-hot) ;  but  from  that 
day,  and  for  as  many  as  were  left  to  us, 
the  good  soul  made  more  of  us  than  ever. 
Not  that  she  was  at  all  surprised;  dear 
brave  gentlemen  who  could  look  for  bur- 
glars on  their  bicycles  at  dead  of  night, 
it  was  only  what  you  might  expect  of  them, 
bless  their  lion  hearts.  I  wanted  to  wink  at 
Raffles,  but  he  would  not  catch  my  eye.  He 
was  a  ginger-headed  Raffles  by  the  end  of 
January,  and  it  was  extraordinary  what  a 
difference  it  made.  His  most  elaborate  dis- 
guises had  not  been  more  effectual  than  this 
simple  expedient,  and,  with  khaki  to  com- 
plete the  subdual  of  his  individuality,  he 
had  every  hope  of  escaping  recognition  in 
the  field.  The  man  he  dreaded  was  the 
officer  he  had  known  in  old  days;  there 
were  ever  so  many  of  him  at  the  Front ;  and 
it  was  to  minimise  this  risk  that  we  went  out 
second-class  at  the  beginning  of  February, 
It  was  a  weeping  day,  a  day  in  a  shroud, 
cold  as  clay,  yet  for  that  very  reason  an  ideal 
day  upon  which  to  leave  England  for  the 
sunny  Front.  Yet  my  heart  was  heavy  as  I 
26S 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

looked  my  last  at  her;  it  was  heavy  as  the 
raw  thick  air,  until  Raffles  came  and  leant 
upon  the  rail  at  my  side. 

"  I  know  what  you  are  thinking,  and 
youVe  got  to  stop,"  said  he.  "  It's  on  the 
knees  of  the  gods,  Bunny,  whether  we  do  or 
we  don't,  and  thinking  won't  make  us  see 
over  their  shoulders." 


II 

Now  I  made  as  bad  a  sol4ier  (ex- 
cept at  heart)  as  Raffles  made  a  good 
one,  and  I  could  not  say  a  harder  thing 
of  myself.  My  ignorance  of  matters  mili- 
tary was  up  to  that  time  unfathomable,  and 
is  still  profound.  I  was  always  a  fool 
with  horses,  though  I  did  not  think  so  at 
one  time,  and  I  had  never  been  any  good 
with  a  gun.  The  average  Tommy  may  be 
my  intellectual  inferior,  but  he  must  know 
some  part  of  his  work  better  than  I  ever 
knew  any  of  mine.  I  never  even  learnt 
to  be  killed.  I  do  not  mean  that  I  ever  ran 
away.  The  South  African  Field  Force 
might  have  been  strengthened  if  I  had. 
269 


Raffles 

The  foregoing  remarks  do  not  express  a 
pose  affected  out  of  superiority  to  the  usual 
spirit  of  the  conquering  hero,  for  no  man 
was  keener  on  the  war  than  I,  before  I  went 
to  it.  But  one  can  only  write  with  gusto 
of  events  (like  that  little  affair  at  Surbiton) 
in  which  one  has  acquitted  oneself  without 
discredit,  and  I  cannot  say  that  of  my 
part  in  the  war,  of  which  I  now  loathe  the 
thought  for  other  reasons.  The  battle-field 
was  no  place  for  me,  and  neither  was  the 
camp.  My  ineptitude  made  me  the  butt  of 
the  looting,  cursing,  swashbuckling  lot  who 
formed  the  very  irregular  squadron  which 
we  joined;  and  it  would  have  gone  hard 
with  me  but  for  Raf^es,  who  was  soon  the 
darling  devil  of  them  all,  but  never  more 
loyally  my  friend.  Your  fireside  fire-eater 
does  not  think  of  these  things.  He  imag- 
ines all  the  fighting  to  be  with  the  enemy. 
He  will  probably  be  horrified  to  hear  that 
men  can  detest  each  other  as  cordially  in 
khaki  as  in  any  other  wear,  and  with  a 
virulence  seldom  inspired  by  the  bearded 
dead-shot  in  the  opposite  trench.  To  the 
fireside  fire-eater,  therefore  (for  you  have 
270 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

seen  me  one  myself),  I  dedicate  the  story 
of  Corporal  Connal,  Captain  Bellingham, 
the  General,  Raffles,  and  myself. 

I  must  be  vague,  for  obvious  reasons. 
The  troop  is  fighting  as  I  write ;  you  will 
soon  hear  why  I  am  not;  but  neither  is 
Raffles,  nor  Corporal  Connal.  They  are 
fighting  as  well  as  ever,  those  other  hard- 
living,  harder-dying  sons  of  all  soils;  but 
I  am  not  going  to  say  where  it  was  that 
we  fought  with  them.  I  believe  that  no 
body  of  men  of  equal  size  has  done  half 
so  much  heroic  work.  But  they  had  got 
themselves  a  bad  name  off  the  field,  so  to 
speak;  and  I  am  not  going  to  make  it 
worse  by  saddling  them  before  the  world 
with  Raffles  and  myself,  and  that  ruffian 
Connal. 

The  fellow  was  a  mongrel  type,  a  Glas- 
gow Irishman  by  birth  and  upbringing,  but 
he  had  been  in  South  Africa  for  years,  and 
he  certainly  knew  the  country  very  well. 
This  circumstance,  coupled  with  the  fact 
that  he  was  a  very  handy  man  with  horses, 
as  all  colonists  are,  had  procured  him  the 
first  small  step  from  the  ranks  which  facili- 
271 


Raffles 

tates  bullying  if  a  man  be_a  bully  by  nat- 
ure, and  is  physically  fitted  to  be  a  success- 
ful one.  Connal  was  a  hulking  ruffian, 
and  in  me  had  ideal  game.  The  brute  was 
offensive  to  me  from  the  hour  I  joined. 
The  details  are  of  no  importance,  but  I 
stood  up  to  him  at  first  in  words,  and 
finally  for  a  few  seconds  on  my  feet.  Then 
I  went  down  like  an  ox,  and  Raffles  came 
out  of  his  tent.  Their  fight  lasted  twenty 
minutes,  and  Raffles  was  marked,  but  the 
net  result  was  dreadfully  conventional,  for 
the  bully  was  a  bully  no  more. 

But  I  began  gradually  to  suspect  that 
he  was  something  worse.  All  this  time  we 
were  fighting  every  day,  or  so  it  seems  when 
I  look  back.  Never  a  great  engagement, 
and  yet  never  a  day  when  we  were  wholly 
out  of  touch  with  the  enemy.  I  had  thus 
several  opportunities  of  watching  the  other 
enemy  under  fire,  and  had  almost  con- 
vinced myself  of  the  systematic  harmless- 
ness  of  his  own  shooting,  when  a  more 
glaring  incident  occurred. 

One  night  three  troops  of  our  squadron 
were  ordered  to  a  certain  point  whither 
272 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

they  had  patrolled  the  previous  week ;  but 
our  own  particular  troop  was  to  stay  be- 
hind, and  in  charge  of  no  other  than  the 
villainous  corporal,  both  our  officer  and 
sergeant  having  gone  into  hospital  with 
enteric.  Our  detention,  however,  was  very 
temporary,  and  Connal  would  seem  to  have 
received  the  usual  vague  orders  to  proceed 
in  the  early  morning  to  the  place  where 
the  other  three  companies  had  camped.  It 
appeared  that  we  were  to  form  an  escort 
to  two  squadron-waggons  containing  kits, 
provisions,  and  ammunition. 

Before  daylight  Connal  had  reported  his 
departure  to  the  commanding  officer,  and 
we  passed  the  outposts  at  grey  dawn. 
Now,  though  I  was  perhaps  the  least  ob- 
servant person  in  the  troop,  I  was  not  the 
least  wideawake  where  Corporal  Connal 
was  concerned,  and  it  struck  me  at  once 
that  we  were  heading  in  the  wrong  direc- 
tion. My  reasons  are  not  material,  but  as 
a  matter  of  fact  our  last  week's  patrol  had 
pushed  its  khaki  tentacles  both  east  and 
west ;  and  eastward  they  had  met  with  re- 
sistance so  determined  as  to  compel  them 
273 


Raffles 

to  retire ;  yet  it  was  eastward  that  we  were 
travelling  now.  I  at  once  spurred  along- 
side Raffles,  as  he  rode,  bronzed  and 
bearded,  with  warworn  wideawake  over 
eyes  grown  keen  as  a  hawk's,  and  a  cutty- 
pipe  sticking  straight  out  from  his  front 
teeth.  I  can  see  him  now,  so  gaunt  and 
grim  and  debonnair,  yet  already  with  much 
of  the  nonsense  gone  out  of  him,  though  I 
thought  he  only  smiled  on  my  misgivings. 

"  Did  he  get  the  instructions,  Bunny,  or 
did  we?  Very  well,  then;  give  the  devil 
a  chance." 

There  was  nothing  further  to  be  said, 
but  I  felt  more  crushed  than  convinced; 
so  we  jogged  along  into  broad  daylight, 
until  Raffles  himself  gave  a  whistle  of  sur- 
prise. 

"  A  white  flag,  Bunny,  by  all  my  gods !  " 

I  could  not  see  it;  he  had  the  longest 
sight  in  all  our  squadron;  but  in  a  little 
the  fluttering  emblem,  which  had  gained 
such  a  sinister  significance  in  most  of  our 
eyes,  was  patent  even  to  mine.  A  little 
longer,  and  the  shaggy  Boer  was  in  our 
midst  upon  his  shaggy  pony,  with  a  half- 
274 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

scared,  half-incredulous  look  in  his  deep- 
set  eyes.  He  was  on  his  way  to  our  lines 
with  some  missive,  and  had  little  enough 
to  say  to  us,  though  frivolous  and  flippant 
questions  were  showered  upon  him  from 
most  saddles. 

"  Any  Boers  over  there  ? "  asked  one, 
pointing  in  the  direction  in  which  we  were 
still  heading. 

"  Shut  up ! "  interjected  Raffles  in  crisp 
rebuke. 

The  Boer  looked  stolid  but  sinister. 

"  Any  of  our  chaps  ?  "  added  another. 

The  Boer  rode  on  with  an  open  grin. 

And  the  incredible  conclusion  of  the 
matter  was  that  we  were  actually  within 
their  lines  in  another  hour;  saw  them  as 
large  as  life  within  a  mile  and  a  half  on 
either  side  of  us;  and  must  every  man  of 
us  have  been  taken  prisoner  had  not  every 
man  but  Connal  refused  to  go  one  inch 
further,  and  had  not  the  Boers  themselves 
obviously  suspected  some  subtle  ruse  as 
the  only  conceivable  explanation  of  so 
madcap  a  manoeuvre.  They  allowed  us  to 
retire  without  firing  a  shot ;  and  retire  you 
275 


Raffles 

may  be  sure  we  did,  the  Kaffirs  flogging 
their  teams  in  a  fury  of  fear,  and  our  pre- 
cious corporal  sullen  but  defiant. 

I  have  said  this  was  the  conclusion  of  the 
matter,  and  I  blush  to  repeat  that  it  prac- 
tically was.  Connal  was  indeed  wheeled 
up  before  the  colonel,  but  his  instructions 
were  not  written  instructions,  and  he  lied 
his  way  out  with  equal  hardihood  and  tact. 

**  You  said  '  over  there,'  sir,"  he  stoutly 
reiterated;  and  the  vagueness  with  which 
such  orders  were  undoubtedly  given  was 
the  saving  of  him  for  the  time  being. 

I  need  not  tell  you  how  indignant  I  felt, 
for  one. 

"  The  fellow  is  a  spy !  "  I  said  to  Raffles, 
with  no  nursery  oath,  as  we  strolled  within 
the  lines  that  night. 

He  merely  smiled  in  my  face. 

"  And  have  you  only  just  found  it  out, 
Bunny?  I  have  known  it  almost  ever 
since  we  joined;  but  this  morning  I  did 
think  we  had  him  on  toast." 

"  It's  disgraceful  that  we  had  not,"  cried 
I.  "  He  ought  to  have  been  shot  like  a 
dog." 

276 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

'*  Not  so  loud,  Bunny,  though  I  quite 
agree ;  but  I  don't  regret  what  has  hap- 
pened as  much  as  you  do.  Not  that  I  am 
less  bloodthirsty  than  you  are  in  this  case, 
but  a  good  deal  more  so!  Bunny,  I'm 
mad-keen  on  bowling  him  out  with  my 
own  unaided  hand — though  I  may  ask  you 
to  take  the  wicket.  Meanwhile,  don't  wear 
all  your  animosity  upon  your  sleeve;  the 
fellow  has  friends  who  still  believe  in  him ; 
and  there  is  no  need  for  you  to  be  more 
openly  his  enemy  than  you  were  before." 

Well,  I  can  only  vow  that  I  did  my  best 
to  follow  this  sound  advice;  but  who  but 
a  Raffles  can  control  his  every  look?  It 
was  never  my  forte,  as  you  know,  yet  to  this 
day  I  cannot  conceive  what  I  did  to  ex- 
cite the  treacherous  corporal's  suspicions. 
He  was  clever  enough,  however,  not  to 
betray  them,  and  lucky  enough  to  turn  the 
tables  on  us,  as  you  shall  hear. 


277 


Raffles 

III 

Bloemfontein  had  fallen  since  our  ar- 
rival, but  there  was  plenty  of  fight  in  the 
Free  Staters  still,  and  I  will  not  deny  that 
it  was  these  gentry  who  were  showing  us 
the  sport  for  which  our  corps  came  in. 
Constant  skirmishing  was  our  portion, 
with  now  and  then  an  action  that  you 
would  know  at  least  by  name,  did  I  feel 
free  to  mention  them.  But  I  do  not,  and 
indeed  it  is  better  so.  I  have  not  to  de- 
scribe the  war  even  as  I  saw  it,  I  am 
thankful  to  say,  but  only  the  martial  story 
of  us  two  and  those  others  of  whom  you 
wot.  Corporal  Connal  was  the  dangerous 
blackguard  you  have  seen.  Captain  Bell- 
ingham  is  best  known  for  his  position  in 
the  batting  averages  a  year  or  two  ago, 
and  for  his  subsequent  failure  to  obtain  a 
place  in  any  of  the  five  Test  Matches.  But 
I  only  think  of  him  as  the  officer  who  rec- 
ognised Raffles. 

We  had  taken  a  village,  making  quite  a 
little  name  for  it  and  for  ourselves,  and  in 
the  village  our  division  was  reinforced  by 
278 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

a  fresh  brigade  of  the  Imperial  troops.  It 
was  a  day  of  rest,  our  first  for  weeks,  but 
Raffles  and  I  spent  no  small  part  of  it  in 
seeking  high  and  low  for  a  worthy  means 
of  quenching  the  kind  of  thirst  which  used 
to  beset  Yeomen  and  others  who  had  left 
good  cellars  for  the  veldt.  The  old  knack 
came  back  to  us  both,  though  I  believe  that 
I  alone  was  conscious  of  it  at  the  time ;  and 
we  were  leaving  the  house,  splendidly  sup- 
plied, when  we  almost  ran  into  the  arms  of 
an  infantry  officer,  with  a  scowl  upon  his 
red-hot  face,  and  an  eye-glass  flaming  at 
us  in  the  sun. 

"  Peter  Bellingham !  "  gasped  Raffles  un- 
der his  breath,  and  then  we  saluted  and 
tried  to  pass  on,  with  the  bottles  ringing 
like  church-bells  under  our  khaki.  But 
Captain  Bellingham  was  a  hard  man. 

"  What  have  you  men  been  doin'  ? " 
drawled  he. 

"  Nothing,  sir,"  we  protested,  like  inno- 
cence with  an  injury. 

"  Lootin'  's  forbidden,"  said  he.  "  You 
had  better  let  me  see  those  bottles." 

"  We  are  done,"  whispered  Raffles,  and 
279 


Raffles 

straightway  we  made  a  sideboard  of  the 
stoop  across  which  he  had  crept  at  so 
inopportune  a  moment.  I  had  not  the  heart 
to  raise  my  eyes  again,  yet  it  was  many  mo- 
ments before  the  officer  broke  silence. 

"  UamVar!  "  he  murmured  reverentially 
at  last.  "  And  Long  John  of  Ben  Nevis ! 
The  first  drop  that's  been  discovered  in  the 
whole  psalm-singing  show!  What  lot  do 
you  two  belong  to  ?  " 

I  answered. 

"  I  must  have  your  names." 

In  my  agitation  I  gave  my  real  one.  Raf- 
fles had  turned  away,  as  though  in  heart- 
broken contemplation  of  our  lost  loot.  I 
saw  the  officer  studying  his  half-profile  with 
an  alarming  face. 

"  What's  your  name  ?  "  he  rapped  out  at 
last. 

But  his  strange  low  voice  said  plainly 
that  he  knew,  and  Raffies  faced  him  with 
the  monosyllable  of  confession  and  assent. 
I  did  not  count  the  seconds  until  the  next 
word,  but  it  was  Captain  Bellingham  who 
uttered  it  at  last. 

"  I  thought  you  were  dead," 
280 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

"  Now  you  see  I  am  not." 
"  But  you  are  at  your  old  games !  " 
"  I  am  not,"  cried  Raffles,  and  his  tone 
was  new  to  me.  I  have  seldom  heard  one 
more  indignant.  "Yes,"  he  continued, 
"  this  is  loot,  and  the  wrong  'un  will  out. 
That's  what  you're  thinking,  Peter— I  beg 
your  pardon — sir.  But  he  isn't  let  out  in 
the  field !  We're  playing  the  game  as  much 
as  you  are,  old — sir." 

The  plural  number  caused  the  captain  to 
toss  me  a  contemptuous  look.  "  Is  this  the 
fellah  who  was  taken  when  you  swam  for 
it?"  he  inquired,  relapsing  into  his  drawl. 
Raffles  said  I  was,  and  with  that  took  a  pas- 
sionate oath  upon  our  absolute  rectitude  as 
volunteers.  There  could  be  no  doubting 
him ;  but  the  officer's  eyes  went  back  at  the 
bottles  on  the  stoop. 

"  But  look  at  those,"  said  he ;  and  as  he 
looked  himself  the  light  eye  melted  in  his 
fiery  face.  "  And  I've  got  Sparklets  in  my 
tent,"  he  sighed.  "  You  make  it  in  a 
minute ! " 

Not  a  word  from  Raffles,  and  none,  you 
may  be  sure,  from  me.     Then  suddenly 
281 


Raffles 

Bellingham  told  me  where  his  tent  was,  and, 
adding  that  our  case  was  one  for  serious 
consideration,  strode  in  its  direction  with- 
out another  word  until  some  sunlit  paces 
separated  us. 

"  You  can  bring  that  stuff  with  you,"  he 
then  flung  over  a  shoulder-strap,  "  and  I 
advise  you  to  put  it  where  you  had  it 
before." 

A  trooper  saluted  him  some  yards  further 
on,  and  looked  evilly  at  us  as  we  followed 
with  our  loot.  It  was  Corporal  Connal  of 
ours,  and  the  thought  of  him  takes  my  mind 
off  the  certainly  gallant  captain  who  only 
that  day  had  joined  our  division  with  the 
reinforcements.  I  could  not  stand  the  man 
myself.  He  added  soda-water  to  our 
whisky  in  his  tent,  and  would  only  keep  a 
couple  of  bottles  when  we  came  away. 
Softened  by  the  spirit,  to  which  disuse  made 
us  all  a  little  sensitive,  our  officer  was  soon 
convinced  of  the  honest  part  that  we  were 
playing  for  once,  and  for  fifty  minutes  of 
the  hour  we  spent  with  him  he  and  Raffles 
talked  cricket  without  a  break.  On  parting 
they  even  shook  hands ;  that  was  Long  John 
282 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

in  the  captain's  head ;  but  the  snob  never 
addressed  a  syllable  to  me. 

And  now  to  the  gallows-bird  who  was 
still  corporal  of  our  troop :  it  was  not  long" 
before  Raffles  was  to  have  his  wish  and 
the  traitor's  wicket.  We  had  resumed  our 
advance,  or  rather  our  humble  part  in  the 
great  surrounding  movement  then  taking 
place,  and  were  under  pretty  heavy  fire 
once  more,  when  Connal  was  shot  in  the 
hand.  It  was  a  curious  casualty  in  more 
than  one  respect,  and  nobody  seems  to 
have  seen  it  happen.  Though  a  flesh- 
v/ound,  it  was  a  bloody  one,  and  that  may 
be  why  the  surgeon  did  not  at  once  detect 
those  features  which  afterwards  convinced 
him  that  the  injury  had  been  self-inflicted. 
It  was  the  right  hand,  and  until  it  healed 
the  man  could  be  of  no  further  use  in 
the  firing  line;  nor  was  the  case  serious 
enough  for  admission  to  a  crowded  field- 
hospital;  and  Connal  himself  offered  his 
services  as  custodian  of  a  number  of  our 
horses  which  we  were  keeping  out  of 
harm's  way  in  a  donga.  They  had  come 
there  in  the  following  manner.  That  morn- 
283 


Raffles 

ing  we  had  been  heliographed  to  reinforce 
the  C.M.R.,  only  to  find  that  the  enemy 
had  the  range  to  a  nicety  when  we  reached 
the  spot.  There  were  trenches  for  us,  men, 
but  no  place  of  safety  for  our  horses  nearer 
than  this  long  and  narrow  donga  which 
ran  from  within  our  lines  towards  those  of 
the  Boers.  So  some  of  us  galloped  them 
thither,  six  in-hand,  amid  the  whine  of 
shrapnel  and  the  whistle  of  shot.  I  re- 
member the  man  next  me  being  killed  by 
a  shell  with  all  his  team,  and  the  tangle  of 
flying  harness,  torn  horseflesh,  and  crim- 
son khaki,  that  we  left  behind  us  on  the 
veldt ;  also  that  a  small  red  flag,  ludi- 
crously Hke  those  used  to  indicate  a  put- 
ting-green, marked  the  single  sloping  en- 
trance to  the  otherwise  precipitous  donga, 
which  I  for  one  was  duly  thankful  to  reach 
alive. 

The  same  evening  Connal,  with  a  few 
other  light  casualties  to  assist  him,  took 
over  the  charge  for  which  he  had  volun- 
teered and  for  which  he  was  so  admirably 
fitted  by  his  knowledge  of  horses  and  his 
general  experience  of  the  country;  never- 
284 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

theless,  he  managed  to  lose  three  or  four 
fine  chargers  in  the  course  of  the  first 
night ;  and,  early  in  the  second,  Raffles 
shook  me  out  of  a  heavy  slumber  in  the 
trenches  where  we  had  been  firing  all  day. 

"  I  have  found  the  spot.  Bunny,"  he 
whispered ;  "  we  ought  to  out  him  before 
the  night  is  over." 

"Connal?" 

Raffles  nodded. 

"  You  know  what  happened  to  some  of 
his  horses  last  night?  Well,  he  let  them 
go  himself." 

"Never!" 

"  Vm  as  certain  of  it,"  said  Raffles,  "  as 
though  I'd  seen  him  do  it;  and  if  he  does 
it  again  I  shall  see  him.  I  can  even  tell 
you  how  it  happened.  Connal  insisted  on 
having  one  end  of  the  donga  to  himself, 
and  of  course  his  end  is  the  one  nearest 
the  Boers.  Well,  then,  he  tells  the  other 
fellows  to  go  to  sleep  at  their  end — I  have 
it  direct  from  one  of  them — and  you  bet 
they  don't  need  a  second  invitation.  The 
rc^t  I  hope  to  see  to-night." 

**  It  seems  almost  incredible,"  said  I. 
285 


Raffles 

"  Not  more  so  than  the  Light  Horse- 
man's dodge  of  poisoning  the  troughs ;  that 
happened  at  Ladysmith  before  Christmas; 
and  two  kind  friends  did  for  that  blackguard 
what  you  and  I  are  going  to  do  for  this  one, 
and  a  firing-party  did  the  rest.  Brutes !  A 
mounted  man's  worth  a  file  on  foot  in  this 
country,  and  well  they  know  it.  But  this 
beauty  goes  one  better  than  the  poison; 
that  was  wilful  waste ;  but  I'll  eat  my  wide- 
awake if  our  loss  last  night  wasn't  the 
enemy's  double  gain !  What  we've  got  to 
do,  Bunny,  is  to  catch  him  in  the  act.  It 
may  mean  watching  him  all  night,  but  was 
ever  game  so  well  worth  the  candle  ?  " 

One  may  say  in  passing  that,  at  this  par- 
ticular point  of  contact,  the  enemy  were 
in  superior  force,  and  for  once  in  a  mood 
as  aggressive  as  our  own.  They  were 
led  with  a  dash,  and  handled  with  a  skill, 
which  did  not  always  characterise  their 
commanders  at  this  stage  of  the  war.  Their 
position  was  very  similar  to  ours,  and  in- 
deed we  were  to  spend  the  whole  of  next 
day  in  trying  with  an  equal  will  to  turn 
each  other  out.  The  result  will  scarcely 
286 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

be  forgotten  by  those  who  recognise  the 
occasion  from  these  remarks.  Meanwhile 
it  was  the  eve  of  battle  (most  evenings 
were),  and  there  was  that  villain  with  the 
horses  in  the  donga,  and  here  were  we  two 
upon  his  track. 

Raffles's  plan  was  to  reconnoitre  the 
place,  and  then  take  up  a  position  from 
which  we  could  watch  our  man  and  pounce 
upon  him  if  he  gave  us  cause.  The  spot 
that  we  eventually  chose  and  stealthily  oc- 
cupied was  behind  some  bushes  through 
which  we  could  see  down  into  the  donga; 
there  were  the  precious  horses ;  and  there 
sure  enough  was  our  wounded  corporal, 
sitting  smoking  in  his  cloak,  some  glim- 
mering thing  in  his  lap. 

"  That's  his  revolver,  and  it's  a  Mauser/* 
whispered  Raffles.  "  He  shan't  have  a 
chance  of  using  it  on  us ;  either  we  must  be 
on  him  before  he  knows  we  are  anywhere 
near,  or  simply  report.  It's  easily  proved 
once  we  are  sure ;  but  I  should  like  to  have 
the  taking  of  him  too." 

There  was  a  setting  moon.  Shadows 
were  sharp  and  black.  The  man  smoked 
287 


Raffles 

steadily,  and  the  hungry  horses  did  what 
I  never  saw  horses  do  before ;  they  stood 
and  nibbled  at  each  other's  tails.  I  was 
used  to  sleeping  in  the  open,  under  the 
jewelled  dome  that  seems  so  much  vaster 
and  grander  in  these  wide  spaces  of  the 
earth.  I  lay  listening  to  the  horses,  and  to 
the  myriad  small  strange  voices  of  the 
veldt,  to  which  I  cannot  even  now  put  a 
name,  while  Raffles  watched.  "  One  head 
is  better  than  two,"  he  said,  "  when  you 
don't  want  it  to  be  seen."  We  were  to 
take  watch  and  watch  about,  however,  and 
the  other  might  sleep  if  he  could  ;  it  was  not 
my  fault  that  I  did  nothing  else ;  it  was 
Raffles  who  could  trust  nobody  but  himself. 
Nor  was  there  any  time  for  recriminations 
when  he  did  rouse  me  in  the  end. 

But  a  moment  ago,  as  it  seemed  to  me,  I 
had  been  gazing  upward  at  the  stars  and 
listening  to  the  dear  minute  sounds  of 
peace ;  and  in  another  the  great  grey  slate 
was  clean,  and  every  bone  of  me  set  in 
plaster  of  Paris,  and  sniping  beginning  be- 
tween pickets  with  the  day.  It  was  an 
occasional  crack,  not  a  constant  crackle. 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

but  the  whistle  of  a  bullet  as  it  passed  us 
by,  or  a  tiny  transitory  flame  for  the  one 
bit  of  detail  on  a  blue  hill-side,  was  an 
unpleasant  warning  that  we  two  on  ours 
were  a  target  in  ourselves.  But  Raffles  paid 
no  attention  to  their  fire;  he  was  pointing 
downward  through  the  bushes  to  where 
Corporal  Connal  stood  with  his  back  to  us, 
shooing  a  last  charger  out  of  the  mouth 
of  the  donga  towards  the  Boer  trenches. 

"  That's  his  third,"  whispered  Raflies, 
"  but  it's  the  first  I've  seen  distinctly,  for 
he  waited  for  the  blind  spot  before  the 
dawn.  It's  enough  to  land  him,  I  fancy, 
but  we  mustn't  lose  time.  Are  you  ready 
for  a  creep  ?  " 

I  stretched  myself,  and  said  I  was ;  but  I 
devoutly  wished  it  was  not  quite  so  early 
in  the  morning. 

"  Like  cats,  then,  till  he  hears,  and  then 
into  him  for  all  we're  worth.  He's  stowed 
his  iron  safe  away,  but  he  mustn't  have  time 
even  to  feel  for  it.  You  take  his  left  arm, 
Bunny,  and  hang  on  to  that  like  a  ferret, 
and  I'll  do  the  rest.    Ready  ?    Then  now !  " 

And  in  less  time  than  it  would  take  to 
289 


Raffles 

tell,  we  were  over  the  lip  of  the  donga 
and  had  fallen  upon  the  fellow  before  he 
could  turn  his  head ;  nevertheless,  for  a  few 
instants  he  fought  like  a  wild  beast,  strik- 
ing, kicking,  and  swinging  me  off  my  feet 
as  I  obeyed  my  instructions  to  the  letter, 
and  stuck  to  his  left  Hke  a  leech.  But  he 
soon  gave  that  up,  and,  panting  and 
blaspheming,  demanded  explanations  in  his 
hybrid  tongue  that  had  half  a  brogue  and 
half  a  burr.  What  were  we  doing?  What 
had  he  done?  Raffles  at  his  back,  with  his 
right  wrist  twisted  round  and  pinned  into 
the  small  of  it,  soon  told  him  that,  and  I 
think  the  words  must  have  been  the  first 
intimation  that  he  had  as  to  who  his  assail- 
ants were. 

"  So  it's  you  two !  "  he  cried,  and  a  Hght 
broke  over  him.  He  was  no  longer  try- 
ing to  shake  us  off,  and  now  he  dropped 
his  curses  also,  and  stood  chuckling  to  him- 
self instead.  "  Well,"  he  went  on,  "  you're 
bloody  liars  both,  but  I  know  something 
else  that  you  are,  so  you'd  better  let  go." 

A  coldness  ran  through  me,  and  I  never 
saw  Raffles  so  taken  aback.  His  grip  must 
290 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

have  relaxed  for  a  fraction  of  time,  for  our 
captive  broke  out  in  a  fresh  and  desperate 
struggle,  but  now  we  pinned  him  tighter 
than  ever,  and  soon  I  saw  him  turning 
green  and  yellow  with  the  pain. 

"  You're  breaking  my  wrist !  "  he  yelled 
at  last. 

"  Then  stand  still  and  tell  us  who  we  are." 

And  he  stood  still  and  told  us  our  real 
names.  But  Raffles  insisted  on  hearing 
how  he  had  found  us  out,  and  smiled  as 
though  he  had  known  what  was  coming 
when  it  came.  I  was  dumfoundered.  The 
accursed  hound  had  followed  us  that  even- 
ing to  Captain  Bellingham's  tent,  and  his 
undoubted  cleverness  in  his  own  profession 
of  spy  had  done  the  rest. 

"  And  now  you'd  better  let  me  go,"  said 
the  master  of  the  situation,  as  I  for  one 
could  not  help  regarding  him. 

"  I'll  see  you  damned,"  said  Raffles, 
savagely. 

"  Then    you're    damned    and    done    for 

yourself,  my  cocky  criminal.     Raffles  the 

burglar!     Raffles  the  society  thief!     Not 

dead  after  all,  but  'live  and  'listed!     Send 

291 


Raffles 

him  home  and  give  him  fourteen  years,  and 
won't  he  Hke  'em,  that's  all !  " 

"  I  shall  have  the  pleasure  of  hearing  you 
shot  first,"  retorted  Raffles,  through  his 
teeth,  "  and  that  alone  will  make  them 
bearable.  Come  on.  Bunny,  let's  drive  the 
swine  along  and  get  it  over." 

And  drive  him  we  did,  he  cursing,  cajol- 
ing, struggling,  gloating,  and  blubbering  by 
turns.  But  Raffles  never  wavered  for  an 
instant,  though  his  face  was  tragic,  and  it 
went  to  my  heart,  where  that  look  stays 
still.  I  remember  at  the  time,  though  I 
never  let  my  hold  relax,  there  was  a  moment 
when  I  added  my  entreaties  to  those  of  our 
prisoner.  Raffles  did  not  even  reply  to  me. 
But  I  was  thinking  of  him,  I  swear.  I  was 
thinking  of  that  grey  set  face  that  I  never 
saw  before  or  after. 

"  Your  story  will  be  tested,"  said  the 
commanding  officer,  when  Connal  had  been 
marched  to  the  gnard-tent.  "  Is  there  any 
truth  in  his  ?  " 

"  It  is  perfectly  true,  sir.'* 

"  And  the  notorious  Raffles  has  been  alive 
all  these  years,  and  you  are  really  he  ?  " 
292 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

"  I  am,  sir." 

"  And  what  are  you  doing  at  the  front  ?  " 

Somehow  I  thought  that  Raffles  was  go- 
ing to  smile,  but  the  grim  set  of  his  mouth 
never  altered,  neither  was  there  any  change 
in  the  ashy  pallor  which  had  come  over  him 
in  the  donga  when  Connal  mouthed  his 
name.  It  was  only  his  eyes  that  lighted  up 
at  the  last  question. 

"  I  am  fighting,  sir,"  said  he,  as  simply 
as  any  subaltern  in  the  army. 

The  commanding  officer  inclined  a  griz- 
zled head  perceptibly,  and  no  more.  He 
was  not  one  of  any  school,  our  General ;  he 
had  his  own  ways,  and  we  loved  both  him 
and  them ;  and  I  believe  that  he  loved  the 
rough  but  gallant  corps  that  bore  his  name. 
He  once  told  us  that  he  knew  something 
about  most  of  us,  and  there  were  things 
that  Raffles  had  done  of  which  he  must 
have  heard.  But  he  only  moved  his  griz- 
zled head. 

*'  Did  you  know  he  was  going  to  give  you 
away?  "  he  asked  at  length,  with  a  jerk  of 
it  toward  the  guard-tent. 

"  Yes,  sir." 

293 


Raffles 

"But  you  thought  it  worth  while,  did 
you  ?  " 

"  I  thought  it  necessary,  sir." 

The  General  paused,  drumming  on  his 
table,  making  up  his  mind.  Then  his  chin 
came  up  with  the  decision  that  we  loved  in 
him. 

"  I  shall  sift  all  this,"  said  he.  "  An  offi- 
cer's name  was  mentioned,  and  I  shall  see 
him  myself.  Meanwhile  you  had  better  go 
on — fighting." 

IV 

Corporal  Connal  paid  the  penalty  of 
his  crime  before  the  sun  was  far  above  the 
hill  held  by  the  enemy.  There  was  abun- 
dance of  circumstantial  evidence  against 
him,  besides  the  direct  testimony  of  Raf- 
fles and  myself,  and  the  wretch  was  shot 
at  last  with  little  ceremony  and  less  shrift. 
And  that  was  the  one  good  thing  that  hap- 
pened on  the  day  that  broke  upon  us 
hiding  behind  the  bushes  overlooking  the 
donga ;  by  noon  it  was  my  own  turn. 

I  have  avoided  speaking  of  my  wound 
294 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

before  I  need,  and  from  the  preceding  pages 
you  would  not  gather  that  I  am  more  or 
less  lame  for  life.  You  will  soon  see  now 
why  I  was  in  no  hurry  to  recall  the  incident. 
I  used  to  think  of  a  wound  received  in  one's 
country's  service  as  the  proudest  trophy  a 
man  could  acquire.  But  the  sight  of  mine 
depresses  me  every  morning  of  my  life;  it 
was  due  for  one  thing  to  my  own  slow  eye 
for  cover,  in  taking  which  (to  aggravate 
my  case)  our  hardy  little  corps  happened 
to  excel. 

The  bullet  went  clean  through  my  thigh, 
drilling  the  bone,  but  happily  missing  the 
sciatic  nerve;  thus  the  mere  pain  was  less 
than  it  might  have  been,  but  of  course  I 
went  over  in  a  light  brown  heap.  We  were 
advancing  on  our  stomachs  to  take  the  hill, 
and  thus  extend  our  position,  and  it  was  at 
this  point  that  the  fire  became  too  heavy 
for  us,  so  that  for  hours  (in  the  event)  we 
moved  neither  forward  nor  back.  But  it 
was  not  a  minute  before  Raffles  came  to  me 
through  the  whistling  scud,  and  in  another 
I  was  on  my  back  behind  a  shallow  rock, 
with  him  kneeling  over  me  and  unrolling 
295 


Raffles 

my  bandage  in  the  teeth  of  that  murderous 
fire.  It  was  on  the  knees  of  the  gods,  he 
said,  when  I  begged  him  to  bend  lower,  but 
for  the  moment  I  thought  his  tone  as 
changed  as  his  face  had  been  earlier  in  the 
morning.  To  oblige  me,  however,  he  took 
more  care ;  and,  when  he  had  done  all  that 
one  comrade  could  for  another,  he  did  avail 
himself  of  the  cover  he  had  found  for  me. 
So  there  we  lay  together  on  the  veldt,  under 
blinding  sun  and  withering  fire,  and  I  sup- 
pose it  is  the  veldt  that  I  should  describe, 
as  it  swims  and  flickers  before  wounded 
eyes.  I  shut  mine  to  bring  it  back,  but  all 
that  comes  is  the  keen  brown  face  of  Raf- 
fles, still  a  shade  paler  than  its  wont ;  now 
bending  to  sight  and  fire ;  now  peering  to 
see  results,  brows  raised,  eyes  widened ; 
anon  turning  to  me  with  the  word  to  set 
my  tight  lips  grinning.  He  was  talking  all 
the  time,  but  for  my  sake,  and  I  knew  it. 
Can  you  wonder  that  I  could  not  see  an 
inch  beyond  him  ?  He  was  the  battle  to  me 
then ;  he  is  the  whole  war  to  me  as  I  look 
back  now. 

**  Feel  equal  to  a  cigarette  ?    It  will  buck 
296 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

you  up,  Bunny.  No,  that  one  in  the  silver 
paper,  I've  hoarded  it  for  this.  Here's  a 
light;  and  so  Bunny  takes  the  Sullivan! 
All  honour  to  the  sporting  rabbit !  " 

"  At  least  I  went  over  like  one,"  said  I, 
sending  the  only  clouds  into  the  blue,  and 
chiefly  wishing  for  their  longer  endurance. 
I  was  as  hot  as  a  cinder  from  my  head  to 
one  foot ;  the  other  leg  was  ceasing  to  be- 
long to  me. 

"  Wait  a  bit,"  says  Raffles,  puckering ; 
"  there's  a  grey  felt  hat  at  deep  long-on, 
and  I  want  to  add  it  to  the  bag  for  ven- 
geance. .  .  .  Wait — yes — no,  no  luck! 
I  must  pitch  'em  up  a  bit  more.  Hallo! 
magazine  empty.  How  goes  the  Sullivan, 
Bunny?  Rum  to  be  smoking  one  on  the 
veldt  with  a  hole  in  your  leg !  " 

"  It's  doing  me  good,"  I  said,  and  I  be- 
lieve it  was.  But  Raffles  lay  looking  at  me 
as  he  lightened  his  bandolier. 

"  Do  you  remember,"  he  said  softly, 
"  the  day  we  first  began  to  think  about  the 
war?  I  can  see  that  pink  misty  river  light, 
and  feel  the  first  bite  there  was  in  the  air 
when  one  stood  about ;  don't  you  wish  we 
297 


Raffles 

had  either  here !  '  Orful  slorter,  orful 
slorter ; '  that  fellow's  face,  I  see  it  too ;  and 
here  we  have  the  thing  he  cried.  Can  you 
believe  it's  only  six  months  ago  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  I  sighed,  enjoying  the  thought  of 
that  afternoon  less  than  he  did ;  "  yes,  we 
were  slow  to  catch  fire  at  first.'* 

*'  Too  slow,"  he  said  quickly. 

"  But  when  we  did  catch,"  I  went  on, 
wishing  we  never  had,  "  we  soon  burnt  up." 

"  And  then  went  out,"  laughed  RafBes 
gayly.  He  was  loaded  up  again.  "  Another 
over  at  the  grey  felt  hat,"  said  he ;  "  by 
Jove,  though,  I  believe  he's  having  an  ovef 
at  me !  " 

"  I  wish  you'd  be  careful,"  I  urged.  "  1 
heard  it  too." 

"  My  dear  Bunny,  it's  on  the  knees  you 
wot  of.  If  anything's  down  in  the  specifi- 
cations surely  that  is.  Besides — that  was 
nearer !  " 

"To  you?" 

"  No,  to  him.      Poor  devil,  he  has  his 

specifications  too;  it's  comforting  to  think 

that.     ...     I  can't  see  where  that  one 

pitched ;  it  may  have  been  a  wide ;  and  it's 

298 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

very  nearly  the  end  of  the  over  again.  Feel- 
ing  worse,  Bunny  ?  " 

"  No,  I've  only  closed  my  eyes.  Go  on 
talking." 

"  It  was  I  who  let  you  in  for  this,"  he 
said,  at  his  bandolier  again. 

"  No,  I'm  glad  I  came  out." 

And  I  believe  I  still  was,  in  a  way ;  for  it 
was  rather  fine  to  be  wounded,  just  then, 
with  the  pain  growing  less ;  but  the  sensa- 
tion was  not  to  last  me  many  minutes,  and 
I  can  truthfully  say  that  I  have  never  felt 
it  since. 

"  Ah,  but  you  haven't  had  such  a  good 
time  as  I  have !  " 

"  Perhaps  not." 

Had  his  voice  vibrated,  or  had  I  imag- 
ined it  ?  Pain-waves  and  loss  of  blood  were 
playing  tricks  with  my  senses ;  now  they 
were  quite  dull,  and  my  leg  alive  and  throb- 
bing ;  now  I  had  no  leg  at  all,  but  more  than 
all  my  ordinary  senses  in  every  other  part 
of  me.  And  the  devil's  orchestra  was  play- 
ing all  the  time,  and  all  around  me,  on 
every  class  of  fiendish  instrument,  which 
you  have  been  made  to  hear  for  yourselves 
299 


Raffles 

in  every  newspaper.     Yet  all  that  I  heard 
was  Raffles  talking. 

"  I  have  had  a  good  time,  Bunny." 

Yes,  his  voice  was  sad;  but  that  was 
all;  the  vibration  must  have  been  in  me. 

"  I  know  you  have,  old  chap,"  said  I. 

"  I  am  grateful  to  the  General  for  giving 
me  to-day.  It  may  be  the  last.  Then  I 
can  only  say  it's  been  the  best — by  Jove !  " 

"What  is  it?" 

And  I  opened  my  eyes.  His  were  shining. 
I  can  see  them  now. 

"  Got  him — got  the  hat !  No,  Fm  hanged 
if  I  have;  at  least  he  wasn't  in  it.  The 
crafty  cuss,  he  must  have  stuck  it  up  on 
purpose.  Another  over  .  .  .  scoring's 
slow.  ...  I  wonder  if  he's  sportsman 
enough  to  take  a  hint?  His  hat-trick's 
foolish.  Will  he  show  his  face  if  I  show 
mine?  " 

I  lay  with  closed  ears  and  eyes.  My  leg 
had  come  to  life  again,  and  the  rest  of  me 
was  numb. 

"Bunny!" 

His  voice  sounded  higher.      He  must 
have  been  sitting  upright. 
300 


The  Knees  of  the  Gods 

"Well?" 

But  it  was  not  well  with  me ;  that  was  all 
I  thought  as  my  lips  made  the  word. 

"  It's  not  only  been  the  best  time  I  ever 
had,  old  Bunny,  but  Vm  not  half  sure- " 

Of  what  I  can  but  guess;  the  sentence 
was  not  finished,  and  never  could  be  in 
this  world. 


THE   END 


301 


14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 


"^icuiat^g;^.!  dipartment 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 

Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recaU. 


OCT  2 


o  w^ 


JS&t 


ClR.StP 


27  'Tf 


mi- — wem 


RIO.  CIR.     M\   i  ^    ^^^ 


MAV 10  1986 


LD21 — 32m — 1,'75 
(S3845L)4970 


General  Library 

University  of  California 

Berkeley 


GENERAL  LIBRARY  -  U.C.  BERKELEY 


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UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


